Santa Banta Corner!

[CtrlAltDel]

hi all, Santa Banta jokes are among my favourites. i am to starting this board to collect the jokes. hopefully u\'ll contribute to this and add to the humour around here.
<br>(*This board is NOT targetted at any community, plz take it all in good humour!*)
<br>Here goes the first joke:
<br>****************
<br>Banta Singh was implored by his eldest son Joginder. \"Father, I am in love!\"
<br>
<br>\"Tell me, is she a good Sikh girl?\" says the father. \"What is her name?\"
<br>
<br>\"Fatima,\" replies the son. \"She\'s Muslim.\"
<br>
<br>\"Oye!\" says Banta. \"But are you happy?\"
<br>
<br>\"I\'m happy,\" says the son.
<br>
<br>\"Ok, as long as you\'re happy, my blessings to you both,\" replies Banta.
<br>
<br>But the father is still counting on his remaining sons, Sukhvinder and Santa.
<br>
<br>Sukhvinder calls on his father the next evening, \"Father, I am also in love and want to marry...!\".
<br>
<br>\"What is her name?\" implores the father.
<br>
<br>\"Catherine,\" says the son. \"She\'s Roman Catholic.\"
<br>
<br>\"Oye,\" says Banta. \"But are you happy?\"
<br>
<br>\"I\'m happy, father.\"
<br>
<br>\"Ok, then you, too, have my blessing,\" intones Banta.
<br>
<br>Dejected, Banta goes to the Gurudwara to pray.
<br>
<br>\"Please God, let my remaining son Santa marry a Sikh...PLEASE...PLEASE!\"
<br>
<br>Next day, Santa comes to his father excitedly and exclaims, \"Paaji! I am also in love!\"
<br>
<br>\"Your lover is Sikh?\" his father demands.
<br>
<br>\"Of course!\" says Santa.
<br>
<br>Banta is beside himself with joy!
<br>
<br>\"Praise God! Praise the Gurus!\" Turning to Santa, he asks, \"The name...the name...?\"
<br>
<br>\"Jarnail Singh, our neighbour\'s son,\" says Santa.

[Fiddler]

One of my all-time favourites, if a little juvenile:
<br>
<br>Santa: Oye Bante, chal jaake daru peete hain!
<br>Banta: Oye sahi idea hai yaar!
<br>(Santa aur Banta koi Bar ki talash mein nikalte hain. Afsos ki baat hai: who din \'dry day\' hota hai.)
<br>Banta: Oye Sante, kahin daru mil hi nahi rahi, yaar!
<br>Santa: Oye woh dekh! Rocket launch pad! Udhar dekhte hain!
<br>(Rocket launch pad mein ghus kar Santa aur Banta rocket fuel ke drums kholke andar dekhte hain)
<br>Santa: Oye dekh, Bante! Daru mil gayee!!
<br>Banta: Yahooo!!
<br>(Santa aur Banta khoob rocket fuel peeke talli hote hain)
<br>--Next Morning--
<br>(Santa ke bistar ke baju ka phone bajta hai)
<br>Santa: (Badi neend mein) Oye hello?
<br>Banta: Oye Sante!! Tu bathroom to nahin gaya abhi tak??
<br>Santa: Oye nahin gaya. Kyon?
<br>Banta: Oye main Tokyo se bol raha hoon, is liye!!!

[Habitual Perfectionist]

Check these out....also juvenile...but can generate some healthy laughter.
<br>
<br>1) Santa\'s death threat
<br>
<br>One fine day, Santa Singh got a letter stating that he would be killed if he doesn\'t comply with the sender\'s instructions, he would be killed. Scared, Santa ran to Banta.
<br>
<br>Santa : Oye Bante...ye dekh mujhe koi maarne ki dhamki de raha hai.
<br>Banta : Achcha....dikha to zara. (Santa shows him the letter). Ab isko pakdenge. Sante...zara pehchaan to ye writing kiski hai.
<br>Santa : Kaise pehchanoon yaar? Ye to Xerox hai!
<br>
<br>
<br>2) Santa\'s free gift.
<br>
<br>Santa Singh storms into a shop with a can of oil in his hands and anger writ large on his face.
<br>Santa (to shopkeeper) : Oye khote de puttar...mera free gift kiththe hai?
<br>Shopkeeper : Sardarji, iske saath koi free gift nahi hai.
<br>Santa : To ae ki likhya si khotya? Cholestrol Free.
<br>
<br>And here\'s the classic killer.
<br>
<br>Hindi Teacher (in school) : Kaal kitne prakar ke hote hain?
<br>Santa Jr : Paanch prakar ke.
<br>Teacher (In anger) : Paanch? Bataao Kaun Kaunse
<br>Santa Jr. : Local Kaal, STD Kaal, ISD Kaal, Trunk Kaal aur Sat-Sri-Akaal
<br>
<br>

[fried_green]

<br>Santa and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, \'I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren\'t mine.\'
<br>
<br>His second friend says, \'I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn\'t mine.\'
<br>
<br>Santa says, \'I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.\' Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. \'No I\'m serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.\'
<br>

