Is Nisha Sharma a trend-setter?

[DQ]

Interesting where was I.



Dowry, curse on it and its takers.



But abuse does exist. What right to men in India have to beat their wife and children. Its obnoxious. I thought it was just in the lower middle cast and poor.



But no it also exists in all classes, the men actuall beat their wifes. What sick b***ds. I have heard some quote quran as well, justifying their act. Sick to the gut of their stomachs these people.



A father raises his children with so much love and care and these bas%^&s beat their wifes up as if its a property. An most of the cases I have seen for khandan ki izzat its hushed up.

[Kavita]

its all in the easy money making mechanism.



Yes, thats what I thought, if a girl needs a washing machine, she should buy. But what about the husbands, who say, I am not going to buy it for you (if the wife isnt working or even if she is working) go and ask your father. They even send their wife to parents house to skip the child-delivery expenses.



I asked few of my classmates (men), why are they doing their engineering when they are not interest in persuing it, FOR DOWRY, came the answer.



And CtrlAltDel,



Laws are just made. Taking dowry or giving it is also against law, but do people care for such laws?



I agree, father's wealth, father's prerogative. And at what time he gives off his wealth to whom is also his decission.



Anyway this doesnt mean I am not against dowry or people falling back on their parents for support.



Its all in the grooming of the child. The male child is given more importance, because he will get more dowry and supports parents in the old age and is the gateway to swargam after their death. And girl child is paraya, if not now some time later she will become paraya. So treat her paraya from birth. Daughter also acts paraya later.



I came accross good people also, all the difference was in the grooming of the child and not whether its in upper class, middle class or lower class.



Thank God, my parents were not biased. Lucky me.

[CtrlAltDel]

But what about the husbands, who say, I am not going to buy it for you (if the wife isnt working or even if she is working) go and ask your father.

thats all part of dowry related harrassment isnt it?

They even send their wife to parents house to skip the child-delivery expenses.

hey! isnt that the custom in many places of the world, eps family oriented cultures? its not to skip expenses but to ensure mom's care for a girl who needs that kinda attn.

I asked few of my classmates (men), why are they doing their engineering when they are not interest in persuing it, FOR DOWRY, came the answer.

yes this happens. and i know a few girls who have done engg. or MCA just to get a rebate or exemption from dowry...

Laws are just made. Taking dowry or giving it is also against law, but do people care for such laws?

thats why dowry demands shud be treated on par with serious crimes like murder or rape.

I agree, father's wealth, father's prerogative. And at what time he gives off his wealth to whom is also his decission.

if its ancestoral property, he cant decide on his whim. if its a property he has earned or built up, he can. but here too, any child who is left out can approach courts...but all this is too weird...taking family to courts! but u can see it happenning these days...

The male child is given more importance, because he will get more dowry and supports parents in the old age and is the gateway to swargam after their death. And girl child is paraya, if not now some time later she will become paraya. So treat her paraya from birth. Daughter also acts paraya later.

dont u think that by strictly outlawing dowry, this bias wud disappear in time...?

[Arti]

its all in the easy money making mechanism.

Yes, thats what I thought, if a girl needs a washing machine, she should buy. But what about the husbands, who say, I am not going to buy it for you (if the wife isnt working or even if she is working) go and ask your father. They even send their wife to parents house to skip the child-delivery expenses.

Which is why I believe that every woman should be self sufficient. You want a washing machine... go buy it. If she's dependent on her husband, he can buy it for her. If he refuses, I don't see how she can go ask her father.

Its all in the grooming of the child. The male child is given more importance, because he will get more dowry and supports parents in the old age and is the gateway to swargam after their death. And girl child is paraya, if not now some time later she will become paraya. So treat her paraya from birth. Daughter also acts paraya later.

Do you want to qualify that?

[CtrlAltDel]

off topic: arti, i have real fond memories of your new avtar....siiigh...

[Arti]

off topic: arti, i have real fond memories of your new avtar....siiigh...

You already have memories? Oh Man!!

[CtrlAltDel]

off topic: arti, i have real fond memories of your new avtar....siiigh...

You already have memories? Oh Man!!

:roll: ...that avtar used to belong to someone special...

