A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are
hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man; that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's
nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from
God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the
rest of our days."
Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely! This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man who nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police."
Moral of the story:
Women are evil. Don't mess with them
Woman
Moderator: The Moderator Team
11 posts
• Page 1 of 1
Women are Evil : With a proof!
Fine Print : I am no Women Hater.. but i think this is interesting!
And so it goes
Women love to be showered with attention=Time and gifts=money, so
Women = Time x Money
And everyone knows Time = Money so substituting Money for Time we get
Women = Money x Money
And we know, Money = Root of Evil ! Mathematically shown as Money = _/Evil
so, substituting (Root of Evil) for Money we get
Women = (Root of Evil) X (Root of Evil) = (_/Evil) X (_/Evil)
leading us to the final reduced form, i.e The Truth
Women = Evil
Proved finally and I am sticking by it...
PS: With that Badmash moons ( )( ) all feminist watch dogs and envites them to bite his ASS!
Fine Print : I am no Women Hater.. but i think this is interesting!
And so it goes
Women love to be showered with attention=Time and gifts=money, so
Women = Time x Money
And everyone knows Time = Money so substituting Money for Time we get
Women = Money x Money
And we know, Money = Root of Evil ! Mathematically shown as Money = _/Evil
so, substituting (Root of Evil) for Money we get
Women = (Root of Evil) X (Root of Evil) = (_/Evil) X (_/Evil)
leading us to the final reduced form, i.e The Truth
Women = Evil
Proved finally and I am sticking by it...
PS: With that Badmash moons ( )( ) all feminist watch dogs and envites them to bite his ASS!
- asli_badmash
- Level 2 Star User
- Posts: 1180
- Joined: Thu Jan 29, 2004 12:18 am
Lol! Some deduction that! But just remember the world would be a boring place if there were no women... 
Yeah ok it works both ways.
I read this somewhere, 'We put one man on the moon. Why didn't we put them all???"
To continue in the same vein, 'So many men, so little aspirin'
Keep the humour intact, all! Heaven knows, we all need it!
Yeah ok it works both ways.I read this somewhere, 'We put one man on the moon. Why didn't we put them all???"
To continue in the same vein, 'So many men, so little aspirin'
Keep the humour intact, all! Heaven knows, we all need it!
- Not a girl not yet a woman
- Registered User
asli_badmash wrote:Women are Evil : With a proof!
Fine Print : I am no Women Hater.. but i think this is interesting!
And so it goes
Women love to be showered with attention=Time and gifts=money, so
Women = Time x Money
And everyone knows Time = Money so substituting Money for Time we get
Women = Money x Money
And we know, Money = Root of Evil ! Mathematically shown as Money = _/Evil
so, substituting (Root of Evil) for Money we get
Women = (Root of Evil) X (Root of Evil) = (_/Evil) X (_/Evil)
leading us to the final reduced form, i.e The Truth
Women = Evil
Proved finally and I am sticking by it...
PS: With that Badmash moons ( )( ) all feminist watch dogs and envites them to bite his ASS!
Good observation, thanks.
-
BM - Level 1 Star User
- Posts: 821
- Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2003 2:06 pm
Just to add to the whole boiling:
Many Romance Languages (Italian, Spanish, French) give even inanimate
objects a gender. In Spanish, for example, this determines whether you
use el or la in front of the noun. If English designated things as
either male or female, here are a few recommendations.
SWISS ARMY KNIFE: Male, because even though it appears useful for a wide
variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
COPIER: Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up.
Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons
are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are
pushed.
HAMMER: Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years,
but it's handy to have around.
HOT AIR BALLOON: Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to
light a fire under it. And, of course, there's the hot air part.
HOURGLASS: Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
KIDNEYS: Female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.
REMOTE CONTROL: Female! Consider this: It gives a man pleasure. He'd be
lost without it. And while he doesn't always know the right buttons to
push, he keeps trying.
SHOE: Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging
out.
SPONGES: Female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
SUBWAY: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
TIRES: Male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated.
