One-liners - please add if you have more!!!

[funny..!]

A fat girl waiting on a bus stand... What will you call her in one word?
<br>
Motivating...!
<br>
What\'s a native of Paris called?
<br>
A parasite.
<br>
Why did Michael Jackson rush to Wal-Mart?
<br>
Because he heard kids\' pants were half-off!
<br>
What\'s a bee\'s favourite sport? <br>
Rugbee...!!
<br>
Why\'d the boy blush when he opened the fridge?
<br>
He saw the salad dressing!

[Kulcha Hyderabadi]

A mobile phone is the only thing about which a man can proudly say, \"Mine is smaller than yours!\"

[Anil]

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
<br>
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
<br>
There are two kinds of pedestrians - the quick and the dead.
<br>
Life is sexually transmitted.
<br>
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
<br>
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
<br>
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the \'Y\' becomes silent.
<br>
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
<br>
Work fascinates me. I could sit and watch it for hours.
<br>
I\'m not a pessimist. I\'m just optimistically challenged.
<br>
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
<br>
If you\'re feeling good, don\'t worry. You\'ll get over it.
<br>
I need not suffer in silence when I can still moan, whimper, and complain.
<br>
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
<br>
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
<br>
Every time I think about exercise, I lie down till the thought goes away.
<br>
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
<br>
I don\'t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
<br>
I\'m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
<br>
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves me altogether.
<br>
The only person who listens to both sides of an argument is the next door neighbour.
<br>
I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there\'s a decimal point involved.
<br>
Denial is not a river in Egypt.
<br>
Age is just a number, and mine is unlisted.

[Kulcha Hyderabadi]

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
<br>
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. -Jackie Mason
<br>
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want. Then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
<br>
A lady inserted an \'ad\' in the classifieds: \"Husband wanted\". Next day she recieved a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: \"You can have mine.\"
<br>
A little boy asked his father, \"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?\" And the father replied. \"I don\'t know son, I am still paying.\"
<br>
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, \"Aren\'t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?\" The other replied, \"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.\"
<br>
Then there was a man who said, \"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And then it was too late.\"

[junk]

Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
<br>
Ever noticed how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
<br>
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
<br>
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don\'t have film.
<br>
Experience is something you don\'t get until just after you need it.
<br>
Experience is what you get when you don\'t get what you want.

[Baqtiar]

Hi folks... Just some changes by me -
<br>
Mohabbatien:
<br>
\"Ek ladki thi dewani si, Ek ladke pe woh marti thi, nazren jhuka ke, sharma ke, galion se guzrti thi, chori chori chupke chupke chitthiyan likha karti thi, kuch kehna tha shayad us ko, jane kis se darti thi, jab bhi milti thi mujh se, mujh se poocha karti thi, yeh pyar kaise hota hai, yeh pyar kaise hota hai, aur main sirf yahi keh pata tha\".
<br>
Musebatien:
<br>
\"Ek ladka tha pagal sa, ek moti pe woh marta tha, nazrien chupa ke, dar dar ke, date pe jaya karta tha, kuch kehna tha sayad us ko, magar us moti se darta tha, jab bhi milta tha bechara mujh se, mujh se poocha karta tha, \" main chutkara kaise paoooon, main chutkara kaise paooon\", aur main sirf yahi keh pata tha (abe to aise lafron main padta hi kyun hai)\"

[Cnu]

There is no complete man in Pakistan due to absence of \"Raymonds Showroom\".
<br>
Never marry a girl who is working in Airtel b\'cos \"Touch Tomorrow\".

[Cnu]

There is no complete man in Pakistan due to the abscence of a \"Raymonds Showroom\"

[Mayavi Morpheus]

Jo ek baar galti kare, woh Anjaan
<br>
Jo do baar galti kare, woh nadaan
<br>
Jo baar baar galti kare, woh pakistan
<br>
Jo har galti maaf kare, woh hindustan!
<br>
<br>
Life sucks, wife doesn't.

[Khatta]

(Gutli\'s) Jo har baar parayshan... Woh hai KHABRASTAN!

[vivek]

You can go anywhere you want, if you go fast enough.

[Kulcha Hyderabadi]

Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life! - Anonymous

[Baqtiar]

Getting married is not the only thing. There are many other ways to break your head. - Baqtiar.

[Kulcha Hyderabadi]

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. - Oscar Wilde

[funny..!]

A fine is a tax for doing WRONG
<br>A tax is a fine for doing WELL

[FunK Engine]

If you throw Mud on other\'s you’ll loose the Ground.

[Funk Engine]

If you are an idiot, better keep your mouth shut because once you open it you clear all doubts.

[Baqtiar]

\"We cannot beg someone to stay if they want to leave and be with someone else. We have to admit that love doesn\'t give us the license to own a person. This is what love means...sacrifice.\"

[funny!]

Any man who has laughed at a woman\'s new dress has never paid for one before!
<br>
<br>
If you laugh, the world laughs WITH you!
<br>
When you cry the world laughs LOUDER!

[~akidna~]

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot