Comedy Club

by **mrk** » Sat Aug 02, 2003 3:56 pm

I wish all the participants and the viewers of our comedy club a happy friendship day. You all are my friends and also thanking you all for making our comedy club to reach Half century. I wish all of you will make another half century in our comedy club and I dream that our comedy club will reach within shorttime to century.

by **Shayar Faryadi** » Mon Aug 04, 2003 7:20 am

<DIV>A guy\'s dream: 5.8 jiski height ho, Jeans tight tight ho, Chehra jiska bright ho, Umar 22 se 27 ho, Aise apni Wife ho. Sadak per sab kahen kya cute ho, Bhir me sab kahen side ho, side ho, Bhopal, Hyderabad ya Lucknow ki paidaish ho, Sas ki khidmat jiski khwahish ho Aisi apni Wife ho. Padosi jab baat karay to haath me knife ho, Dinner ke waqt candle light ho, Ham me tum me kabhi na koi fight ho, Milnay ke baad dil delight ho, Aise apni Wife ho. The girl\'s response:</DIV>
 <DIV>6\'-6\'2\" jiski height ho jeans dheeli magar body tight ho bewi ka her nakhra uthaye, itna mizaaj uska light ho husband apna aisa bright ho uff tak na kare itna quiet ho dinner banaye wo jab bhi romantic night ho shopping ker ke jab bhi aoon, bolay begum tum kitni nice ho husband apna aisa bright ho mujhay rani bana ker rakhay, to phir zindagi delight ho saas sussar ke samne jo kahay, meri jaan tum hameinsha right ho hameisha jo haar maan jaye, jab bhi kabhi hamari fight ho husband apna aisa bright ho jaha chahoon jaoon, jo chahy karoon, kuch is tarah ki life ho her doosray week ghoomne phirne ki flight ho aisa ho jaye to mein urron neelay aasman mein, jaisay ke urti kite ho husband apna aisa bright ho </DIV>

by **mrk** » Tue Aug 05, 2003 11:21 am

Kayeen daku sale aye aur hamre ajadi aur dhan daulat sabkuch lutke unke deshko leke gaye. Magar hum hindustani unjaise daku nahin. Oh musalman ho yahindu yachristian humara yeki naara hai oh yeh hai ki humare desh lutkejane wale desh ki saliyonko chod chod ke unse ye kehalwayenge ki darling I love India. -hahahaaaaa.

by **Z C** » Tue Aug 05, 2003 4:36 pm

A foreigner goes to an Irish pub and says ....i heard that Irish people drink a lot......I have an offer here....whoever can drink 10 mugs of beer will be given 1000 bucks ........and no one comes forward......one old man gets up and goes out of the shop and comes back after sometime and drinks the 10 mugs of beer, and says, i just went out to the other bar to check if i really can drink 10 mugs ;-)

by **Z C** » Tue Aug 05, 2003 4:40 pm

It is the competition for best inventions around the world.....Sardar invents a mouse catching machine and presents, it is a rod with Khaju on one end and Kismis on teh other. He says teh mouse will come and while it decides which one to eat, he will catch it with hands very easily.......next yr the competition comes again and sardar presents again, this time only the rod, he says \"teh mouse will be thinking...Khaju kaha hai, Kismis kaha hai...........and i will catch it\"

by **BeerYanni** » Thu Aug 07, 2003 12:41 am

Adult Joke guys,
 

 
A sardar is a cab driver in New York... one day makes a huge amount and decides to splurge the money... sees around and enters a seedy bar...
 

 
orders for a beer and sits sipping the beer and looking around...
 

 
after a couple of minutes a HUGE black guy comes into the bar with an AMAZING babe in one hand and a baseball bat in the other hand... the black guy orders for a beer and sits next to the sardar... 

 
After a couple of minutes the black guy just takes the baseball bat and hits his babe real HARD... the babe without speaking a word just rips open the black guys pants and starts giving him an amazing **** job...
 

 
All this time the sardar is just looking on amazed... the black guy takes a look at the sardar and says \"surdie u want to have fun too\"... 

 
The sardar replies \"I would love to but please dont hit me so hard\"................

by **pavani** » Thu Aug 07, 2003 11:48 am

One day while walking down the street a man finds a lamp. As he remembers, rubbing the lamp will make genie come out and grant him 3 wishes. So he does that immediately, and genie comes out. The genie said I am your slave, master, and you have 3 wishes. The first thing he wishes was to be a billionaire, POOH, he\'s rich. The next thing he wishes was a beautiful wife and POOF, a beautiful lady standing next to him, and before he even said his 3rd wish, he saw a horse standing in the corner with his d*** almost touching the ground. So he decided his 3rd wish would be exacly the same as that horse, his **ck almost touching the ground. The genie said as you wish master and POOF, he cut off his legs.

by **pavani** » Thu Aug 07, 2003 11:49 am

Pervert Psychiatrist 
This guy goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor shows him an inkblot and asks him what it looks like.
"A naked woman." He shows him another inkblot and asks him the same question. 