Many Romance Languages (Italian, Spanish, French) give even inanimate
objects a gender. In Spanish, for example, this determines whether you
use el or la in front of the noun. If English designated things as
either male or female, here are a few recommendations.
SWISS ARMY KNIFE: Male, because even though it appears useful for a wide
variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
COPIER: Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up.
Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons
are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are
pushed.
HAMMER: Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years,
but it's handy to have around.
HOT AIR BALLOON: Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to
light a fire under it. And, of course, there's the hot air part.
HOURGLASS: Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
KIDNEYS: Female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.
REMOTE CONTROL: Female! Consider this: It gives a man pleasure. He'd be
lost without it. And while he doesn't always know the right buttons to
push, he keeps trying.
SHOE: Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging
out.
SPONGES: Female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
SUBWAY: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
TIRES: Male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated.
-
Fiddler - Registered User
- Posts: 402
- Joined: Thu Nov 06, 2003 5:41 pm
- Location: Out-whirled
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups-male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should
be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review; and
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your salary on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because:
In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review; and
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your salary on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because:
In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
- Mona Lisa Laughs
- Registered User
Women Speak in Estrogen and Men Listen in Testosterone
Women Speak in Estrogen and Men Listen in Testosterone
Sure, you thought you already knew that. But now we have proof. After countless hours of surveys and studies on the following topics, these facts have emerged....
Relationships:
First of all, a man does not call a relationship a relationship - he refers to it as "that time when me and Suzy were doing ‘it’ on a semi-regular basis".
When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men are idiots". Then she will get on with her life.
A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total bitch. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us".
This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% if not all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need, alas, these classes rarely prove effective.
Maturity:
Women mature much faster than men do. Most 17 year old females can function as adults. Most 17 year old males are still playing computer games.
This is why school romances rarely work out.
Handwriting:
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just scribble. Women use scented, coloured stationery and they dot their i's with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their p's and g's it is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.
Comedy:
Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching television, and an episode of the Three Stooges comes on. Immediately, the men will get very excited, they will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the actions of Curly, man's favourite. The woman will roll their eyes and groan and wait it out.
Bathrooms:
A man has six items in his bathroom;- a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel flicked from some hotel. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
Groceries:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the shop and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half an orange and a beer-can. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout, his trolley is packed tighter than any refugee’s belongings.
Shoes:
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a designer wool suit, and then slip on Reebok shoes. She will carry her dress shoes in a designer label plastic bag. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.
Going Out:
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she WILL be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her earring, finishes putting on her makeup, and decides what dress to wear.
Cats:
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
Dressing Up:
A woman will dress up well to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the rubbish, answer the phone, read a book, get the post. A man will dress up well for:- weddings, or funerals.
Nicknames:
If Mary, Suzanne, Jane and Alice get together for lunch, they will call each other Mary, Suzanne, Jane and Alice. But if Mike, Dave, Tom and Jack go out for a pint, they will affectionately refer to each other as Butt-Head, Tosser, Peanut-Brain and Useless.
Eating out:
When the bill comes, Mike, Dave, Tom and Jack will each throw in £20 note, even though it's only for £22.50, none of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
Mirrors:
Men are vain, they will always check themselves out in a mirror. Women are ridiculous, they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, and men’s heads.
The Telephone:
Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will phone the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
Directions:
If a woman is out driving, and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a petrol station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there" and, "I know I'm in the general area, I recognise that pub".
Admitting Mistakes:
Men will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last woman who admitted she was wrong was ...well that was a long time ago..we dont remember who it was.
Plants:
A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man waters the plants. The woman comes home five or six days later to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.
Garages:
Women use garages to park their cars and store their lawnmowers. Men use garages for many things. They hang car parts in garages, they avoid women in garages, and they build useless lopsided benches in garages.
Jewellery:
Women look nice when they wear jewellery. A man can get away with wearing one ring and that's it. Any more than that and he will look like Boy George's lover.
