"Santa Banta Jokes"

[Bhaimiya]

No offense to any one - Hojayien kuch jokes \"Santa aur Banta key\"
1. Santa Sing is traveling on a train. On his way, he feels the urge to go to the bathroom. So he goes and opens the restroom door, which happens to have a miror in the front. Santa Sing thinks there is another sardar in there, so he qickly shuts the door and returns to his seat.
Five minutes later he goes again, only to find the same sardar. In the next hour he\'s made twenty trips to the restroom, only to find that the same person is still there. So he finally gets ticked off, approaches the TC and lets him know what\'s been going on. The TC, who also happens to be a sardar, sympathises with Santa and offers him to throw the bum out. The TC walks down to the compartment with the troubled bathroom to get the resident sardar out. Few minutes later the TC comes back and tell the sardar \"I\'m sorry, I can\'t do anything. The guy in there is a railway staff member\".
2. Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence. \"They should not put up such misleading notices\", said Banta Singh. \"It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE.\"

[Udhas]

1. Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, \"Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for?\" The sardarji replied \"I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn\'t riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too.\"
2. Santa sing was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall. It read \"Padnewala gadha\" Santa singh though for an hour, erased and wrote back, \"Likhene waala gadha\".

[Shahed]

Once Banta Singh was travelling in a bus , when the conductor approaches him he asked for 2 tickets.. and pay the amount for 2 tickets. After a while condutor asked him You are only one then why you have taken 2 tickets, Banta said If I loose one the other will protect me, conductor moves but immediately comeback and asked him again If you loose another one what will you do ? I have General Bus Pass in my pocket..... He replied.

[Shahed]

Scientists of US were trying hard to trigger a newly invented spaceship but no success. Banta singh sitting in control room thought a lot and suddenly he jumped and annouced Please Bend the rokcet to left side 90 degree and then try.. They did the same and it started and flew in the space. All scientists around congratuled him and asked how this Idea came in your mind. He said I used to go on Scooter to my office when I was in India.

[Bhaimiya]

A Sardarji decided to raise some money and kidnapped a child from a playground and held him for ransom. The child was taken behind a tree, and was told that he was kidnapped. The Sardarji then wrote a note saying: \"I\'ve kidnapped your child. Tomorow morning I want you to put $10,000 in a paper bag and place it under the only tree next to the slide on the north side of the city playground. Signed, \"A Sardarji\". The Sardarji then pinned the note to the child\'s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath the mango tree. The Sardarji opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note saying, \"How could you do this to a fellow Sardarji?\"

[Kulcha Hyderabadi]

Santa Singh was brought to court on charges of Drunken Driving. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gavel on his table and shouted \"Order, order.\" Santa Singh immediately responded:\"Thank you, your honor, I\'ll have a scotch and soda.\".................Why did 18 Sardarjis go to a movie???Because below 18 was not allowed!.......What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer????Just-beer Singh (T silent)....What do you call a sardar who has only one drink???Just-one Singh!.....Why cant Sardar dial 911 (Nine Eleven)???They cannot find 11 on the phone!!!... Why cant Sardars make ice cubes???They always forget the recipe!!!!Sardar ordered a pizza and clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. \"Six please, I could never eat twelve pieces\"

[Kulcha Hyderabadi]

You should be sure the person is Sardar when he:..1)puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to make-up his mind..2)gets stabbed in a shoot-out..3)sends a fax with a postage stamp on it..4)tries to drown a fish in water..5)thinks socialism is partying..6)trips over a cordless phone..7)at the bottom of the application where it says \"Sign here\" he puts \"Sagittarius.\"...sells the car for gas money...9)misses the 44 bus and takes the 22 twice instead...10)gets locked in a Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor..-------Why do Sardars work seven days a week???So you dont have to retrain them on Monday.....How did the Sardar try to kill the bird???He threw it off a cliff!....How do you get Sardar on the roof???Tell him the drinks are on the house!!...COLOR TV: Sardarji is buying a TV..\"Do you have color TV?\" \"Yeah sure, we have them\" \"Okay, give me a green one, please\"......Why do Sardars smile whenever there is lightening???They think that they are being photographed!

[Bhaimiya]

Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh walked toward each other on a country road. Hari Singh carried a burlap bag over his shoulder. \"Hey Bhai,\" Gani Singh drawled, \"what\'s in the bag?\" \"Chickens,\" was the reply. \"If I guess how many, can I have one?\' \"You can have both of them.\" \"that is a deal!! Five?\"

[Bhaimiya]

Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They manage to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow got pushed to the lower deck, but unfortunate Banta got pushed to the upper deck. Later, when most of the passengers got of the bus, Santa goes upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He meets Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. Santa says, \"Arey Banta what the heck\'s goin\' on? Why are you so scared? I was enjoying my ride in the lower deck.\" Scared Banta replies. \"yeah, but you\'ve got a *driver.*\"

[Shahed]

A sardar want to buy a Washing machine so he go to an electronic shop and ask the owner \'WHAT IS THE COST OF THIS WM\' , the owner said \'Sorry Sardar ji we can not sell this to you\', Sardar liked that WM very much and decided to purchase it at any cost. So he went to home change himself to A typical madrasi and again approach to the same shop and ask \'WHAT IS THE COST OF THIS WM\' the owner said the same thing again \'Sorry Sardar ji we can not sell this to you\'.. he went to home again and change himself to Bengaali and again approach to the shop and ask \'WHAT IS THE COST OF THIS WM\' and get the same reply from owner \'Sorry Sardar ji we can not sell this to you\'... And he tried various communities and dresses but everytime he caught.. Atlast he cried and ask the owner SIR dont give me this WM, but atleast tell me how you recognized me as sardaar everytime\' The owner said \'Oh my dear Sardar ji this is not a Washing Machine ....This is a Mini Refrigerator\'

