Humor...or something like it.
Moderator: The Moderator Team
Things are supposed to happen the way they happen. And the reason they happen the way the happen is because you try to make them happen in a certain way and may or may not be succesful.
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rock_26iin - Level 1 Deity
- Posts: 6111
- Joined: Wed Feb 04, 2004 12:42 pm
- Location: L0ST !N $PACE
triangle D!PSH!T!
I know I'm in there somewhere, and if I don't come out with my hands up, I'm going to go in there and get me!
http://payne.fullhydblogs.com
http://payne.fullhydblogs.com
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STingRae - Level 2 Star User
- Posts: 1335
- Joined: Fri Apr 30, 2004 3:35 pm
- Location: Dungeon of Pain
STingRae wrote:triangle D!PSH!T!
triangle - three angles - right angle, left angle, sh!t angle
Things are supposed to happen the way they happen. And the reason they happen the way the happen is because you try to make them happen in a certain way and may or may not be succesful.
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rock_26iin - Level 1 Deity
- Posts: 6111
- Joined: Wed Feb 04, 2004 12:42 pm
- Location: L0ST !N $PACE
back on track
got this in mail today .. was funny..check this out
> Below are four (4) questions. You have to answer them instantly.
>
> You CANNOT take your time...... answer all of them immediately!
>
> OK?
>
> Let's find out just how clever you really are.
>
> Ready?
>
>
>
> GO!!!
> (scroll down)
>
>
>
> First Question:
> You are participating in a race. You OVERTAKE the second person.
What
> position are you now in?
>
>
>
> Answer:
> If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If
> you
> overtake
>
> the second person and you take his place, you are second!
> (Try not to screw up in the next question. To answer the second
> question,
> don't
>
> take as much time as you took for the first question.)
>
>
>
> Second Question:
> If you overtake the last person, then you are in what position?
>
>
>
> Answer:
> If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong
again!
> Tell me,
>
> how can you overtake the LAST person?!
> (You're not very good at this are you?)
>
>
>
>
> Third Question:
> Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your HEAD only. DO NOT
use
> paper
> and pencil or a calculator. Try it...
>
> Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add
> another
>
> 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the
total?
>
>
>
> Scroll down for answer..
>
>
>
> Answer:
>
> Did you get 5000?
> The correct answer is actually 4100.
> Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! (Today is definitely
not
> your
> day.)
>
>
> Maybe you will get the last question right?
>
>
>
> Fourth Question:
> Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
> What
> is the
>
> name of the fifth daughter?
>
>
>
> Answer:
> Nunu?
> NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question
got this in mail today .. was funny..check this out
> Below are four (4) questions. You have to answer them instantly.
>
> You CANNOT take your time...... answer all of them immediately!
>
> OK?
>
> Let's find out just how clever you really are.
>
> Ready?
>
>
>
> GO!!!
> (scroll down)
>
>
>
> First Question:
> You are participating in a race. You OVERTAKE the second person.
What
> position are you now in?
>
>
>
> Answer:
> If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If
> you
> overtake
>
> the second person and you take his place, you are second!
> (Try not to screw up in the next question. To answer the second
> question,
> don't
>
> take as much time as you took for the first question.)
>
>
>
> Second Question:
> If you overtake the last person, then you are in what position?
>
>
>
> Answer:
> If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong
again!
> Tell me,
>
> how can you overtake the LAST person?!
> (You're not very good at this are you?)
>
>
>
>
> Third Question:
> Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your HEAD only. DO NOT
use
> paper
> and pencil or a calculator. Try it...
>
> Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add
> another
>
> 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the
total?
>
>
>
> Scroll down for answer..
>
>
>
> Answer:
>
> Did you get 5000?
> The correct answer is actually 4100.
> Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! (Today is definitely
not
> your
> day.)
>
>
> Maybe you will get the last question right?
>
>
>
> Fourth Question:
> Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
> What
> is the
>
> name of the fifth daughter?
>
>
>
> Answer:
> Nunu?
> NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question
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rabbithole - Registered User
- Posts: 339
- Joined: Sat Nov 22, 2003 12:50 am
I'm schizophrenic......
I know I'm in there somewhere, and if I don't come out with my hands up, I'm going to go in there and get me!
http://payne.fullhydblogs.com
http://payne.fullhydblogs.com
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Stingrae - Level 2 Star User
- Posts: 1335
- Joined: Fri Apr 30, 2004 3:35 pm
- Location: Dungeon of Pain
....n so am i.
