Banta Singh was implored by his eldest son Joginder. "Father, I am in love!"
"Tell me, is she a good Sikh girl?" says the father. "What is her name?"
"Fatima," replies the son. "She's Muslim."
"Oye!" says Banta. "But are you happy?"
"I'm happy," says the son.
"Ok, as long as you're happy, my blessings to you both," replies Banta.
But the father is still counting on his remaining sons, Sukhvinder and Santa.
Sukhvinder calls on his father the next evening, "Father, I am also in love and want to marry...!".
"What is her name?" implores the father.
"Catherine," says the son. "She's Roman Catholic."
"Oye," says Banta. "But are you happy?"
"I'm happy, father."
"Ok, then you, too, have my blessing," intones Banta.
Dejected, Banta goes to the Gurudwara to pray.
"Please God, let my remaining son Santa marry a Sikh...PLEASE...PLEASE!"
Next day, Santa comes to his father excitedly and exclaims, "Paaji! I am also in love!"
"Your lover is Sikh?" his father demands.
"Of course!" says Santa.
Banta is beside himself with joy!
"Praise God! Praise the Gurus!" Turning to Santa, he asks, "The name...the name...?"
"Jarnail Singh, our neighbour's son," says Santa.
Humor...or something like it.
Moderator: The Moderator Team
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love
them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to
telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the
opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morni! ng and see something really
scary.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead/knees.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love
them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to
telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the
opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morni! ng and see something really
scary.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead/knees.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
- optics
- Registered User
- Posts: 19
- Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2004 2:32 pm
Scientists have discovered a new element called Woman:
This new element has to be added in the Periodic Table, as recommended by
my experienced friend - The Alchemist.
For students appearing for their youth examinations, we will give you a
crash course in it's properties.
Element : Woman
Symbol : Wo
Discoverer : Adam Edenwarden
Atomic mass: Accepted as 53.6 kg; isotopes vary from 35 - 200 kg.
Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban areas.
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface usually covered with thin painted film
2. Boils at room Temperature
3. Freezes without any known reason
4. Melts if given special treatment
5. Bitter if incorrectly used
6. Sweeter under certain conditions
7. Found in various states, ranging from metals to common ore
8. Ductile if moulded properly
9. Yields to pressure applied at correct points
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones and
absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
2. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known
reason
3. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation in
alcohol
4. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man
COMMON USES:
1. Highly ornamental, especially in bikes and cars
2. Can be a great aid in times of stress, loneliness and relaxation
3. Very effective cleaning agent, especially for all objects in wallets
TESTS:
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen
AVAILABLITY:
1. Available in wide different forms and varieties
2. Can be easily seen in all busy areas
POTENTIAL HAZARDS:
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2. Illegal to posses more than one, although several can be maintained at
different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact
with each other
!!! WARNING !!!
PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE FINANCIAL HEMORRHAGE AND
MENTAL DISTRESS. BE CAUTIOUS.
NOTE: New properties are still being discovered. Please wait for updates.
This new element has to be added in the Periodic Table, as recommended by
my experienced friend - The Alchemist.
For students appearing for their youth examinations, we will give you a
crash course in it's properties.
Element : Woman
Symbol : Wo
Discoverer : Adam Edenwarden
Atomic mass: Accepted as 53.6 kg; isotopes vary from 35 - 200 kg.
Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban areas.
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface usually covered with thin painted film
2. Boils at room Temperature
3. Freezes without any known reason
4. Melts if given special treatment
5. Bitter if incorrectly used
6. Sweeter under certain conditions
7. Found in various states, ranging from metals to common ore
8. Ductile if moulded properly
9. Yields to pressure applied at correct points
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones and
absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
2. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known
reason
3. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation in
alcohol
4. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man
COMMON USES:
1. Highly ornamental, especially in bikes and cars
2. Can be a great aid in times of stress, loneliness and relaxation
3. Very effective cleaning agent, especially for all objects in wallets
TESTS:
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen
AVAILABLITY:
1. Available in wide different forms and varieties
2. Can be easily seen in all busy areas
POTENTIAL HAZARDS:
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2. Illegal to posses more than one, although several can be maintained at
different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact
with each other
!!! WARNING !!!
PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE FINANCIAL HEMORRHAGE AND
MENTAL DISTRESS. BE CAUTIOUS.
NOTE: New properties are still being discovered. Please wait for updates.
People are crazy, at times are strange. I am locked-in tight, I am out of range.
I used to care, but things have changed.
I used to care, but things have changed.
-
akhilis2cool - God!
- Posts: 11476
- Joined: Sat Apr 03, 2004 1:43 pm
- Location: Camp Swampy
You cannot post an image from ur desktop. You need to host it on some site and the paste the link here within the Img tags.
VVVV Like this VVVV
/Riya%20Sen/riya%20sen6h.jpg)
VVVV Like this VVVV
May the Fries be with you!
-
Mayavi Morpheus - Level 2 Lord
- Posts: 3201
- Joined: Fri May 30, 2003 7:42 am
- Location: 30° 27' North ; 91° 08' West
Mayavi Morpheus wrote:You cannot post an image from ur desktop. You need to host it on some site and the paste the link here within the Img tags.
VVVV Like this VVVV
Awesome
-
Jaszalcatraz - Level 3 Star User
- Posts: 1955
- Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2003 10:10 am
- Location: Bang in the middle of town.
it certainly is awesome
People are crazy, at times are strange. I am locked-in tight, I am out of range.
I used to care, but things have changed.
I used to care, but things have changed.
-
akhilis2cool - God!
- Posts: 11476
- Joined: Sat Apr 03, 2004 1:43 pm
- Location: Camp Swampy
Kenny the rooster cost a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny.
The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barnyard, first, giving the rooster a pep talk.
I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of hens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said, with a chuckle.
Kenny seemed to understand, so the farmer pointed toward the Hen house and Kenny took off like a shot. WHAM!- Kenny mates every hen in the hen house - three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked.
After that the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Kenny is in there. Later, the farmer sees
Kenny after a flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again - WHAM! He gets all the geese.
By sunset he sees Kenny out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours.
Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day, to find Kenny on his back, stone cold in the middle of the yard. Vultures are circling overhead.
The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive bird, shakes his head and says, "Oh, Kenny, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself."
Kenny opens one eye, nods toward the vultures circling in the sky and says, "Shhh, they're getting closer".
The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barnyard, first, giving the rooster a pep talk.
I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of hens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said, with a chuckle.
Kenny seemed to understand, so the farmer pointed toward the Hen house and Kenny took off like a shot. WHAM!- Kenny mates every hen in the hen house - three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked.
After that the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Kenny is in there. Later, the farmer sees
Kenny after a flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again - WHAM! He gets all the geese.
By sunset he sees Kenny out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours.
Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day, to find Kenny on his back, stone cold in the middle of the yard. Vultures are circling overhead.
The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive bird, shakes his head and says, "Oh, Kenny, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself."
Kenny opens one eye, nods toward the vultures circling in the sky and says, "Shhh, they're getting closer".
-
CtrlAltDel - God!
- Posts: 14824
- Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2002 5:02 pm
- Location: by the Workshop
Mayavi Morpheus wrote:You cannot post an image from ur desktop. You need to host it on some site and the paste the link here within the Img tags.
VVVV Like this VVVV
Thanx I will try
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
-
xylocaine - Registered User
- Posts: 138
- Joined: Wed May 05, 2004 2:46 am
- Location: Here somewhere
An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open."
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open."
Whenever you can't sleep
May you be treated to a song
And heaven cracks
A song falls softly from the light of heaven.
May you be treated to a song
And heaven cracks
A song falls softly from the light of heaven.
-
Alexis - Level 2 Lord
- Posts: 3850
- Joined: Sun May 23, 2004 9:48 am
- Location: USA
ok, this is an old one but what the heck..
Don was excited to go bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear in the woods and shot it. Then there was a tap on his shoulder, so he turned around and saw a big black bear.
The black bear said, "Don, you've got two choices: either I maul you to death or we have sex." Don decided to bend over.
After two weeks of feeling sore, Don recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, where he found the black bear and shot it.
There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear was standing right next to him.
The grizzly said, "That was a huge mistake Don. You've got two choices: either I maul you to death, or we have rough sex."
Again, Don thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it took several months before Don finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt the sweet taste of revenge.
But then there was a tap on his shoulder. Don turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear said, "Admit it Don, you don't really come here for the hunting, do you?"
Don was excited to go bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear in the woods and shot it. Then there was a tap on his shoulder, so he turned around and saw a big black bear.
The black bear said, "Don, you've got two choices: either I maul you to death or we have sex." Don decided to bend over.
After two weeks of feeling sore, Don recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, where he found the black bear and shot it.
There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear was standing right next to him.
The grizzly said, "That was a huge mistake Don. You've got two choices: either I maul you to death, or we have rough sex."
Again, Don thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it took several months before Don finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt the sweet taste of revenge.
But then there was a tap on his shoulder. Don turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear said, "Admit it Don, you don't really come here for the hunting, do you?"
nolite arbitrari quia venerim mittere pacem in terram non veni pacem
-
azazel - Level 1 Deity
- Posts: 5437
- Joined: Wed Jan 28, 2004 8:26 pm
- Location: Chaosphere
Sperms in penis talking to each other:
1st sperm, "Mai doctor banunga
2nd sperm, mai Engineer
3rd sperm, Agar may successfuly develop ho gaya to main politician banunga...
Tempted boy goes to bathroom and handshaked.
Sperms: “Saale ne career barbad kar diya.”
1st sperm, "Mai doctor banunga
2nd sperm, mai Engineer
3rd sperm, Agar may successfuly develop ho gaya to main politician banunga...
Tempted boy goes to bathroom and handshaked.
Sperms: “Saale ne career barbad kar diya.”
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
-
xylocaine - Registered User
- Posts: 138
- Joined: Wed May 05, 2004 2:46 am
- Location: Here somewhere
13 year old boy come home from school with a worried look on his face..
his parents ask him what the matter is..
boy: i lost my virginity today
mom : but, ur just 13!!
dad : (with pride in his voice) come here son.. uve become a man now!
mom : but, he's just 13!!
*mom goes off into another room b sulks*
dad: (still beaming) duncha worry son, everything's fine.. c'mon ill take u out for a treat.. how're u feeling??
son: there is just one problem..
dad: what? temme?
son: when does my arse stop bleeding??
his parents ask him what the matter is..
boy: i lost my virginity today
mom
: but, ur just 13!!dad : (with pride in his voice) come here son.. uve become a man now!
mom
: but, he's just 13!! *mom goes off into another room b sulks*
dad: (still beaming) duncha worry son, everything's fine.. c'mon ill take u out for a treat.. how're u feeling??
son: there is just one problem..
dad: what? temme?
son: when does my arse stop bleeding??
nolite arbitrari quia venerim mittere pacem in terram non veni pacem
-
azazel - Level 1 Deity
- Posts: 5437
- Joined: Wed Jan 28, 2004 8:26 pm
- Location: Chaosphere
In bus, Sardar started pressing a girl’s buttocks.
Girl: “Ye tum achaa nahi kar rahe.”
Sardar: “Bus ke andar isse achha nahi Kar sakta madam.”
Girl: “Ye tum achaa nahi kar rahe.”
Sardar: “Bus ke andar isse achha nahi Kar sakta madam.”
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
-
xylocaine - Registered User
- Posts: 138
- Joined: Wed May 05, 2004 2:46 am
- Location: Here somewhere
A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
"I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do... *anything*!!!"