"A naked woman on a bed." 

"You're a sick pervert!" the psychiatrist exclaims. 

"I'm not the pervert. You keep showing me all these filthy pictures!"

by **pavani** » Thu Aug 07, 2003 11:50 am

A fine woman climbs aboard a trolley and asks a man if she could sit in his place because she says she is pregnant. The man gets up and lets her sit down and asks her why she doesnt look pregnant and she says, \"It\'s only been thirty minutes.\"

by **pavani** » Thu Aug 07, 2003 11:51 am

Mozart Beyond the Grave 
When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried. 
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the town magistrate to come and listen to it. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards." 

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." 

So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..." 

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."

by **pavani** » Thu Aug 07, 2003 11:52 am

There is this boy called Jonny and one day he hears his parents having XXX, so he goes into the room and says \"Daddy Daddy what are u doing to mommy?\" and the dad says \"Well Jonny I\'m giving u a new brother\". Jonny gets excited about this and leaves. The next day Jonny\'s dad come home and find his son Jonny crying. He then asks \"Jonny why are u crying?\". Jonny replies \"Well daddy while u were at work today the mailman came over and ate my new baby brother\":)

by K » Fri Aug 08, 2003 3:38 pm

A first standard teacher was having trouble with one of her students.
 The teacher asked, \"Little Johny what is your problem?\"
 
 Little Johny answered, \"I\'m too smart for the first standard. My sister is in the third standard and I\'m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third standard too!\"
 
 The teacher had had enough. She took Little Johny to the principal\'s office.
 
 While Little Johny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first standard and behave. The teacher agreed.
 Little Johny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agrees to take the test.
 
 Principal: \"What is 3 x 3?\" Little Johny: \"9\".
 Principal: \"What is 6 x 6?\" Little Johny: \"36\".
 And so it went with every question the principal thought a third standard should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, \"I think Little Johny can go to the third standard.\"
 
 The teacher says to the principal, \"Hold on, let ME ask him some questions?\"
 The principal and Little Johny both agree.
 
 The teacher asks, \"What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?\"
 Little Johny, \"Legs.\"
 Teacher: \"What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?\"
 The principal starts sweating.
 Little Johny \"Pockets.\"
 
 Now no reactions or special face symbols dot Little Johny\'s face. He remains absolutely cool!
 
 Teacher: What starts with a C & ends with a T, is hairy, oval,delicious and contains thin whitish
 liquid ?
 Little Johny: Coconut
 
 The principal\'s eyes open really wide, Little Johny was taking charge.
 
 Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky ?
 Little Johny: Bubblegum
 Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog on three legs?
 Little Johny: Shake hands
 
 Teacher: Now I will ask some \"Who am I\" sort of questions, answer me.
 Little Johny (unfazed): Shoot.
 Teacher: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
 Little Johny: tent
 Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you\'re bored. The best man always has me first.
 Principal gets restless and a bit tensed.
 Little Johny: wedding ring
 Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I\'m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
 Little Johny: nose
 Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates.I come with a quiver.
 Little Johny: arrow
 The principal breathing a sigh of relief shouted at the teacher, \"Put Little Johny in the 5th standard, I missed the last ten questions myself.\"

by K » Fri Aug 08, 2003 3:39 pm

That\'s politics
 
 A little boy goes to his dad and asks, \"What is politics?\"
 
 Dad says, \"Suppose I\'m the breadwinner of the family, call me capitalism. Your Mom, she\'s the administrator of the money, so we\'ll call her the Government. We\'re here to take care of your needs, so we\'ll call you the people. The nanny, we\'ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we\'ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,\"
 
 So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents\' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny\'s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
 
 He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, \"Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now.\" The father says, \"Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.\" The little boy replies, \"Well, while Capitalism is screwing Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.\"

by **mrk** » Sat Aug 09, 2003 2:04 pm

Ek Premika uski premi se kehrahi hai, \"Mujhe chodon naa.\" Premi: Oh utnaa na...

by **Vishal** » Sat Aug 09, 2003 3:09 pm

Once a blonde goes to a dentist and starts feeling horny... She asks the dentist:
 
 
Blonde: Doc, whenever I visit a dentist I feel like having sex with him.
 
Dentist: Sweetheart, decide fast! I\'ll arrange the seat accordingly

Njoy!!!

by **mrk** » Sat Aug 09, 2003 5:30 pm

Shocking moments:
 
1. In first night when the husband says that he cannot make love. I had lost my virginity.
 
2. When the lover says I cannot marry you - I have more lovers.
 
3.When a person makes love to his friend\'s wife.
 