I know I'm in there somewhere, and if I don't come out with my hands up, I'm going to go in there and get me!
http://payne.fullhydblogs.com
http://payne.fullhydblogs.com
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Stingrae - Level 2 Star User
- Posts: 1335
- Joined: Fri Apr 30, 2004 3:35 pm
- Location: Dungeon of Pain
True Story of a Deep Sea Diver...aka...Don't complain about your job...
" Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a diver's wetsuit.
"This time of year the water is quite cool. So here's what we do to keep warm: We have a diesel-powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temp. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a damn good plan, doesn't it? I've used it several times with no complaints.
"When I get to the bottom and start working, what I do is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck and flood my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until my ass started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my itchy ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.
"In agony I realized what had happened. The hot-water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. This is even worse than poison ivy under a cast. I had put that hose down the back of my suit, but the jellyfish didn't get stuck to my back. My ass was not as fortunate.
"When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my ass. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communications system. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he and 5 other divers were laughing hysterically.
"Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 hellish in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could reach the surface for my chamber dry decompression. I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and gear were tied to the bell. When I got on board, the doctor, with tears of laughter streaming down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to coat my ass when I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for two days because my a*sh**e was swollen shut.
"We've since modified the equipment to filter out most sea creatures.
"Now, the Moral of this story: the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. Think about how much worse your day would be if you were to squash a jellyfish on your ass. I hope you have no bad days at the office. But if you do, I hope this will make it more tolerable."
" Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a diver's wetsuit.
"This time of year the water is quite cool. So here's what we do to keep warm: We have a diesel-powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temp. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a damn good plan, doesn't it? I've used it several times with no complaints.
"When I get to the bottom and start working, what I do is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck and flood my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until my ass started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my itchy ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.
"In agony I realized what had happened. The hot-water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. This is even worse than poison ivy under a cast. I had put that hose down the back of my suit, but the jellyfish didn't get stuck to my back. My ass was not as fortunate.
"When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my ass. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communications system. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he and 5 other divers were laughing hysterically.
"Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 hellish in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could reach the surface for my chamber dry decompression. I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and gear were tied to the bell. When I got on board, the doctor, with tears of laughter streaming down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to coat my ass when I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for two days because my a*sh**e was swollen shut.
"We've since modified the equipment to filter out most sea creatures.
"Now, the Moral of this story: the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. Think about how much worse your day would be if you were to squash a jellyfish on your ass. I hope you have no bad days at the office. But if you do, I hope this will make it more tolerable."
wtf? i no longer care if my posts hurt yr feelings
Love me or hate me, u cant ignore me
Love me or hate me, u cant ignore me
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CtrlAltDel - God!
- Posts: 14824
- Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2002 5:02 pm
- Location: by the Workshop
Camel
(Management Lesson)
Two camels (a mother and a baby) were lazing around,when suddenly baby camel said.
Baby: "mother, mother, can I ask you some question?"
Mother: "sure! why son, is there something bothering you?"
Baby: "why do camel have humps?"
Mother: "well son, we are desert animals, we need the humps to store water and we are known to survive without water."
Baby: "okay, then why are our legs long and our feet rounded."
Mother:"Son, obviously they are meant for walking in the desert.
You know with these legs I can move around the desert better than anyone ",said the mother proudly.
Baby: "okay, said baby camel. "then why are our eye Lashes long?
Sometimes it is bothering my sight." said baby camel.
Mother: "my son, those long thick eye lashes are your Protective cover.
They help to protect your eyes from the desert sand and wind." Said mother camel with eyes brimming with pride.
Baby: "I see. So the hump is to store water when we are in the desert,
the legs are for walking through the desert
and these eyelashes protect my eyes from the desert. Then what the hell are we doing here in a zoo???"
MORAL OF THE STORY :
SKILLS, KNOWLEDGE, ABILITIES AND EXPERIENCE
ARE ONLY USEFUL IF THE
MANAGEMENT GIVES OPPORTUNITY !!!
(Management Lesson)
Two camels (a mother and a baby) were lazing around,when suddenly baby camel said.
Baby: "mother, mother, can I ask you some question?"
Mother: "sure! why son, is there something bothering you?"
Baby: "why do camel have humps?"
Mother: "well son, we are desert animals, we need the humps to store water and we are known to survive without water."