He returns her gaze. "Anything???"
"Yes...Anything!!!"
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"
"I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
"I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do... *anything*!!!"
He returns her gaze. "Anything???"
"Yes...Anything!!!"
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"
-
CtrlAltDel - God!
- Posts: 14824
- Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2002 5:02 pm
- Location: by the Workshop
CtrlAltDel wrote:A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
"I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do... *anything*!!!"
He returns her gaze. "Anything???"
"Yes...Anything!!!"
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"
uh....KLPD
People are crazy, at times are strange. I am locked-in tight, I am out of range.
I used to care, but things have changed.
I used to care, but things have changed.
-
akhilis2cool - God!
- Posts: 11476
- Joined: Sat Apr 03, 2004 1:43 pm
- Location: Camp Swampy
some decent vulgar stuff
Q: Why sperm donation is more expensive than blood donation?
A: Because it's HANDMADE
Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own.
Q: Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with any of his wives?
A:Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.
Q: Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A: When you take it off, you wonder where the breasts went.
A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.
He was happy with the Hole and She was happy with the Thing......
Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A:Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come means you are in big trouble.
Q: Why does an elephant have four feet?
A: Because it would look silly with six inches...
Q: What is the difference between a condom and a coffin?
A: Both are for stiffs except one is for coming and the other for going.
Q: Why sperm donation is more expensive than blood donation?
A: Because it's HANDMADE
Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own.
Q: Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with any of his wives?
A:Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.
Q: Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A: When you take it off, you wonder where the breasts went.
A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.
He was happy with the Hole and She was happy with the Thing......
Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A:Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come means you are in big trouble.
Q: Why does an elephant have four feet?
A: Because it would look silly with six inches...
Q: What is the difference between a condom and a coffin?
A: Both are for stiffs except one is for coming and the other for going.
-
CtrlAltDel - God!
- Posts: 14824
- Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2002 5:02 pm
- Location: by the Workshop
azazel wrote:akhilis2cool wrote:uh....KLPD
its KLPD for us guys.. wht would be adequate for gaals??
i cld have said it here but the mods will b angry
People are crazy, at times are strange. I am locked-in tight, I am out of range.
I used to care, but things have changed.
I used to care, but things have changed.
-
akhilis2cool - God!
- Posts: 11476
- Joined: Sat Apr 03, 2004 1:43 pm
- Location: Camp Swampy
akhilis2cool wrote:i cld have said it here but the mods will b angry
hehehe.. good one Akhil bhaai
p.s: for those wonderin wht was so good abt wht was written here .. i got a pm with the answer
nolite arbitrari quia venerim mittere pacem in terram non veni pacem
-
azazel - Level 1 Deity
- Posts: 5437
- Joined: Wed Jan 28, 2004 8:26 pm
- Location: Chaosphere
azazel wrote:akhilis2cool wrote:i cld have said it here but the mods will b angry
hehehe.. good one Akhil bhaai
p.s: for those wonderin wht was so good abt wht was written here .. i got a pm with the answer
People are crazy, at times are strange. I am locked-in tight, I am out of range.
I used to care, but things have changed.
I used to care, but things have changed.
-
akhilis2cool - God!
- Posts: 11476
- Joined: Sat Apr 03, 2004 1:43 pm
- Location: Camp Swampy
New tax For Male tax-payers
The only thing the Indian Taxation department has not yet taxed is your
Ding-Dong. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around
unemployed, 20% of the time it is pissed off, 30% of the time it is hard up
and 10% of the time it is in a hole. On top of this it has two dependants
and they are both nuts Therefore, from April 2003, your Ding-Dong will be
taxed according to its size.
Determine your category (tick whichever applicable)
10" to 12" Luxury Tax Rs. 500. pa.
8" to 10" Pole Tax Rs. 450 pa.
6" to 8" Privilege Tax Rs. 400 pa.
4" to 6" Nuisance Tax Rs. 200 pa.
PS. Any one under 4" is eligible for a refund.