Sure, you thought you already knew that. But now we have proof. After countless hours of surveys and studies on the following topics, these facts have emerged....
Relationships:
First of all, a man does not call a relationship a relationship - he refers to it as "that time when me and Suzy were doing ‘it’ on a semi-regular basis".
When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men are idiots". Then she will get on with her life.
A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total bitch. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us".
This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% if not all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need, alas, these classes rarely prove effective.
Maturity:
Women mature much faster than men do. Most 17 year old females can function as adults. Most 17 year old males are still playing computer games.
This is why school romances rarely work out.
Handwriting:
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just scribble. Women use scented, coloured stationery and they dot their i's with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their p's and g's it is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.
Comedy:
Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching television, and an episode of the Three Stooges comes on. Immediately, the men will get very excited, they will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the actions of Curly, man's favourite. The woman will roll their eyes and groan and wait it out.
Bathrooms:
A man has six items in his bathroom;- a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel flicked from some hotel. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
Groceries:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the shop and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half an orange and a beer-can. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout, his trolley is packed tighter than any refugee’s belongings.
Shoes:
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a designer wool suit, and then slip on Reebok shoes. She will carry her dress shoes in a designer label plastic bag. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.
Going Out:
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she WILL be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her earring, finishes putting on her makeup, and decides what dress to wear.
Cats:
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
Dressing Up:
A woman will dress up well to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the rubbish, answer the phone, read a book, get the post. A man will dress up well for:- weddings, or funerals.
Nicknames:
If Mary, Suzanne, Jane and Alice get together for lunch, they will call each other Mary, Suzanne, Jane and Alice. But if Mike, Dave, Tom and Jack go out for a pint, they will affectionately refer to each other as Butt-Head, Tosser, Peanut-Brain and Useless.
Eating out:
When the bill comes, Mike, Dave, Tom and Jack will each throw in £20 note, even though it's only for £22.50, none of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
Mirrors:
Men are vain, they will always check themselves out in a mirror. Women are ridiculous, they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, and men’s heads.
The Telephone:
Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will phone the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
Directions:
If a woman is out driving, and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a petrol station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there" and, "I know I'm in the general area, I recognise that pub".
Admitting Mistakes:
Men will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last woman who admitted she was wrong was ...well that was a long time ago..we dont remember who it was.
Plants:
A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man waters the plants. The woman comes home five or six days later to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.
Garages:
Women use garages to park their cars and store their lawnmowers. Men use garages for many things. They hang car parts in garages, they avoid women in garages, and they build useless lopsided benches in garages.
Jewellery:
Women look nice when they wear jewellery. A man can get away with wearing one ring and that's it. Any more than that and he will look like Boy George's lover.
- CtrlAltDel
- Registered User
Genie On A Beach
A man was walking along the beach when he found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it.
A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you one wish, but only one.."
The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So, I wish for a bridge to be built from here to Hawaii ."
The genie thought for a few minutes and said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved with the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask."
The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with? Basically, what makes them tick?"
The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?
A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you one wish, but only one.."
The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So, I wish for a bridge to be built from here to Hawaii ."
The genie thought for a few minutes and said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved with the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask."
The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with? Basically, what makes them tick?"
The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?
- Mona Lisa Smiles
- Registered User
questions in Cosmopolitan
What if Men answered ladies' questions in Cosmopolitan Magazine..?
Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex with me and my sister.
A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing your sister. Far from being an issue, this will bring all of the family together. Why not get some cousins involved? If you are still apprehensive, then let him go with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behaviour.
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex with him.
A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories a
spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to keep your figure and gives a
great glow to the skin. Interestingly, a man knows this. His offer to you
to perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is extremely
painful for a man. This shows he loves you. Best thing to do is to thank
him, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behaviour - and it should be encouraged. The
man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at how
emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. Best
thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice
meal and don't mention this aspect of his behaviour.