4. When mother and father indulge in sex with others.
 
5. When one hizra marries the other hizra.
 
6. When one female marries another female.
 
7. When a girl asks that she be made love to.

by **Smocking Rock** » Sat Aug 09, 2003 7:00 pm

Plz read with patience... At Sydney University, there were four students taking Organic Chemistry. They did so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an \"A\" so far for the semester. These four friends were so confident about the finals approaching that the weekend before the exams, they decided to go down to Canberra and party with some friends there. They had a great time. However, after all the hard partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn\'t make it back to Sydney until early Monday morning - the morning of their final exam! Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor AFTER the exam and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to Canberra to do some research in the ANU archives for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but, unfortunately they had a flat tyre on the way back, didn\'t have a spare, and couldn\'t get help for a long time. As a result, they'\d only just arrived! The professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up their final exam the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied hard that night - all night - and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin. The first problem was worth five points. It was something simple about free radical formation. \"Cool,\" they all thought in their separate rooms, \"This is going to be easy.\" Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written: Question 2 (for 95 points): Which tyre?

by **LoL** » Sat Aug 09, 2003 7:02 pm

Vishal... you are too much mannnnn... hehehehehhee, great!

by **Smocking Rock** » Sat Aug 09, 2003 7:04 pm

There once was a blonde and she saw a TV in the shop window. She walks in and asks \"How much is the TV in the window?\". The clerk replies \"I\'m sorry, we don\'t sell to blondes\". The next day the blonde, cleverly disguised as a red head, walks into the store and asks \"How much is the TV in the window?\". The clerk says \"I\'m sorry, we don\'t sell to blondes\". The blonde asks in surprise \"How did you know I\'m a blonde?\". The clerk says \"That\'s not a TV, that\'s a microwave!\".

by **Smocking Rock** » Sat Aug 09, 2003 7:10 pm

This is for those who are always into the \"idiot box\" What would one say while removing a bra?
 
Desh main nikala hoga chand.
 
 
While removing a panty?
 
Khulja sim sim.
 

 
While having sex?
 
Kya masti kya dhoom.
 
 
After sex?
 
Kamjor kari kaun.

by **mrk** » Sun Aug 10, 2003 3:46 pm

Comedy:- (Below persons Discussing with their Lovers) 1. Driver: Hello dear, can I press your horn? Can I press your gear? Your Seat is so comfortable. Your body is in good condition. Your radiator is too hot. You have nice mirrored eyes. Please, in our life-time journey let both of us enjoy alone. No more passengers or conductors. 2.Doctor: Hello dear, how is my injection? Is it painful to you? I want to know your temperature may I put my thermometer. 3. Police: Hello dear I want to make an encounter with you, Are you interested. Are you feeling pain with my lathi stroke. Your cell is nice. 4. Lawyer: I object, my dear. Note this point, my dear. 5. Ticket Collector: Dear, show me your ticket. Otherwise pay me the fine. 6. Engineer: Come on, I will sketch up your shapes. I want to know your lengths. 7. Collector: Your shape covers the district. You have a mandal structure. 8. Minister: Dear, your vote is precious for me to exist. Your body is a complete department. 9. CM: Dear, you are my party. Each and every part of your body is my ministry. 10. PM: Dear you are my national builder. Your structure is my post and your part of body are my states.

by **mrk** » Mon Aug 11, 2003 2:30 pm

Guys who are in one-sided love, waiting for friendship with some girls, it\'s better for you to hide from them tomorrow. Otherwise if they don\'t like you they will simply tie a rakhi for you and they\'ll say "you are my brother from today onwards". Then, whatever duet dreams you have will be shattered. (Tukde Tukde hojayenge aur tum aur ek Devdas banoge). I wish all the participants in our message board comedy club happy rakhi festival.

by **mrk** » Tue Aug 12, 2003 4:35 pm

Prayers: 1. In childhood: Oh God, please I don\'t want to go to school. Please give me ideas how to escape from going to school. 2. In Teenage: Oh God, give me many girlfriends and lovers. Please god fullfill my dreams. 3. After the completion of degree: Oh God, please give me a beautiful wife, lovers and friends and a good job. Please do it for my sake. 4. After marriage: Oh God, give me so many sexual partners. Huge amount of money. Make me popular in this world. 5. After becoming a dad: Oh god, please give me more madams and moms for my children. 6. In 50\'s: Oh God, give so much of wealth that I can satisfy my family and perform my childrens' marriages in a grand manner. 7.In 70\'s: Oh God, Give another beautiful life in that next life give a chance be born in america and make me a richest person and give me a great sexual life. Whatever I had pains in this life may they may not be happen in my next life. Likewise if we see the prayers of man or woman, sabhi prayers khudgarzi ke rehthe hai. Bhaghwan ke upar pyar ke bahot kam rehthe hai.

