The other side of dowry

by **Poor guy** » Fri Nov 14, 2003 4:47 am

I don’t mean to offend any one, just listen with an open mind.
 
First and foremost, I do not support dowry.
 

 
1) Well, if two strangers are getting married in an arranged marriage, what you look for?
 
i) For boys, what kind of job he is doing, how much he is making, what his family background is, his education, and his assets, too.
 
ii) For girls how she looks, her family background, her education and how much she can bring in.
 

 
2) Hey guys, some girls will not even look at you if you make Rs. 2000/month. So in another way, girls want to make sure they marry a nice guy who makes plenty of money. This money... what should we call it? It\'s not dowry, it\'s not security, it\'s not blah, blah… Then what is it? Its buu buu….
 

 
3) What about girls that say I don’t want to give dowry? I just passed with a degree, I cannot get a job. Sure, I will be a good wife and a good mom. I want to marry guys with an MS in the US... or make some 20,000 Rs/month in India.
 

 
4) I mean when two strangers are meeting, money can be considered aa a criterion provided it does not hurt others. Be courteous. Say your damn rate and don’t bargain.
 

 
5) Finally, marriage is not a business deal. Once you get married, live happily - don’t think of if & had.

by **Mayavi Morpheus** » Fri Nov 14, 2003 5:36 am

Dowry zindabad! My mum told me that I am selling for 50 lakhs, but I am waiting for a higher price - at least one crore - for my Nikaah to be Pakkaah. After all, I am a MAN, and a woman has to depend on me!
 

 
P S: What\'s ur rate in the market?

by **neeraja** » Fri Nov 14, 2003 10:40 am

Hi Poor Guy,,
 
 Yaa I agree to your point, marriage is a union of two families and not a business deal... My hubby did not take a single paisa from us. infact he shared the expenses of the wedding 50 pct. no confsion no mess no fuss.. I wish each one practice this or atleast not demand or atleast not burn the bride to death for want of more money.. It happening every single day.... One guy with his parents has poured acid on to his wifes eyes making her blind, cause for dowry sake.. that tooo after 12 years of married life..... guys and gals pls wake up....

by ZC » Fri Nov 14, 2003 10:45 am

Will a girl holding a green card marry me please? i dont want dowry.

by **Andhraite** » Fri Nov 14, 2003 12:53 pm

Neeraja, i have a doubt ...
 
 I feel dowry is good, when both groom\'s side or/and bride\'s side give money to the new couple to buy furniture, vehicle and other electronic stuff and all for their new house. But, this is good only when this is done without anyone\'s pressure or on demand ... I said i see no wrong in the above situation b\'coz, its obvious that our parents want us to lead a happy & comfortable life, so its hard to buy all the things at one go for the couple\'s new house, so they r lending a helping hand. what do u say ???

by **IdontDiscriminate** » Fri Nov 14, 2003 12:58 pm

Dowry is bad but i fully support ZC\'s views.There\'s always a hue and cry over guys demanding dowry.its bad to take dowry alright and its highly inhuman to illtreat wives for dowry.but then, if u browse throuh the tons of matrimonials and look at what kinda of a groom a girl and her parents want, its quite ironic.they either want a guy with a greencard in the USA or one doing a handsome job.like ZC said no one wants an ordinary guy.whats wrong when guys expect dowry then?and do you know how many wives abuse and illtreat their husbands because they cant earn more or dont have a decent job?
 P.S: I ain\'t asking for dowry too, but if i am offered i would pounce on it.who doesnt like money!??

by **NoDowry** » Sat Dec 13, 2003 3:23 am

Hi All I want to add more to the dowry situation. I think taking dowry is not a good system at all. Try to think from girls parents point of view why should they give more money at marriage when they have spend so much money to bring them up there girls for the 20 + years. They have there life left to enjoy. In our indian society if someone has two girls they will start saving for there dowry from the time those girls are born and dont spend much money for there enjoyment why should they do that ? i agree they are parents but that doesnt mean they have to sacrifice everything for there children.
 
 And when you have to decide about ur life partner i hope the first thing you will be looking at how good she looks and does i match with the girl ( I mean if u are not that handsome u cant get married to Aishwarya Rai that marriage willnot sustain due to practical problems in the future ) is good like her Education and family background and stuff.Once you are satisfied with that, why do you want more money. Marriage is a point of your life where you are starting a new life so start from what you got dont beg your wifes parents for what you want to be .

by **whoever** » Sat Dec 13, 2003 6:15 am

if your dad in law is rich -- take what he gives and dont complain. If he isnt and he cant give you any dowry....still, dont complain.
 Ideal stuff.

by **CtrlAltDel** » Sat Dec 13, 2003 12:34 pm

hey! many have asked whats wrong if the girl\'s family wants to give dowry...but i ask what wud the boy and his family do if the girl\'s father doesn\'t give any? will the couple\'s married life be normal...if they get married? even if the boy is ok with it, i am sure his parents wud make life hell for the girl.
 
 gift is a gift only if it given willingly. anything demanded/asked/requested/whatever by the boy\'s family is shameless. if the boy cant support the girl with his income then he has no business getting married in the first place.
 i see dowry as a form of begging: a barter of one\'s self respect for some cash...except here beggers are usually the choosers!
 
 i am proud to say the my family has no dowry traditions. i wont stoop to the level of taking my dad-in-law\'s money so that my wife and i can live happily. both of us, and my family have to adjust on what i earn. period.

by **neeraja** » Sat Dec 13, 2003 1:47 pm

Hats off to you ctrlaltdel, a broad minded wife you have.. and a good nature of not accepting dowry and understand my theory \" marriage is union of two families and not a business del\" the same words told by my husband and he also shared 50 pct of the marriage expenses.. and did not accept a signle rupee or a gram of gold as dowry./... we live very happily.... .. i wish all youngesters are like ctrlaltdel...
 
 But very painful to read wife being burnt for more dowry,, they don\'t realise one day they would also be engulfed in Fire.. and they are not going to carry their dowry or money with them.............

by **Saradhi** » Sat Jan 03, 2004 3:08 pm

neeraja wrote:Hi Poor Guy,,
 
 Yaa I agree to your point, marriage is a union of two families and not a business deal... My hubby did not take a single paisa from us. infact he shared the expenses of the wedding 50 pct. no confsion no mess no fuss.. I wish each one practice this or atleast not demand or atleast not burn the bride to death for want of more money.. It happening every single day.... One guy with his parents has poured acid on to his wifes eyes making her blind, cause for dowry sake.. that tooo after 12 years of married life..... guys and gals pls wake up....

Hi Neeraja,

I am following most of your views in these boards.

Want to have my points in this matter.

If a guy dont want a dowry, the first thing girl's people will say is

"Did he have any problem wiht his health?"

"Is he alright?".

They mumers there should be something wrong with him, thats why they dont want dowry.

So the change have to come from both sides.

If I am giving dowry to my sisters, why cant I take dowry from others??

Its a cyclic reaction & its very very difficult to change.

The other side of dowry