Baby: "okay, then why are our legs long and our feet rounded."
Mother:"Son, obviously they are meant for walking in the desert.
You know with these legs I can move around the desert better than anyone ",said the mother proudly.
Baby: "okay, said baby camel. "then why are our eye Lashes long?
Sometimes it is bothering my sight." said baby camel.
Mother: "my son, those long thick eye lashes are your Protective cover.
They help to protect your eyes from the desert sand and wind." Said mother camel with eyes brimming with pride.
Baby: "I see. So the hump is to store water when we are in the desert,
the legs are for walking through the desert
and these eyelashes protect my eyes from the desert. Then what the hell are we doing here in a zoo???"
MORAL OF THE STORY :
SKILLS, KNOWLEDGE, ABILITIES AND EXPERIENCE
ARE ONLY USEFUL IF THE
MANAGEMENT GIVES OPPORTUNITY !!!
Things are supposed to happen the way they happen. And the reason they happen the way the happen is because you try to make them happen in a certain way and may or may not be succesful.
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rock_26iin - Level 1 Deity
- Posts: 6111
- Joined: Wed Feb 04, 2004 12:42 pm
- Location: L0ST !N $PACE
NEW PRODUCT: MICROSOFT CONTRACEPTIVE2000
Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive2000, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market.
The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.
The Contraceptive2000 suite consists of three products: Condom2000, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 6.0 is bundled in the package.
The suite also comes in two expanded versions.
Contraceptive2000 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector.
Contraceptive2000 Small Business Edition is a package for start-ups, aimed at the coed and gigolo niches.
While Contraceptive2000 does not address non-traditional copulatory channels, future plug-ins are planned for next year. They will be known as BackDoor, AuraLee, TitElation, and JerkOff.
OPERATION - Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs to install the package. At installation, the Condom2000 software checks for minimum hardware. If the user meets the requirements, the product installs and is sufficiently scaleable to meet most requirements.
After installation, operation commences. One caution is that the user must have sufficient RAM to complete the session. When the session is complete, a disconnect is initiated, and the user gets the message, It is now safe to turn off your partner.
DRAWBACKS - Usability testers report that frequent failures were a major concern during beta testing. General Protection Fault was the most serious error encountered. Early versions had numerous bugs, but most of these have been eliminated. The product needs to be installed each time its used.
CONCLUSION - Contraceptive2000 is a robust product. Despite its drawbacks, it is a reasonably good value for its $349.95 price tag, and is far superior to its shareware version. Hopefully, future releases (of the software, that is) will add missing functionality, such as Backout and Restore, Uninterruptible Power Supply, and Onboard Camera.
Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is optimistic about Contraceptive2000's potential. He recently said, "Our contraceptive products will help users do to each other what Microsoft has been doing to them."
Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive2000, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market.
The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.
The Contraceptive2000 suite consists of three products: Condom2000, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 6.0 is bundled in the package.
The suite also comes in two expanded versions.
Contraceptive2000 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector.
Contraceptive2000 Small Business Edition is a package for start-ups, aimed at the coed and gigolo niches.
While Contraceptive2000 does not address non-traditional copulatory channels, future plug-ins are planned for next year. They will be known as BackDoor, AuraLee, TitElation, and JerkOff.
OPERATION - Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs to install the package. At installation, the Condom2000 software checks for minimum hardware. If the user meets the requirements, the product installs and is sufficiently scaleable to meet most requirements.
After installation, operation commences. One caution is that the user must have sufficient RAM to complete the session. When the session is complete, a disconnect is initiated, and the user gets the message, It is now safe to turn off your partner.
DRAWBACKS - Usability testers report that frequent failures were a major concern during beta testing. General Protection Fault was the most serious error encountered. Early versions had numerous bugs, but most of these have been eliminated. The product needs to be installed each time its used.
CONCLUSION - Contraceptive2000 is a robust product. Despite its drawbacks, it is a reasonably good value for its $349.95 price tag, and is far superior to its shareware version. Hopefully, future releases (of the software, that is) will add missing functionality, such as Backout and Restore, Uninterruptible Power Supply, and Onboard Camera.
Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is optimistic about Contraceptive2000's potential. He recently said, "Our contraceptive products will help users do to each other what Microsoft has been doing to them."
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CtrlAltDel - God!