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with
it, do it in your own time. To help with the family budget you may wish to
video tape yourself while doing this, and to sell it at flea markets. To
ease your selfish guilt, buy your man a nice expensive present, and cook
him a delicious meal.
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that you do not ove
your man as much as you should - he has to work a lot to get you in the
mood. Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by buying a
nice expensive present, and cooking a nice meal.
Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.
A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant, man-hating
feminists and is a danger to the family unit. Don't mention it again to him
and show your love to him by buying a nice expensive present and don't
forget to cook him a delicious meal.
Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not confused emotionally as women. It's a proven fact.
Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
A: YES. Before if possible.
Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember
is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes,
however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.
Q: How long should the sex act last?
A: There is no average time, but anything over two minutes is good.
Anything under that and you may be rushing your man. After your man has finished making love, he'll have a natural desire to leave you suddenly, and go out with his friends to play golf. Or perhaps another activity, such as going out with his friends to the bar for the purpose of consuming large amounts of alcohol and sharing a few personal thoughts with his buddies. Don't feel left out-while he's gone you can busy yourself by doing his laundry, cleaning his apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an expensive gift. He'll come back when he's ready.
Q: What is "afterplay?"
A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to replenish his manly
energy. "Afterplay" is simply a list of important activities for you to do
after the lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette, making him a
sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few beers, or leaving him alone to sleep
while you go out and buy him an expensive gift.
Q: Does the size of the penis matter?
A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not quantity, is
important, studies show this is simply not true. The average erect male
penis measures about 3 inches. Anything longer than that is extremely rare and, if by some chance your lover's sexual organ is 4 inches or over, you should go down on your knees and......thank your lucky stars and do everything possible to please him, such as doing his laundry, cleaning his apartment and buying him an expensive gift.
Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex with me and my sister.
A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing your sister. Far from being an issue, this will bring all of the family together. Why not get some cousins involved? If you are still apprehensive, then let him go with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behaviour.
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex with him.
A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories a
spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to keep your figure and gives a
great glow to the skin. Interestingly, a man knows this. His offer to you
to perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is extremely
painful for a man. This shows he loves you. Best thing to do is to thank
him, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behaviour - and it should be encouraged. The
man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at how
emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. Best
thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice
meal and don't mention this aspect of his behaviour.
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with
it, do it in your own time. To help with the family budget you may wish to
video tape yourself while doing this, and to sell it at flea markets. To
ease your selfish guilt, buy your man a nice expensive present, and cook
him a delicious meal.
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that you do not ove
your man as much as you should - he has to work a lot to get you in the
mood. Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by buying a
nice expensive present, and cooking a nice meal.
Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.
A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant, man-hating
feminists and is a danger to the family unit. Don't mention it again to him
and show your love to him by buying a nice expensive present and don't
forget to cook him a delicious meal.
Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not confused emotionally as women. It's a proven fact.
Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
A: YES. Before if possible.
Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember
is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes,
however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.
Q: How long should the sex act last?
A: There is no average time, but anything over two minutes is good.
Anything under that and you may be rushing your man. After your man has finished making love, he'll have a natural desire to leave you suddenly, and go out with his friends to play golf. Or perhaps another activity, such as going out with his friends to the bar for the purpose of consuming large amounts of alcohol and sharing a few personal thoughts with his buddies. Don't feel left out-while he's gone you can busy yourself by doing his laundry, cleaning his apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an expensive gift. He'll come back when he's ready.
Q: What is "afterplay?"
A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to replenish his manly
energy. "Afterplay" is simply a list of important activities for you to do
after the lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette, making him a
sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few beers, or leaving him alone to sleep
while you go out and buy him an expensive gift.
Q: Does the size of the penis matter?
A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not quantity, is
important, studies show this is simply not true. The average erect male
penis measures about 3 inches. Anything longer than that is extremely rare and, if by some chance your lover's sexual organ is 4 inches or over, you should go down on your knees and......thank your lucky stars and do everything possible to please him, such as doing his laundry, cleaning his apartment and buying him an expensive gift.
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