[Ucchu Mian]

(Please excuse me me for the bit of non veg involved in this item) Three friends one of whom is a Sardar works in a small office. The Manager of this office leaves the office every day an hour before the time. These three observes this routine for sometime and one day plan to leave the office immediately after the Manager leaves. As planned one day they all leave the office immediately after the Manager is left. The following day the Sardar is found a bit upset while the other two friends look quite happy and fresh. They ask the Sardar : What is wrong with you , why do you look flat… The Sardar replies : Chado Yaar mein tum logon ki baton mein agaya aur kal buri tarah phaste phaste bach gayaa… The friends ask : Woh Kaise – baat kya hai sardar ji … Sardar said - Yaar kya bataaoon kal shaam mein jaise hi ghar pahonchkar darwaza khola mera to heart fail hote hote rah gaya… pata hai … boss mere ghar mein meri biwi ke saath thaa…… main chupke se wahan se nikal aaya .. agar boss mujhe dekh leta to!!!!!!!

[Bhaimiya]

These Mosquitoes! Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time he tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound \"guooonn, guooonn.\" He gets very irrited. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. Hari Singh being a kind Sardar does not want any bloodshed, but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby: \"so jaa machchar, bete so ja\". After some time he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says \"Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnn.\"

[Kulcha Hyderabadi]

lol, lol, lol, rofl....the best in many years...

[*]

Santa Banta are practising hard to participate in \'Marathon\' , It was night and while going together Banta Challenged Santa \'If you touch that red light and come back with in five minutes I will accept you as the winner \' , Santa accepted the challenge and Started running. 5 minutes , 10 minutes ..10 hours passed away Santa never returned. The next day Banta met santa and inquired about the challenge.. Santa replied \'Banta That was a Red light of a running lorry on National Highway\'.

[vivek of themavericks.. remember!!]

Santa to Banta : Yaar,i saw your house door had a board that said \" Banta Singh BA\" ,now how did you manage to get a MA degree and put a board that says \" Banta Singh MA\"??!!!!.Banta says : Yaar that BA was Bachealor again ,now MA says Married again!!.Lemme also do tha laughing guys hahahahahahahahahahahahaa ufffff!!

[khajabi]

Once, Santa was travelling by aeroplane with his parrot, santa got the window seat and parrot was on the seat beside aisle. the air hostes was passing and parrot whistle the airhostes, she turned around angrily and found parrot, she smilled with amaze and hugged him. Second time he touches the airhostes, she turned around again angrily, but found it is parrot, so smiled again and went away. Santa was watching all this and told himself, yaar, yeh koodi to line de rahi hai.... he switched the seat with the parrot and whistle once as the airhostes passes, she turned around and found Santa, she slapped Santa strongly and went away kicking the ground, second time he did the same thing as parrot, touches her buttock, she turned around, slapped and opened the door and through both of them out of the plane, while coming down in air, the parrot asked Santa, Sardarji, aap ke PANKH hai, he replied, NAI, then parrot says \"to panga kiyoun liya\".

[Bhaimiya]

Suicide: Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks. He takes along some wine and chcken with him. Somebody, who understands the purpose of Sardar\'s presence there, is puzzled by the chicken and whine; he inquires \"kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho\"? (why do you have these with you?). Sardarji replies \"Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjuan\" (if the stupid train comes lates, I will die of hunger).

[Bhaimiya]

A New Cell-Phone: Harvinder wanted to get her wonderful hubby, Santa Singh something nice for their first wedding anniversary. She decided to buy him a cell phone. Their anniversary came and she gave the Sardar the phone. Santa loved it. The next day the Sardar was in his garage getting his car fixed. His phone rings and it\'s his wife Harvinder, \"Hi honey,\" she says, \"How do you like your new phone\". \"I just love it! It\'s so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there\'s one thing I don\'t understand. How did you know I was at the garage?\"

[Bhaimiya]

Another Coat?

A Sardar, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire himself out as a handyman and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. He went to the front door of the first house and asked the onwer if he had any jobs for him to do. \"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?. The Sardar said \"How about 50 dollars? The man agreed and told him that the paint and ladders that he might need were in the garage. The man\'s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and told her husband, \"Does he realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?\" The man replied, \"He should. He was standing on the proch\". A short time later, the Sardar came to the door to collect his money. \"You\'re finsihed already?\" he asked. \"Yes,\" the Sardar answered, \"and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.\" Impressed, the man reched in his pocket for the $50. \"And by the way,\" the Sardar added, \"that\'s not a Porch, it\'s a Ferrari.\"

[Kapil Dev]

I like this

[Habitual Perfectionist]

Grave-digging spidey...wanna get yorked to extinction?

[Stingrae]

I like this

Thank you for letting us know.

Now please retreat under the rock u crawled out from.

The darkness helps you, its ur medication.



PS: Nice first post.

[CtrlAltDel]

I like this

hey Spidey...u migth want to have a look at this relic too:

http://www.fullhyd.com/discussions/viewtopic.php?p=38042#38042

[rock_26iin]

Santa and Banta were sitting on the branch of a tree and Santa was singing songs. After about five songs Santa hung upside down on the branch and started singing again. Amused by this Banta asked Santa what he was doing so Santa replies, " Arrey yaar i am singing the 'B' side now"



Once Santa wore his pagdi the back-side front and went out. Banta saw him coming out of the house and asked him , "Arrey Santa tusi arrey ho ya jaare ho??"

[BM]

I like this

Thanks for bring back the topic again