- Posts: 14824
- Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2002 5:02 pm
- Location: by the Workshop
it didn'tazazel wrote:phurst time, im posting an image here..lessee if it works:
wtf? i no longer care if my posts hurt yr feelings
Love me or hate me, u cant ignore me
Love me or hate me, u cant ignore me
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CtrlAltDel - God!
- Posts: 14824
- Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2002 5:02 pm
- Location: by the Workshop
Courtesy BR:
Raavan felt repentence one day for all his bad deeds. He
> felt that he had
> really done a lot of bad things which affected Ram's life,
> so he should
> apologise to Ram.
>
> He went to Ram's house and knockedon the door. Ram opened
> the door and was
> surprised to find Raavan. Raavan also kept staring and
> thinking but didn't
> say a word.
>
> Why???????? What was he thinking??????????
>
> scroll down...........
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> Kis mooh se maafi maangoon?!!!!!!
Raavan felt repentence one day for all his bad deeds. He
> felt that he had
> really done a lot of bad things which affected Ram's life,
> so he should
> apologise to Ram.
>
> He went to Ram's house and knockedon the door. Ram opened
> the door and was
> surprised to find Raavan. Raavan also kept staring and
> thinking but didn't
> say a word.
>
> Why???????? What was he thinking??????????
>
> scroll down...........
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> Kis mooh se maafi maangoon?!!!!!!
May the Fries be with you!
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Mayavi Morpheus - Level 2 Lord
- Posts: 3201
- Joined: Fri May 30, 2003 7:42 am
- Location: 30° 27' North ; 91° 08' West
azazel wrote:phurst time, im posting an image here..lessee if it works:
dude....u hotlinked an attachment from a mail??!!
try uploadin d pic to a free-hostin site like 250free.com or something......geocities won't cut it either coz its bandwidth limited...
I know I'm in there somewhere, and if I don't come out with my hands up, I'm going to go in there and get me!
http://payne.fullhydblogs.com
http://payne.fullhydblogs.com
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Stingrae - Level 2 Star User
- Posts: 1335
- Joined: Fri Apr 30, 2004 3:35 pm
- Location: Dungeon of Pain
what did 1 gay say to the other after seeing a really hot girl??
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jab ladki aisi hai, toh iska bhai kaisa hoga?? (when the girl is so hot, imagine her brother!!)
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jab ladki aisi hai, toh iska bhai kaisa hoga?? (when the girl is so hot, imagine her brother!!)
Things are supposed to happen the way they happen. And the reason they happen the way the happen is because you try to make them happen in a certain way and may or may not be succesful.
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rock_26iin - Level 1 Deity
- Posts: 6111
- Joined: Wed Feb 04, 2004 12:42 pm
- Location: L0ST !N $PACE
A cop stopped a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. He asks the man his name.
"Fred" he replies.
"Fred what?" the cop asks.
"Just Fred" the man responds.
When the cop presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.
The cop thinks he has a nutcase on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
The man replies... "It's a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred Prick. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I didn't have any friends. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor.
"I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I was Fred Prick, MD.
"After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to college. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through college, got my degree so I was now Fred Prick MD DDS."
"Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my secretary. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Prick MD DDS with VD."
"Well, the American Dental Association found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Prick MD with VD."
"Then the American Medical Association found out about the ADA taking way my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Prick with VD."
"Then the VD took away MY Prick so now I'm just Fred."
The cop let him go without even a warning
"Fred" he replies.
"Fred what?" the cop asks.
"Just Fred" the man responds.
When the cop presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.
The cop thinks he has a nutcase on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
The man replies... "It's a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred Prick. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I didn't have any friends. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor.
"I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I was Fred Prick, MD.
"After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to college. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through college, got my degree so I was now Fred Prick MD DDS."
"Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my secretary. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Prick MD DDS with VD."
"Well, the American Dental Association found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Prick MD with VD."
"Then the American Medical Association found out about the ADA taking way my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Prick with VD."
"Then the VD took away MY Prick so now I'm just Fred."
The cop let him go without even a warning
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CtrlAltDel - God!
- Posts: 14824
- Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2002 5:02 pm
- Location: by the Workshop
This is for someone special in this list
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just _.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes
suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After
that, you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others -- they are more
screwed up than you think.
I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're
finished.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are
celebrities.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at
first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its
place.
I've learned that 99% of the time when so! mething isn't working in your
house, one of your kids did it.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just _.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes
suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After
that, you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others -- they are more
screwed up than you think.
