Medical Entrance Special!

[Happy Hyderabadi]

Thank You, Dear Candidate for a Medical CET, For Your Special Answers to Define the following Terms:



* ANTI BODY - against everyone

* ARTERY - the study of fine paintings

* BACTERIA - back door to a cafeteria

* BENIGN - what you be after eight

* BOWEL - letters like a, e, I, o, u.

* CAESAREAN SECTION - a district in Rome

* CARDIOLOGY - advanced study of card playing

* CAT SCAN - searching for a lost kitty

* CHRONIC - the neck of a crow

* COMA - punctuation mark

* CORTISONE - area around the local court

* CYST - short for sister

* DIAGNOSIS - person with a slanted nose

* DILATE - the late British Princess Diana

* DIS-LOCATION - Not in this place

* DUODENUM - a couple in blue jeans

* ENEMA - not a friend

* FALSE LABOUR - pretending to work

* GENES - blue denim Jeans

* GROIN - smile

* HERNIA - she is close/near by

* HYMEN - greeting to several men

* IMPOTENT - distinguished / well known

* LABOUR PAIN - hurt at work

* LACTOSE - people without feet

* LYMPH - walk unsteadily

* MENOPAUSE - me no wait

* MICROBES - small dressing gown

* OBESITY - city of Obe

* PACEMAKER - winner of the Nobel Peace Prize

* PROTEIN - in favour of teens

* PULSE - grain

* RED BLOOD COUNT - Dracula

* RUPTURE - ecstasy

* SECRETION - hiding something

* SUBCUTANEOUS - not cute enough

* SUTURE - Gujarati for 'what do you want'

* TABLET - a small table

* TUMOUR - an extra pair

* ULTRASOUND - radical noise

* URINE - opposite of you're out

* VARICOSE - very close

* VAS DEFERENS - extremely difficult

* VEIN - at what time

* VITREOUS HUMOR - witty & funny



PS: This is Not the PM's Qualifying ... Easy Test

[CtrlAltDel]

PUNJAB ENGINEERING & MEDICAL ENTRANCE EXAM

Time Limit: 3 Weeks



1. What language is spoken in Tamil Nadu ?



2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions

-OR-

Give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.



3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to

(a) build a bridge (b)sail the ocean

(c) lead an army (d) WRITE A PLAY



4. What religion is the Pope?

(a) Jewish (b) Catholic

(c) Hindu (d) Polish

(e) Buddhist

(check only one)



5. In Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?



6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?



7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)



8. What are people in India's north called?

(a) Westerners (b) Southerners

(c) Northerners (d) Easterners



9. Spell- Bush, Carter and Clinton



10. Six kings of India have been called Akbar ,the last one being Akbar the Sixth. Name the previous five.



11. Where does rain come from?

(a) FoodWorld (b) WaterWorld

(c) Canada (d) the sky



12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?

(a) yes (b) no

(b) maybe (d) none of the above



13. What are coat hangers used for?



14. The "Jana Gana Mana " is the National Anthem for what country?



15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium

-OR-

spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.



16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?



17. Which part of India produces the most oranges?

(a)Gujarat (b) Russia

(c) Canada (d) Pakistan



18. Advanced math: If you have three apples how many apples do you have?



19. What does AIR (All India Radio) stand for?



20. The University of Chandigarh tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)?

(a) B.C. (b) A.D. (c) still waiting



You must answer at least three questions correctly to qualify.

[Happy Hyderabadi]

Santa Enters Medical ...

Santa Singh while traveling on a motor bike met with an accident. He was hurried to the hospital and was taken to the operating table immediately as his lower portion was affected.

On inspection it was found that his vitals are crushed. Immediate transplant was necessary. No fresh dead body was available, also no donor so the doctors decided to go ahead with dog’s. So instead of emasculating a dog fully they removed one and placed it inside Santa. After a few days of hospitalization, Santa became fit and walked out of the hospital.

After a few days Santa came across the doctor who operated on him. The doctor inquired from Santa,” Any trouble.”



“Not really, excepting for one little problem.”

“What is that?’ the doctor asked.

“Whenever I see a lamp post, my left leg automatically goes up.” Santa replied.

[Habitual Perfectionist]

One sardarji was appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says, " it says here, 'Answer the following questions in brief' "

[Habitual Perfectionist]

Sardarji was filling up a job application form where he had to mention his sex. He wrote "10 times a week" in the column provided. A co-applicant saw this and told the Sardar that it means male or female. Sardarji added "Kabhi Male Kabhi Female".

[rabbithole]

i wonder how the jokes specifically on sardars started?

[Habitual Perfectionist]

Dunno how they started but here are a couple of other nice ones.



A sardar walked up to the front desk of the library and said, "I borrowed a book last week, but it was the most boring I've ever read. There was no story whatsoever, and there were far too many characters!" The librarian replied, "Oh, you must be the person who took our phone book."



