by Niky Luv » Wed Jun 21, 2006 12:01 am
once upon a time..there was this 19 yr old girl.. umm busy with her normal sched..but once in a while logs on the internet.. to socialize with ppl around the world.. she comes across diff kind of characters online.. some who are freindly, others who are rude, some who can be trusted.. others who are plain despos! one fine day while she was chatting.. there was this guy who messaged her.. who in particular was very stubborn to get her email addy.. and normally she doesnt give out her info to anyone online..(it isnt so safe) but somethin tht day..made her give her id.. and so they started chattin on msn.. ...soon.....
they start chatting on msn.. and this guy really wants her cell number now tht they knw they live in the same country.. the guy, (lets call him R) sounds so caring and soo considerate.. i mean ud never say hes someone the girl met two days ago on the net.. and he keeps askin fer her number .. the girl (lets call her N) hesitates but eventually gives out her number, coz somehow she thought she could trust R.. and so R called her up everyday,every morning to wish her a gud day,every evening to make sure she reached home safely frm college.. night before she went to bed.. it was all so hard-to-believe for N.. since R was a total stranger and he was so much interested in her.. inspite of herself, she liked all the attention she was gettin from R.. so this went on for another two weeks before they decided it was time they get to know each other better..and so they decided to meet....
and soooooooo N was pretty excited lookin forward to meet the person who was so interested .. and it was obvious R was tryin to hit on her... umm it didnt really matter to either of them tht one was an Indian and the other a Pakistani coz they were so much alike.. they had similar interests, and they had pretty much the same thinking.. the same perspective to luk at things and they liked talkin to each other , jokin around...wht N really found striking in R was dat he had stuff to talk about...anytime,anywhere...he had this confidence dt he can never bore anyone.. and he had set goals in life.. at the age of 22 he was very much responsible, with a nice job and a good family.. ideas like how he has to work hard to support them... and N was really, really impressed...
There are so many facilities online these days.. u can find just about anything u want.. N had a best freind online.. someone who she could share stuff with.. things she can tell no one else.. ok its no person, its an online diary.. not many ppl have this habit of writing diaries..N always maintained one in real.. but it was just too risky leavin it around like tht at home.. so she chose to type it down online..perfect place for all her feelings to be penned down..or rather, typed down....
Since R walked into her life.. her diary started overflowing with things about him.... here are a few excerpts from N's online Diary... "Pure Feelings....."
Excerpt from N's online diary...PURE FEELINGS...
"heyy um its been like wht err close to a week nw.. i guess aww dont really remember..anyway so yea and i started chatting with this person..and yea of course im not the type to give out my number and stuff...lekin phir bhi something made me do it..as in i think i can trust this person..and i do a lot now..isiliye to wer are like trying to get to know more about each other..khair, we talk daily..abhi to lol koi baat nahi hes a great guy..very caring and understanding..good personality..set goals in life..great freind to hang out with..kitna bolta hai yaar.!!! ufff..but its nice to hear someone yakking away.. always full of topics..yeah i like such kinda ppl..no probz..lekin hes treating me like so differently..as in why ?? kuch baat to hai,umm lekin whtever it is hes my friend now and i cant hurt his feelings in any way can i??? but i admit it..achha lagta hai u knw when someone like cares for ya..chalo anyway,, i really hope hes wht i think he is..as in so many bad experiences its kinda hard to trust anyone these days,, to find a good person who can be ur freind at all times...and its been ages since iv talked tosomeone so often..din mein do chaar baar baat ho jaati hai..reminds me of school days really..ahh wht fun!! miss all that..hez pretty cool..kind and sweet at times..and funny all the time lolz! aur kya i just felt like typing it down coz i cant go and tell everyone about this can i..so to keep it a lil personal..yea...and these are my..oh yes..Pure Feelings..."
and so N realisez shes actually in love with this guy.. she doesnt want to be into all this.. but sumthin tells her tht maybe this guy is meant for her.. oh why do i feel this.. this is just not right.. can i really trust him? but i like him.. hes so sweet n all..its something so different.. somethin iv never felt before..maybe its just an infatuation.. im worried tht if i meet him i might like him even more.. oooh wht do i do? but i really really am dieing to meet this guy.. and does he luv me too??
N had these thoughts bothering her.. made her so confused.. her mind wanted her to back out on this.. but her heart already fell for R..in love with him.. maybe this is how one feels when he/she is in love.. confused... in a situation where u just dont know whts right for you..maybe this is when you leave to God--The Almighty.. He definitely shows you the way.. and thts wht N did exactly.. if he is the one for me, Allah will give me a sign.. i might have to go through so much.. but i just need to be patient.. to know this person.. or maybe this is just a silly crush.. oh i dont know.. umm.. only time will tell....
things were pretty much normal for the rest of the week.. N let her freinds at college know about this.. and in most particular her very best freind D....D is someone N knew for a very long time.. their families are pretty close and they live nearby so its quite easy for the two to visit each other often,..