I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're
finished.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are
celebrities.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at
first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its
place.
I've learned that 99% of the time when so! mething isn't working in your
house, one of your kids did it.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
- mischievous_M
- Registered User
- Posts: 19
- Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2004 2:32 pm
On the night of their honeymoon, a newlywed couple had an unfortunate accident, resulting in the amputation of the groom's left foot.
Unable to control her grief, the bride called her mother from the hospital.
"Mother", she sobbed, "My husband has only one foot."
The mother, trying to console her daughter said, "You are lucky dear, your father has only four inches."
*********************
"Didn't you follow my advice about kissing your girlfriend When she least expects it?" asked the older brother.
"Oh hell!" replied the younger sibling rubbing his broken nose, "I thought you said 'Where...'."
****************
Unable to control her grief, the bride called her mother from the hospital.
"Mother", she sobbed, "My husband has only one foot."
The mother, trying to console her daughter said, "You are lucky dear, your father has only four inches."
*********************
"Didn't you follow my advice about kissing your girlfriend When she least expects it?" asked the older brother.
"Oh hell!" replied the younger sibling rubbing his broken nose, "I thought you said 'Where...'."
****************
-
CtrlAltDel - God!
- Posts: 14824
- Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2002 5:02 pm
- Location: by the Workshop
Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. A Surd was also experiencing the same every time he tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn."
He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not going for the bloodshed still wanted to take revenge.
Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja (Go to sleep, O dear mosquito, go to sleep)" After some time he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."
He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not going for the bloodshed still wanted to take revenge.
Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja (Go to sleep, O dear mosquito, go to sleep)" After some time he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
-
xylocaine - Registered User
- Posts: 138
- Joined: Wed May 05, 2004 2:46 am
- Location: Here somewhere
dis is my 50th post 
those who dont like dirty jokes can skip this post, thanks
here starts the copy-paste thing:
Lady who visited dentist, lifts her skirt and sits down on the dentist's
chair.
Dentist : I am not a Gynecologist.
Lady :I know Just want you to remove my husband's tooth.
women: How much calcium is there in my breasts?
Doc: Enough to make mine 8 inches long.
Q : A woman who arouses a man & leaves is known as a cock teaser. A male
who does the same to a female is called ?
A : Moisturizer.
Q : Why do women with large breasts have small waists ?
A : Because nothing grows under the shade.
Secreatary : 500 Rupees de do to Kal vapas de doongi.
Boss: 1000 le le magar aaj dede.
# A man is dying of cancer.His son asked "dad, why u keep telling people
u r
dying of AIDS ?
Dad replies : "So when i'm dead no one is going 2 _ your mom"
Finally a shayari
aaye ho duniya mein to kuch aisa kar gujro kadardaan
ke jis gali se gujre awaz aae abba jaan abba jaan
those who dont like dirty jokes can skip this post, thanks
here starts the copy-paste thing:
Lady who visited dentist, lifts her skirt and sits down on the dentist's
chair.
Dentist : I am not a Gynecologist.
Lady :I know Just want you to remove my husband's tooth.
women: How much calcium is there in my breasts?
Doc: Enough to make mine 8 inches long.
Q : A woman who arouses a man & leaves is known as a cock teaser. A male
who does the same to a female is called ?
A : Moisturizer.
Q : Why do women with large breasts have small waists ?
A : Because nothing grows under the shade.
Secreatary : 500 Rupees de do to Kal vapas de doongi.
Boss: 1000 le le magar aaj dede.
# A man is dying of cancer.His son asked "dad, why u keep telling people
u r
dying of AIDS ?
Dad replies : "So when i'm dead no one is going 2 _ your mom"
Finally a shayari
aaye ho duniya mein to kuch aisa kar gujro kadardaan
ke jis gali se gujre awaz aae abba jaan abba jaan
whether its ur ass r mirror......a blind man see the same
-
cool jack - Registered User
- Posts: 190
- Joined: Wed Jun 23, 2004 4:01 pm
- Location: East fricking coast
A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions."
He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "What is your occupation?"
The woman replies, "I'm a whore."
The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that."
The woman says, "OK, I'm a prostitute."
"No, that is still too crude. Try again."
They both think for a minute, then the woman says, "I'm a chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a
whore or a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year!"
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions."
He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "What is your occupation?"
The woman replies, "I'm a whore."
The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that."
The woman says, "OK, I'm a prostitute."
"No, that is still too crude. Try again."