by **Raj Vamsi** » Tue Aug 12, 2003 10:04 pm

Hi friends... Hope you\'ll enjoy this RAM-ayan. LAN, LAN ago, in the SYSTEM of I/O-dhya, there ruled a PROCESSOR named DOS-rat. Once he EXECUTED a great sacrifice PROGRAM after which his queens gave an OUTPUT of four SUNs: RAM, LSIman, BUG-rat and SED-rughana. RAM the eldest was a MICROCHIP with excellent MEMORY. His brothers, however, were only PERIPHERAL ICs. Once when RAM was only 16MB, he married princess \'C\'ta. 12 years passed and DOS-rat decided to INSTALL RAM as his successor. However, Queen CIE/ CAE (Kayegayee), who was once offered a boon by DOS-rat for a lifesaving HELP COMMAND, took this opportunity at the instigation of her BIOSed maid (a real plotter), and insisted that her son Bug-rat be INSTALLED and that RAM be CUT-N-PASTED to the forest for 14 years. At this cruel and unexpected demand, a SURGE passed through DOS-rat and he collapsed, power-less. RAM agreed to LOG INTO forest and \'C\'ta insisted to LOGIN with him. LSI-man also resolved on LOGGING IN with his brother. The forest was the dwelling of SPARCnakha, the TRAN-SISTOR of RAW-van, PROCESSOR of LAN-ka. Attracted by RAM\'s stature, she proposed that he marry her. RAM, politely declined. Perceiving \'C\'ta to be the SOURCE CODE of her distress, she hastened to kill her. Weeping, SPARC-nakha fled to LAN-ka, where RAW-van, moved by TRAN-SISTOR\'s plight, approached his uncle MAR-icha. MAR-icha REPROGRAMED himself into the form of a golden stag and drew RAM deep into the forest. Finally, tired of chase, RAM shot the deer, who, with his last breath, cried out desperately for LSI-man in RAM\'s voice. Fooled by this VIRTUAL RAM SOUND, \'C\'ta urged LSI-man to his brother\'s aid. Catching the opportunity, RAW-van DELINKED \'C\'ta from her LIBRARY and changed her ROOT DIRECTORY to LAN-ka. RAM and LSI-man started SEARCHING for the missing \'C\'ta all over the forest. They made friendship with the forest SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR SU-greev and his powerful co-processor Ha-NEUMAN. SU-greev agreed to help RAM. SU-greev ordered his PROGRAMMERS to use powerful \'SEARCH\' techniques to FIND the missing \'C\'ta. His PROGRAMMERS SEARCHED all around the INTER- NETworked forests. Many tried to\'EXCITE\' the birds and animals not to forget the \'WEBCRAWLERS\' (Insects) and tried to \'INFO SEEK\' something about \'C\'ta. Some of them even shouted \'YAA-HOO\' but they all ended up with \'NOT FOUND MESSAGES\'. Several other SEARCH techniques proved useless. Ha-NEUMAN devised a RISKy TECHNOLOGY and used it to cross the seas at an astonishing CLOCK SPEED. Soon Ha-NEUMAN DOWNLOADED himself into LAN-ka. After doing some local SEARCH, Ha- NEUMAN found \'C\'ta weeping under a TREE STRUCTURE. Ha-NEUMAN used a LOGIN ID (ring) to identify himself to \'C\'ta. After DECRYPTING THE KEY, \'C\'ta believed in him and asked him to send a \'STATUS_OK\' MESSAGE to RAM. Meanwhile all the raakshasa BUGS around \'C\'ta captured Ha- NEUMAN and tried to DELETE him using pyro-techniques. But Ha-NEUMAN managed to spread chaos by spreading the VIRUS \'Fire\'. Ha-NEUMAN happily pressed ESCAPE from LAN-ka and conveyed all the STATUS MESSAGES to RAM and SU-greev. RAW-wan decided to take the all powerful RAM head- on and prepared for the battle. One of the RAW-wan\'s SUN (son) almost DELETED RAM & LSI-man with a powerful brahma-astra. But Ha-NEUMAN resorted to some ACTIVE-X gradients and REFORMATTED RAM and LSI-man. RAM used the SOURCE CODE secrets of RAW-wan and once for all wiped out RAW-wan\'s presence on earth. After the battle, RAM got INSTALLED in I/O-dhya and spreaded his MICROSOFT WORKS and other USER FRIENDLY PROGRAMS to all USERS and every one lived happily everafter Raj, IIIT

by **Mayavi Morpheus** » Thu Aug 14, 2003 6:41 am

What is the difference between a new dog and a new husband?
 

 
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

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