[CtrlAltDel]

Banta Singh: \"Oye Santa...tujhe patha hai...everyday when u are at work one of your friends slips into yr house and stays till evening!\"
<br>
<br>An angry and worried Santa Singh takes a break and rushes home. he\'s back in 30 minutes.
<br>
<br>He confronts Banta and says angrily: \"Dont you dare sread rumours like that again. that guy was no friend. i dont even know him!\"
<br>*******************
<br>
<br>Banta: \"Oye Paappe, how many times a week do you have sex?\"
<br>
<br>Santa: \"Well, 5 or 6 times a week!\"
<br>
<br>Banta: \"Really...!? I get it only once or twice!\"
<br>
<br>Santa: \"Naturally yaar. After all she\'s my wife\"

[Habitual Perfectionist]

Santa is filling up an application form. When on the column for sex, he writes 7 days a week. The person next to him tells him : Sardarji...yahan ye nahi...yahan male ya female likhiye. Santa crosses out the earlier response and writes a new one:
<br>
<br>\"Kabhi Male Kabhi Female\"
<br>

[Mayavi Morpheus]

One day santa singh returns home with both eyes swelled. A worried santas wife asks him what happened.
<br>Santa:I was going up an escalator and saw a woman infront of me whose skirt was struck up her ass crack,I tried to remove it and she punched me in one eye.
<br>Jassi: Then what happened to the other eye.
<br>Santa: I thought she preferred it that way and tried to stick the skirt up her ass again.

[archana]

Haha ) Really funny jokes...
<br>
<br>BTW Who are Santa and Banta? Got any pictures of them (I\'m assuming they are cartoon characters..

[Anand]

Not sure if they are cartoon characters, but here are a couple:
<br>
<br>Banta Singh and few of his friends end up stranded on a tropical island. The only female around is a gorilla on the other end of the island.
<br>After one whole month the guys are all sitting around and Banta stands up and says, \"I\'m so horny, I can\'t take it anymore!\"
<br>So he grabs a bag and storms off to the other side of the island with his pals right behind him. They catch the gorilla, each guy grabs an arm or leg and Banta puts the bag over the gorilla\'s head. He climbs on top of the gorilla and begins to do the nasty.
<br>The gorilla fights and struggles and finally gets an arm free and she wraps it around Banta\'s back. Then she gets both feet free and wraps them around Banta\'s waist. She gets her other arm free and grabs on to his hips and starts pulling him in harder and harder.
<br>Banta yells to his buddies....\"Get it off!! Get it off!!
<br>They said, \"You\'re on top, we can\'t get her off of you.\"
<br>Banta said...\"No, I mean the bag.....I want to kiss her!\"
<br>
<br>*************
<br>
<br>Banta Singh had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn\'t find any hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there for the night.The Owner replied \"I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry,I can\'t allow you to stay.\" He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night. The Owner replied,\"I have 3 grown up daughters. Sorry,I can\'t allow you to stay.\" He went to the next house and asked:\" Do you have \"grown up\" Daughters?\".
<br>The Owner asked,\"WHY?????????\"
<br>Santa replied,\"I wanted to stay here for a night.....\"
<br>

[CtrlAltDel]

archana! santa singh and banta singh are two fictional characters who feature in most sardarji (sikh) jokes. sometimes they feature their friend joginder singh. tho somewhat politically incorrect, nobody minds santa-banta jokes including sikhs!
<br>
<br>here\'s my dose for the day:
<br>*************************
<br>
<br>A waiter walks up to one of the tables in a restaurant and notices that Banta Singh seated there is furiously masturbating.
<br>
<br>He yells, \"What the hell do you think you are doing?\"
<br>
<br>Banta explains, \"Can\'t you see? I am very hungry.\"
<br>
<br>The waiter begs the question, \"So, how is whacking-off in
<br>the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation?\"
<br>
<br>Banta men replies, \"The menu says, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!\"

[Fiddlerq]

Another one, though better if said out loud...
<br>
<br>Santa enrolls in the All-American School of Logic and, after a couple of years, comes back to Ludhiana. As soon as he arrives, his friend Banta runs up to him and asks him what he learned. Santa decides to illustrate with an example. He says \"Oye Bante, you have an aquarium, right? And you like the fish in your aquarium? And your fish like the water in the aquarium? It follows that you like water. In the same way, women, too, like water. So, since you like water, and women like water, it follows that you like women. Therefore,\" Santa beams, \"you are not a homosexual.\" Banta is completely amazed by his friend\'s astute logic!
<br>
<br>He decides to try it on his friend Kishan. He goes upto Kishan and says \"Kishan, I\'m going to amaze you with my logic!\" Kishan says \"Fine, go ahead\", so Banta starts \"Kishan, you have an aquarium, right?\" Kishan says \"Where did you get that idea? I don\'t have an aquarium!\" Banta smiles triumphantly and says \"You\'re a homo!!\"