Any one exceeding 12" must file under "CAPITAL GAINS"
Voluntary disclosure of Assets for Female Tax Payers
The Minstry of Finance has so far not covered under the purview of tax the
GLOBAL ASSETS of women tax payers. Such assets invariably attracted male tax
payers to hide their income "Projection into Female Vaults" So far the
Government has not ventured to unearth such assets because 60% of the time
they are concealed, 20% of the time Hard Pressed, 15% of the time Squeezed
and 5% of the time sucked.
It also lets a lot of "CLEAVAGE" between the "Global Assets". The government
therefore instead of enforcing a search on such assets has come out with a
scheme to attract women for "Voluntary Disclosure" of their global assets.
37" to 38" Burden Tax Rs. 1,000 pa.
35" to 36" Entertainment Tax Rs. 800 pa.
33" to 34" Excitement Tax Rs. 600 pa.
31" to 32" Search Tax Rs. 400 pa.
PS: Sizes under 30" will be eligible for a "Development Rebate" whereas
sizes above 39" will fall under "Wealth Tax". Married women whose assets are
shared by their spouses will be entitled to a concession of 20% on the above
rates as "Wear and Tear allowance".
The only thing the Indian Taxation department has not yet taxed is your
Ding-Dong. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around
unemployed, 20% of the time it is pissed off, 30% of the time it is hard up
and 10% of the time it is in a hole. On top of this it has two dependants
and they are both nuts Therefore, from April 2003, your Ding-Dong will be
taxed according to its size.
Determine your category (tick whichever applicable)
10" to 12" Luxury Tax Rs. 500. pa.
8" to 10" Pole Tax Rs. 450 pa.
6" to 8" Privilege Tax Rs. 400 pa.
4" to 6" Nuisance Tax Rs. 200 pa.
PS. Any one under 4" is eligible for a refund.
Any one exceeding 12" must file under "CAPITAL GAINS"
Voluntary disclosure of Assets for Female Tax Payers
The Minstry of Finance has so far not covered under the purview of tax the
GLOBAL ASSETS of women tax payers. Such assets invariably attracted male tax
payers to hide their income "Projection into Female Vaults" So far the
Government has not ventured to unearth such assets because 60% of the time
they are concealed, 20% of the time Hard Pressed, 15% of the time Squeezed
and 5% of the time sucked.
It also lets a lot of "CLEAVAGE" between the "Global Assets". The government
therefore instead of enforcing a search on such assets has come out with a
scheme to attract women for "Voluntary Disclosure" of their global assets.
37" to 38" Burden Tax Rs. 1,000 pa.
35" to 36" Entertainment Tax Rs. 800 pa.
33" to 34" Excitement Tax Rs. 600 pa.
31" to 32" Search Tax Rs. 400 pa.
PS: Sizes under 30" will be eligible for a "Development Rebate" whereas
sizes above 39" will fall under "Wealth Tax". Married women whose assets are
shared by their spouses will be entitled to a concession of 20% on the above
rates as "Wear and Tear allowance".
- Fire exit
- Registered User
- Posts: 19
- Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2004 2:32 pm
In some remote village of India, one masterji is teaching the Mahabharat to a class. He is at the 'Krishnajanma' part of it..
Masterji : "Dear bachcho, so Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put Vasudev and Devki behind the bars. First son is born, and Kansa kills him by poisoning. Sencond one is born, and Kansa thorws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born..."
Now Ramu who is the smartest of the lot puts his hand up.
Masterji (nervous & confused) : "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in Mahabharata and how come u have one?"
Ramu : "Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to kill him; WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL??"
Masterji : "Dear bachcho, so Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put Vasudev and Devki behind the bars. First son is born, and Kansa kills him by poisoning. Sencond one is born, and Kansa thorws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born..."
Now Ramu who is the smartest of the lot puts his hand up.
Masterji (nervous & confused) : "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in Mahabharata and how come u have one?"
Ramu : "Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to kill him; WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL??"
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