One rainy day, Santa Singh was driving his new FERRARI. He was not a very good driver and so, did not have complete control on it. Mike Tyson was also riding his bike on the same road. At a speed breaker Santa's car came in contact with Tyson’s bike. Tyson got very angry. He dragged Santa out of the car and threw him a few yards away from the car. Tyson then drew a small circle around Santa and shouted " Hey!! It's not easy for you to damage my bike and get away. Now i will be thrashing your car. You should stay inside this circle and watch me smash your car. If you come out of the circle, I will kill you immediately".

Then Tyson turned towards the car and he smashed its side indicators. Then he looked at Santa. Santa looked at Tyson sarcastically. Tyson's anger grew and he smashed the windowpanes and then again looked at Santa. Santa grinned at Tyson. Tyson was confused. Tyson could now not at all control his anger and he broke the side doors and tore away the seats of the car. Then he again looked at Santa. Santa was laughing so hard that he could hardly stand it. This time Tyson came to Santa and said "Hey! What is this? I am spoiling your expensive car and you are so happy about it?" Santa replied, "Every time you turned towards the car I was out of the circle and you didn't notice it."



One day sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor of a building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa singh your daughter Preeto just died in an accident." Sardarji was in panic. Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window. While coming down when he was near the tenth floor, he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto. When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married. When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he wasn't Santa Singh.

[Happy Hyderabadi]

i wonder how the jokes specifically on sardars started?

Jolly Good Fellows ... These Ab-"Surd"s, er Sardars Are!

The Ab-Surds Are Lion Hearted and Jolly Good Fellows ... Their Greatest Quality is the Ability to Laugh ... At Themselves, Also!

Now, We have a New Dimension Sardarji ... Our PM ... No Joker ... This Great Singh of India ... Let Us Wish Him ALL The Best!

[CtrlAltDel]

A sardar's standing in a queue outside a stadium to watch a match. the queue is quite long and when he almost nears the ticket window, he hears someone shout "Oye Banta...idhar aa" he goes back till the beginning of the line but sees no one calling him.

he has to stand in the queue again and after about 30 minutes, when he reaches the ticket window, he hears it again "Oye Banta...idhar aa". once again, he goes till the start of the line. no one seems interested in him.

once again he stands in the queue and this time after 30 minutes, he manages a ticket.

he goes inside and takes his seat. just when the match is about to start the same voice shouts from somewhere in the back "Oye Banta...idhar aa". he now loses it. rolling up his sleeves, he stands up and thunders "Abbe oh....kaun hai be...mera naam Banta nahin, Santa hai..."

[Happy Hyderabadi]

Big Medical Entrance Test Question (Model):


Discuss the Environmental Concerns for Di-Stink-T Gas OR Effart / Ef-fart / Eff-art ie E -Gas Release / Treatment / Management .

[On - Line Examinees May Seek Advice from FH Specialists!]

[Happy Hyderabadi]

Family Welfare!

Visit:

http://www.thedesi.com/jokes4.php



Gandhiji Joke



God asked Lal Bahadur Shastri how many children he had during his time on earth. He replied saying he had three!

Happy with the relatively good family planning adopted, God gave Shastri a Mercedes!



Subhash Chandra Bose is asked the same question.

When he replies he had 10 children, God is a bit upset and gives him a cheaper car, the Ford.



Jawaharlal is next.

He decides to see what happens if he says he had 15 children, God is pretty angry and gives him an inexpensive Maruti.



Sometime later the three see Mahatma Gandhi returning on foot.

They ask why God hadn't given him anything.

Gandhiji replied with anger, "Some idiot told God that I was the FATHER OF THE NATION!"

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Happy Entrance to the College of Jokes, Laughter and Family Welfare!

[rock_26iin]

Bihar Driving License...
======================

DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM
-----------------------------------------------------------------


NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter.
He will give you the licen.

For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.


1. Last name:

(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dot no

(Check karet box)

2. First name:

(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dot no

(Check karet box)

3. Age:

(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dot no

(Check karet box)

4. Sex: ____ M _____ P(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable

5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right

6.Occupason:

(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed

(Check karet box)

7. Number of children libing in the household: ___

8. Number that are yours: ___

9. Mather name: _______________________

10. Phather Name: ____________________ (If not no,leave blank)

11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

12. Dental rekard:

(_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other -__________ Give egjhakt color

(Check karet box)

13.Your thumb imparesson :
____________________________

(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy thumb impression also. Please
provide your own thumb impression.)

PELEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS

Use thumb on your lepht hand only. If you dont have lepht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.

NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE.

WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS

====================

[Happy Hyderabadi]

Racing Sardars!

Visit:

http://www.thedesi.com/jokes4.php

http://www.thedesi.com/sardarji_jokes.php

Race to the Sun:



Two Sardarjis, both Students of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.



One said to the other, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the Moon. We are sardars we will go direct to the sun."



"But if we get within 13 million miles from the Sun, we'll melt."



And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at Night."

--------------

Happy Entrance to the College of Jokes, Laughter and Family Welfare!