[HotShorts]

here r some more:
<br>------------
<br>
<br>It\'s the first day of school and the teacher thought she\'d get to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.
<br>The first little girl says: \"My name is Tina and my daddy Mr. Joginder is an Engineer.\"
<br>The next little boy says: \"I\'m Mohan and my Dad Mr.Sukhvinder is a Doctor.\"
<br>Then little Banta Singh says: \"My name is Banta Singh and my father Mr. Santa Singh works in USA as a dancer in a cabaret for gay men.\"
<br>The teachers gasps and quickly changes the subject, but later in the lunch break the teacher approaches Banta privately and asks if it was really true that his Dad dances in a gay bar.
<br>Banta blushed and said, \"Ji nahin, I\'m sorry but my dad is a politician in Laloo\'s party, and I was just too embarrassed to say so.\"
<br>*************************************
<br>
<br>Santa Singh: My boss reads all his newspapers on-line.
<br>Banta Singh: That sounds convenient.
<br>Santa: Yeah, I tried it too, but found it hard for me to hold the computer while I\'m in the toilet.
<br>*********************
<br>
<br>Banta Singh and Santa Singh were talking one afternoon when Banta tells Santa,
<br>\"You know, I think I\'m ready for a vacation. Only this year I’ll do it a little different.
<br>The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.
<br>Three years ago you said to go to Kullu-Manali. I went to Kullu-Manali and my wife got pregnant.
<br>Then two years ago, you told me to go to Goa, and my wife got pregnant again.
<br>Last year you suggested Darjeeling and she got pregnant again.\"
<br>Santa asks Banta, \"So, what are you going do this year that\'s different?\"
<br>Banta says, \"This year I\'m taking my wife with me.\"
<br>

[RatTrap]

...\'nother one:
<br>
<br>Banta Singh went to his doctor after a long illness.
<br>The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Banta in the eye and said, \"I\'ve got some bad news for you ...you have the cancer and it can\'t be cured. I\'d
<br>give you two weeks to a month.\"
<br>Banta, shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor\'s office into the waiting room.
<br>There he saw his son Santa who had been waiting. Banta said \"Son, we Sardarjis celebrate when things are good and celebrate when things don\'t go so well. In this case, things aren\'t so well. I have cancer and I\'ve been given a short time to live. I am going to the nearest thela and have a few drinks.\"
<br>A stunned Santa accompanied him to the bar. After three or four pegs Banta was feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more drinks. They were eventually approached by some of Banta\'s old friends who asked what the two were celebrating.
<br>Banta told them that the Sardarjis celebrate the good and the bad...He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end.
<br>He told his friends \"I\'ve only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS.\"
<br>The friends gave Banta their condolences and they had a couple more drinks.
<br>After his friends left, Banta\'s son Santa leaned over and whispered his confusion ...
<br>\"Paaji, I thought you said that you were dying from Cancer...? You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS?\"
<br>Banta said, \" Puttar, I am dying from cancer son, I just don\'t want any of them flirting with your mother after I\'m gone.\"
<br>-------------
<br>a juvenile one:
<br>
<br>Santa Singh, Banta Singh and Joginder Singh are walking around the park when they came across something in the middle of their path.
<br>\"It looks like SHlT!\" said Santa \"I better check it out\"
<br>He lean forward and took a deep breath \"Smells like SHlT!\" he said.
<br>Banta walks closer and sticks his finger inside it and feels it.
<br>\"Feels like SHlT\" he said .
<br>Now Joginder pokes his finger in it and puts it inside his mouth and says \"Hey…it IS shit …good thing we didn\'t step on it!\"
<br>

[HotShorts]

Three men: a philosopher, a mathematician and Banta Singh, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.
<br>
<br>\"Gentlemen,\" the Devil started, \"Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, therefore St Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don\'t know or cannot answer, then you\'re worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you\'ll come with me to Hell.\"
<br>
<br>The philosopher then stepped up, \"OK, give me the most Comprehensive report on Socrates\' teachings.\"
<br>
<br>With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. \"Then, go to Hell!\". With another snap of his finger, the philosopher disappeared.
<br>
<br>The mathematician then asked, \"Give me the most complicated formula you can ever think of!\"
<br>
<br>With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct.
<br>
<br>\"Then, go to Hell!\" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared, too.
<br>
<br>Banta Singh then stepped forward and said, \"Bring me a chair!\"
<br>
<br>The Devil brought forward a chair.
<br>
<br>\"Drill 7 holes on the seat.\"
<br>
<br>The Devil did just that. Banta then sat on the chair and let rip a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, \"Which hole did my fart come out from?\"
<br>
<br>The Devil inspected the seat and said, \"The third hole from the right.\"
<br>
<br>\"Wrong,\" said Banta, \"it\'s from my _!\"
<br>
<br>And Banta went to Heaven.

[anu]

Only beer
<br>
<br>
<br>What do you call Santa Singh when he drinks only beer?
<br>Just-beer Singh (\'T\' silent!).
<br>
<br>
<br>