D was very supportive, and she wanted to meet R too.. " I wanna know if hes right for you " is wht she told N..
N was really very excited about seeing R, and all she could think about was him.. he kept running through her mind, and everything around her looked so good..her mornings were all brightened up the minute she heard his voice over the phone.. she started seeing things .. to feel everything,, to appreciate what she has.. to be happy with what she is.. he did make her feel brand new..to be in love is so amazing...
She knew it wouldnt be that easy for her to maintain a relation, (if she got into one) what with her messed up college schedule, which forces her to be up at 5:00am and leave home by 6:00..and she reaches back home around 17:00.. that definitely exhausted her, and it was pretty difficult to do things she liked the most..
Reading was something that was so close to her heart, N believed that every person in this world should read, or develop an interest in reading.. coz there are books which throw a light on the hard facts of life.. there are fictional and non-fictional books.. true stories about real poeple..people who want us to hear them out.. and so she read whenever she could..
the wait is finally over.. tomorrow im gonna meet him.. aww im soo nervous.. but this is exciting at the same time,.. im dieing to see him...."
Beautiful morning, just the thought of seeing R, for the first time.. brought butterflies to her stomach.. she had to look at her best, no matter what... this made her feel so awkward.. she was worried if he'd really like her ... " What if he says im not too good for him?"Well that was to be seen..
She had planned on taking her own sweet time to dress up..but there's no fun when things dont mess up when u dont want them to yeah?? so well, it did sort of get mixed up when R called her up saying he was already waiting.. ok now N had to be really courteous.. and she didnt want R to wait as that was the first time they were meeting... so she hurried up literally tripping while putting on clothes.. her hair wet.. haywire.. but this was probably the exciting part about the first day ur meetin the person u really like...with that done she was glad with herself for looking "pretty much acceptable" in such a short time... she then grabbed her handbag, checking for her car keys.. which she had misplaced, as usual.. the next five "precious" minutes were lost looking for them in her room... and what do u know? they were right there in her bag.. " i've totally lost it.....i just hope im in my senses after meeting him..."The drive towards the mall (the place they had to decided to meet at) was thrilling.. N never drove so fast like she did that day.. and everything went by whizzing.. her mind out of focus.. she was like a danger to all on street that day.. but anyway, her body totally tense and cold, she tried to relax herself..calm herself down taking slow,deep breaths.. her heart hammering loudly against her ribs..
And so she reached,finally, at the mall.. in the parking lot.. where she parked her car.. and got out to see him waiting .. with one last look at herself, she got into his car.....
" The moment i saw him.. i felt the connection made.. something that would last for a very long time to come, and that made me feel so special., a look at him told me that he is probably meant for me.. yet i wanted to make sure if thats exactly what my heart wants,.. to make him mine.. i saw his face and i fell in love instantly, i knew this was fast, too early, but i can never tell what i was going through at that time.. i was totally lost for words, so lost into him, so nervous, hesitating to say anything.. all he said was a "hi" and i just replied back.. it took a few tense moments before we actually started talking...i love the beach and so we stopped by there.. everything around looked so beautiful..his presence made it even better..my throat too dry to speak..my hands freezing..i feared looking into his eyes.. ohh maybe it wasnt fear really.. i can say i was just a little shy, and i avoided looking at him.. though i wanted to so badly.. the person who made me feel so good till then.. wanted to know him more, and when i finally gathered up all my courage and stared.. his eyes.. like they say feelings cant be penned down, i understand how true it is.. coz im having a real hard time to express my feelings.. it was heavenly, he made me feel so real, so magical.. the love inside me was so intense.. i wanted to pour out all my thoughts to him.. to let him know whats inside my head.. to share things with him..coz i love him.. "
" The only thing i could see while driving back home was his face.. kept flashing in front of my eyes.. i was totally in love with him.. yet, i felt maybe not.. the sort of dilemma where a person loves to be in a situation.. inspite of trying to avoid it many a times.. the beautiful feeling when i looked into his eyes, and when he looked at me the way i wanted him to.. i was so lost in them, forgetting the busy world outside.. the urge so strong to blurt out everything i feel for him.. but my lips sealed tight, not able to utter a word.. those were the moments i would treasure forever, coz those meant the start of a new relationship..where i let my heart win.. win over him.. over myself.. to let it rule.. to do what it asks me to, anything to make him happy.. anything to show him how much he means to me... that he is a very important part of my life.. and he will always be, everything connected to him makes me glad.. his voice, his face, his eyes, his style..every little thing matters to me.. i sit here filling up my diary while it rains outside.. the smell of the wet earth.. so natural, just like the love i feel for him.. and i hope he feels the same.. this rainy night when i feel so strong.. so loved and cared.. when i have decided to go ahead with him.. wishing he would be there when i need him the most.... for the first time, on a rainy night.. i miss someone so terribly..and its him..."