[Habitual Perfectionist]

Is this the official humour thread now? Let it be...the other one was too long to go through.



Q - What does a bihari labourer say at the end of a hard day?

A - "Saala...poora body mein headache maar raha hai."









A bihari in a ticket queue at a movie theatre.



Bihari : Balcony ka dotho ticketwa dijiyega?

Attendant : House full hai bhai

Bihari : Theek hai. Dotho house full de dijiye









A bihari at a cigarette shop.



Bihari : Ektho Will dijiyega?

Shopkeeper : Aisa to kuch nahi milta. Aapko Wills chahiye kya?

Bihari : Naheee na...humka ektho will chahiye

Shopkeeper : Will naamse koi cigarette nahi milti bhaiya. Wills hai..dein kya?

Bihari : Nahi...humka ektho Will chahiye.

Shopkeeper : Naam theek se nahi lenge to hum cigarette nahi denge. Chaliye..Wills boliye.

Bihari : Poora paketwa thode hi na maang rahein hain hum. Ektho chahiye to Wills kaahe kahein? Will hi to kahenge na.

[Peeping tom]

Oh young guys, Light humor after long long time.

[Happy Hyderabadi]

Oh young guys, Light humor (LH) after long long time.

Thank You, Some LH From You, Too, Ms PT!

[Happy Hyderabadi]

Supernatural ... Santa Singh!

Visit:

http://www.thedesi.com/jokes4.php

http://www.thedesi.com/sardarji_jokes.php

Supernatural:



There was this case in the hospital's Intensive care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 11a.m., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM.



So a worldwide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.



Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off evil........ Just when the clock struck 11... Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system & plugged in the vacuum cleaner.

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Happy Entrance to the College of Jokes, Laughter and Family Welfare!

[Happy Hyderabadi]

"Long Distance from Cal ..."



Raj and his wife were just settling in to bed one night when the phone rang. Raj got out of bed and went into the living room to answer the phone. His wife could hear him say, "Hello?" Then he said, "Sure is." He hung up the receiver and went back to bed.



A minute later the phone rang again. Raj got out of bed and went into the other room and his wife could hear him say, "Hello?" again and then he said, "Sure is." again. He hung up the receiver and went back to bed. The wife asked who it was. Raj said he didn‘t know.



A minute later the phone rang again. Raj got out of bed and went into the other room and his wife could hear him say, "Hello?" Then he said, "Sure is." He hung up the receiver and went back to bed. The wife asked again about the caller. Raj said he didn‘t know who it was.



The wife then asked, "Well, what did the person say? He said, "It‘s odd, a woman just keeps saying: "Long distance from Calcutta..."

---------------

Visit:

http://www.thedesi.com/sardarji_jokes.php

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[Happy Hyderabadi]

Question of Naturopathy Doctor!
Anything Other Than Water is Treated As A "Meal" in Naturopathy or "Nature Cure" ... So What is Your MPD - "Meals" Per Day?

[Happy Hyderabadi]

One Car Vs Hundreds of Cars!



"Careful Driver!":



As Raj was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang.



Answering, he heard his wife‘s voice urgently warning him, "Buta-jee, I just heard on the news that there‘s a car going the wrong way on the motorway you are on. Please be careful!"

"It‘s not just one car," said Buta Singh. "It‘s hundreds of them!"

---------------

Visit:

http://www.thedesi.com/sardarji_jokes.php

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[rock_26iin]

One Car Vs Hundreds of Cars!

"Careful Driver!":

As Raj was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang.

now was that a coincidence or did u do it on purpose HH saar??

[Happy Hyderabadi]

One Car Vs Hundreds of Cars!

"Careful Driver!":

As Raj was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang.

now was that a coincidence or did u do it on purpose HH saar??

100 % Original Version ... No Deviation ... No Editing! Thank You, R_26, For Your Interest and Query!

-------------

[Happy Hyderabadi]

Honeymoon "Four Letter" Words!

Visit:

http://www.pugmarks.com/humour/general.htm



* Honeymoon "Four Letter" Words!

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

"Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother.

"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language.

He's been saying things I've never heard before!

All these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mama!"

"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?"

"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed! They're just too awful! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mama!"

"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"

Still sobbing, the bride replied, "Oh, mama...words like dust, wash, iron, and cook..."



--------------

Happy Entrance to the College of Jokes, Laughter and Family Welfare!

[Happy Hyderabadi]

[quote="Happy Hyderabadi"] Honeymoon "Four Letter" Words!

Visit:

http://www.pugmarks.com/humour/lawyer.htmisit: http://www.pugmarks.com/humour/lawyer.htm

* Thieves!

A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that his patient would survive the night. The man then said "Call for my lawyer." When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind. The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side, and I thought I'd check out the same way."

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Happy Entrance to the College of Jokes, Laughter and Family Welfare!

[HH]

Visit:

http://www.pugmarks.com/humour/general.htm



Age of Dinousar Bones!



Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"



The guard replies, "They are 3 million, four years, and six months old."



"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"



The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."





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