[Mayavi Morpheus]

off topic: arti, i have real fond memories of your new avtar....siiigh...

You already have memories? Oh Man!!

:roll: ...that avtar used to belong to someone special...

Kyon? ab kya hua... she is still around right albeit with different avatar

[The Jackal]

Thought this thread was buried long ago...

[igiveadamn]

About the dowry thing, though I am completely against it I have a few things to question. The whole arranged marriage system is nothing but a business deal between the bride's side and the groom's side. the girl's father wants a 'suitable' (read well settled, good job (read guy with money)) for his daughter, and in that process, is willing to pay up for the transaction. honestly, how many fathers would give away their girl to a guy who does not have a good job and/or is not well off financially or otherwise? going by the same argument the men think that they are justified in taking money from the bride's father because they have achieved something in life. this is a very skewed concept unfortunately. the only solution to this is to choose your own partners, both men and women. don't let the parents interfere, choose your own careers, work hard, stand up on your own two feet and find your life partner. though this is next to impossible in India, this will actually work. there are two sides to the dowry system and the bride's side is equally guilty. so bashing up men isn't a solution to this problem.

[Arti]

the only solution to this is to choose your own partners, both men and women. don't let the parents interfere, choose your own careers, work hard, stand up on your own two feet and find your life partner. though this is next to impossible in India, this will actually work.

What is next to impossible in India? Choosing your own partner, choosing your own careers, working hard or standing on your own two feet?

[CtrlAltDel]

the only solution to this is to choose your own partners, both men and women. don't let the parents interfere, choose your own careers, work hard, stand up on your own two feet and find your life partner. though this is next to impossible in India, this will actually work.

What is next to impossible in India? Choosing your own partner, choosing your own careers, working hard or standing on your own two feet?

none of these are impossible but what is 'difficult' is 'choosing own partner'.....cud face helluva opposition

[The Jackal]

the only solution to this is to choose your own partners, both men and women. don't let the parents interfere, choose your own careers, work hard, stand up on your own two feet and find your life partner. though this is next to impossible in India, this will actually work.

What is next to impossible in India? Choosing your own partner, choosing your own careers, working hard or standing on your own two feet?

none of these are impossible but what is 'difficult' is 'choosing own partner'.....cud face helluva opposition

I think this is just in the rural areas.But many people still oppose inter cast marraiges even in urban areas.

[CtrlAltDel]

the only solution to this is to choose your own partners, both men and women. don't let the parents interfere, choose your own careers, work hard, stand up on your own two feet and find your life partner. though this is next to impossible in India, this will actually work.

What is next to impossible in India? Choosing your own partner, choosing your own careers, working hard or standing on your own two feet?

none of these are impossible but what is 'difficult' is 'choosing own partner'.....cud face helluva opposition

I think this is just in the rural areas.But many people still oppose inter cast marraiges even in urban areas.

exactly!

and forget intercaste i have seen elders opposing lovers of same caste just coz they dared to take the initiative to find a partner themselves........and esp when the pair are not interested in dowry

[The Jackal]

the only solution to this is to choose your own partners, both men and women. don't let the parents interfere, choose your own careers, work hard, stand up on your own two feet and find your life partner. though this is next to impossible in India, this will actually work.

What is next to impossible in India? Choosing your own partner, choosing your own careers, working hard or standing on your own two feet?

none of these are impossible but what is 'difficult' is 'choosing own partner'.....cud face helluva opposition

I think this is just in the rural areas.But many people still oppose inter cast marraiges even in urban areas.

exactly!
and forget intercaste i have seen elders opposing lovers of same caste just coz they dared to take the initiative to find a partner themselves........and esp when the pair are not interested in dowry

For my cousins marraige the girls side wanted my cousin to take dowry even when he refused.

[Arti]

exactly!
and forget intercaste i have seen elders opposing lovers of same caste just coz they dared to take the initiative to find a partner themselves........and esp when the pair are not interested in dowry

True. Most times parents just feel as though they were denied the opportunity to perform the most important task of their lives... finding a suitable match for their kids.