I just dont know who i should tell this to.. i want someone to know.. its amazing the way he talks, i think im going crazy after him.. umm again i keep telling myself that im being hasty.. but i just cant help it.. i love him sooo much!! and he does too.. "
These were a few entries from N's diary.Things were the usual.. the same old routine, except for the fact that there was R in her life now.. and she felt good about everything she did.. there was only one problem though.. she wanted to see him every other day which wasnt really possible.. and she had to explain to him. and he was understanding.. so there problem solved..they agreed to meet up every weekend..not bad at all...
TWO WEEKS LATER...
It's 15:45 in the evening.. N still in college working on her seminar.. 15 mins more and she'll be done.. she recieves a call from R which obviously was a break from her tiring work.. they speak for approx. two minutes.. and then she recieves another call from an unknown number...
N: hello
unknwn:who's this?
N: who is this?
unknwn: i want to know your name..
N: im sorry , i think U called ME up.. so i should be asking u that..
unknwn: do u know R ??
N: who R?
unknwn: how are u related to R??
N: i dont know who ur talking about...
unknwn: u better stop talking to him..
N: and who are u?
unknwn: im his fiancee`
N: what???
unknwn: yes and u please stop calling him up..
That very moment, N gets a second call from R.. she asks the girl to hang on while she talks with him..
N:hello?
R: hey
N: what is going on? why are u playing with me?
R: why, whats wrong?
N: theres this girl who calls me up and tells me shes ur fiancee
R: ohh.. no listen..
N: i dont want all that.. is this all a game or what? coz this aint funny at all..!!
R : no let me explain.. shes actually my ex-- and she just found out that im seeing you..and shes a little insecure..
N: how did she get my number?
R: my freind took my cell along and he probably let him know that i was seeing someone..only coz she asked him..
N: so what am i suppsoed to do now?
R: please try to understand..
N: ill talk to u later..
Her mind in a turmoil.. her heart feeling so heavy.. she was hurt..she was angry.. she was crying..
How can he do this to me? for all the love i gave him, this is all i get in return? what wrong have i done? if he really had someone in his life already, why did he hurt me then? why me??
without thinking straight she decided to find out more... she was determined to know the reason why he was playing with her feelings....
I was so hasty.. i thought i could trust him.. and i trusted him on my life.. how can i be so stupid? i should've known...he was too good to be true.. i just hate him... he has no respect for my feelings.. he was two timing all this while.. and i was so naive to fall for every lie he told me... what do i do now? im so confused...
hi guys.. im so sorry the love story iv been writing for you guys to read.. just came to en end last night.. by now u might have guessed that the girl was me ...ill let u guys know everything because i dont want any other girl to go through what im going through right now..
even after knowing he had a fiancee..he was so smart to make up stories..and i was so stupid to beleive every word he said.. and i forgave him.. i still loved him like i did before..my freinds kept telling me that hes not trustworthy.. i just ignored them all..for this person.. he told me that girl was his ex-- and he will no more see her or talk to her..i thought everything went back to normal..
he txtd me everyday informing me tht he'd be with his dad.. last night i had a hunch he wasnt with his dad..and i called him up.. and i heard the girl .. whne i asked him who he was with he ignored me.. once,twice,thrice.. but the third time he let me know... i was so shattered.. that was it.. i couldnt take it anymore..he caled me up many times later on but i didnt bother to answer back.. i couldnt hold any longer so i sent him a txt cursing him..about how heartless he was..to play with my feelings.. luckily i had his fiancees number.. i called her up and i told her everything..
what shocked me was the fact that he told her he was using me for timepass.. that he just wanted to take out work from me.. that im an indian and having a relation with one is just impossible...
my exams are coming up..and i dnt know why all this had to happen to me..when i loved someone so much..that person hurt me the most.. its like i lost all faith in the purity of love.. i take back all the things iv posted on this forum..everything related to love..everything related to my story..because i dont believe in this feeling anymore... what i have for my family n freinds will remain..because theyv always been right...always been by my side.. and i love them.. i love them all..but i would never want to get into a relation with a guy.. never, not on my own.. its all silly.. love story and all.. life is better off without hurting yourself.. i cant concentrate on anything..i havent slept or eaten the whole night..sad part is i cant talk to my mom because itd hurt her..that i hid all this... and its all eating me from inside,. i hate myself for being so stupid.. but all this has taught me a lesson..and a good one...