They both think for a minute, then the woman says, "I'm a chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a
whore or a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year!"
-
CtrlAltDel - God!
- Posts: 14824
- Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2002 5:02 pm
- Location: by the Workshop
Relationship Confusion
I married a widow who had a grown-up daughter. My father, who visited us quite often, fell in love with my stepdaughter and married her. Hence, my father became my son-in-law, and my stepdaughter became my mother. Some months later, my wife gave birth to a son, who became the brother-in-law of my father as well as my uncle. The wife of my father, that is my stepdaughter, also had a son. Thereby, I got a brother and at the same time a grandson. My wife is my grandmother, since she is my mother’s mother. Hence, I am my wife’s husband and at the same time her step-grandson, in other words, I am my own grandfather.
I married a widow who had a grown-up daughter. My father, who visited us quite often, fell in love with my stepdaughter and married her. Hence, my father became my son-in-law, and my stepdaughter became my mother. Some months later, my wife gave birth to a son, who became the brother-in-law of my father as well as my uncle. The wife of my father, that is my stepdaughter, also had a son. Thereby, I got a brother and at the same time a grandson. My wife is my grandmother, since she is my mother’s mother. Hence, I am my wife’s husband and at the same time her step-grandson, in other words, I am my own grandfather.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
-
xylocaine - Registered User
- Posts: 138
- Joined: Wed May 05, 2004 2:46 am
- Location: Here somewhere
...the entire joke is as follows:xylocaine wrote:Relationship Confusion
"A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter. We got married and got myself a stepdaughter. Later, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter, my step-mother. And my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law".
"Much later the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son. But he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son. That made me the grand-father of my half-brother."
"This was nothing until my wife and I had a Baby. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the Grandmother. This makes my father, the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife, I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am my OWN GRANDFATHER!"
-
CtrlAltDel - God!
- Posts: 14824
- Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2002 5:02 pm
- Location: by the Workshop
CtrlAltDel wrote:...the entire joke is as follows:xylocaine wrote:Relationship Confusion
"A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter. We got married and.... I am my OWN GRANDFATHER!"
Thx for representing it. More clear-to-get now..
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
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xylocaine - Registered User
- Posts: 138
- Joined: Wed May 05, 2004 2:46 am
- Location: Here somewhere
Prof. Bihari
#Inside the Class :
----------------
* Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
* Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
* Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger half.
* Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away in the corridor
* You, meet me behind the class. ( meaning AFTER the class )..
* Both of u three, get out of the class.
* Close the doors of the windows please .. I have winter in my nose today...
* Take 5 cm wire of any length....
# About his family :
----------------
* I have two daughters. Both of them are girls...(?)
# At the ground :
-------------
* All of you, stand in a straight circle.
* There is no wind in the balloon.
# To a boy, angrily :
-----------------
* I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk ?
# Giving a punishment :
----------
* You, rotate the ground four times...
* You, go and under-stand the tree...
* You three of you, stand together separately.
* Why are you late - say YES or NO ....(?)
# Sir at his best :
------------------------------
Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did not see them.So the next day at school... (to that boy) - " Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre."
-------------------------------
Banta Singh to an eye specialist: Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?
Doc: Yes, of course, why not!
Banta: Oh! How nice it would be I’ve been illiterate for so long.
#Inside the Class :
----------------
* Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
* Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
* Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger half.
* Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away in the corridor
* You, meet me behind the class. ( meaning AFTER the class )..
* Both of u three, get out of the class.
* Close the doors of the windows please .. I have winter in my nose today...
* Take 5 cm wire of any length....
# About his family :
----------------
* I have two daughters. Both of them are girls...(?)
# At the ground :
-------------
* All of you, stand in a straight circle.
* There is no wind in the balloon.
# To a boy, angrily :
-----------------
* I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk ?
# Giving a punishment :
----------
* You, rotate the ground four times...
* You, go and under-stand the tree...
* You three of you, stand together separately.
* Why are you late - say YES or NO ....(?)
# Sir at his best :
------------------------------
Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did not see them.So the next day at school... (to that boy) - " Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre."
-------------------------------
Banta Singh to an eye specialist: Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?
Doc: Yes, of course, why not!
Banta: Oh! How nice it would be I’ve been illiterate for so long.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
-
xylocaine - Registered User
- Posts: 138
- Joined: Wed May 05, 2004 2:46 am
- Location: Here somewhere
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