Two of my classmates got married last summer... to each other... they had to fight it out for 7 years before their parents agreed. The guy kept saying that if the girl's parents had hunted on their own, the chances that they would have zeroed in on him were 9 out of ten! But they were against it because the girl decided on her own.

[The Jackal]

exactly!
and forget intercaste i have seen elders opposing lovers of same caste just coz they dared to take the initiative to find a partner themselves........and esp when the pair are not interested in dowry

True. Most times parents just feel as though they were denied the opportunity to perform the most important task of their lives... finding a suitable match for their kids.

Two of my classmates got married last summer... to each other... they had to fight it out for 7 years before their parents agreed. The guy kept saying that if the girl's parents had hunted on their own, the chances that they would have zeroed in on him were 9 out of ten! But they were against it because the girl decided on her own.

7 Years!!!!!!!!!whoa.....that s a long time

[Kavita]

[I think this is just in the rural areas.But many people still oppose inter cast marraiges even in urban areas.

Rural means considering AP, any place other than HYD ??



I have noticed, even in HYD few people do not give/take dowry. But that few in HYD is considerable number than at other places.

[The Jackal]

[I think this is just in the rural areas.But many people still oppose inter cast marraiges even in urban areas.

Rural means considering AP, any place other than HYD ??

I have noticed, even in HYD few people do not give/take dowry. But that few in HYD is considerable number than at other places.

I think you can say that.I mean there are many urban places in the rest of AP(Vizaq,Vijayawada,etc) but their minds are still rural...

[Arti]

[I think this is just in the rural areas.But many people still oppose inter cast marraiges even in urban areas.

Rural means considering AP, any place other than HYD ??

I have noticed, even in HYD few people do not give/take dowry. But that few in HYD is considerable number than at other places.

I think you can say that.I mean there are many urban places in the rest of AP(Vizaq,Vijayawada,etc) but their minds are still rural...

In a recent interview after Morning Raga, Shabana Azmi said that most Indians live from the 18th to the 21st century... maybe that just captures the essence of this discussion

[lonewolf]

In a recent interview after Morning Raga, Shabana Azmi said that most Indians live from the 18th to the 21st century... maybe that just captures the essence of this discussion

You probably mean 15th century, because thats how the parents of my classmates behave when it comes to marriage and "arranging" for a greencard holder or a similar joker to be their future son-in-law. They'd stoop to any damn level to get an NRI, so obviously dowry would be low on priority.. unless the "business deal" goes sour like Nisha Sharma's.

[Arti]

In a recent interview after Morning Raga, Shabana Azmi said that most Indians live from the 18th to the 21st century... maybe that just captures the essence of this discussion

You probably mean 15th century, because thats how the parents of my classmates behave when it comes to marriage and "arranging" for a greencard holder or a similar joker to be their future son-in-law. They'd stoop to any damn level to get an NRI, so obviously dowry would be low on priority.. unless the "business deal" goes sour like Nisha Sharma's.

Why parents of classmates... like I said before, my neighbour had such a condition herself. "Get me a guy... any guy... I'll marry him... as long as he's in the US"



Reminds me of the scene from Hyd Blues 2

[igiveadamn]

true, parents would do anything do get a guy from US for their girls. most girls want that too. it's like an easy ticket for them to enjoy something in life. i've seen parents who want their daughter to study but only after marriage, that too in the states, and they don't want the groom to take dowry. c'mon, why would u want things for ur kids for free.

[Arti]

true, parents would do anything do get a guy from US for their girls. most girls want that too. it's like an easy ticket for them to enjoy something in life. i've seen parents who want their daughter to study but only after marriage, that too in the states, and they don't want the groom to take dowry. c'mon, why would u want things for ur kids for free.

I can't say most girls want that. This was the first one that came across that was willing to marry any guy as long as he was from the US.

[igiveadamn]

true, parents would do anything do get a guy from US for their girls. most girls want that too. it's like an easy ticket for them to enjoy something in life. i've seen parents who want their daughter to study but only after marriage, that too in the states, and they don't want the groom to take dowry. c'mon, why would u want things for ur kids for free.

I can't say most girls want that. This was the first one that came across that was willing to marry any guy as long as he was from the US.

there are many outside hyderabad. unfortunately it's like a status symbol for them, the bridegroom in usa.