Humor...or something like it.

[CtrlAltDel]

Behind every successful woman, there is a satisfied man.

but behind a satisfied woman, there is an exhausted man.



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sex is like a restaurant.

sometimes u get full satisfactory service,

and sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service



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what makes a happy man?

daughter on the cover of cosmo.

son on the cover of sports illustrated

mistress on the cover of playboy

and .... wife on the cover of " missing persons " [/code]

[ycr007]

[rock_26iin]

what makes a happy man?
daughter on the cover of cosmo.
son on the cover of sports illustrated
mistress on the cover of playboy
and .... wife on the cover of " missing persons " [/code]

corollary



What makes a man unhappy?



daughter on the cover of playboy

son on the cover of cosmo (implies he's gay)

wife on the cover of sports illustrated

mistress on the cover of "missing persons"

[runner]

Til death do us part

Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over

the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill

herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over

with quickly, she took out Earl's old army pistol and made the decision to

shoot herself in the heart since it was already so badly broken in the first

place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and

burden to someone, she called her doctor to inquire as to just exactly

where the heart would be. The doctor said, "Your heart would be just

below your left breast." Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the

hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

[fl]

[ycr007]

U sure it ain't 'photoshopped'??

[fl]

:lol:

U sure it ain't 'photoshopped'??

its frm dilbet.com

[Mayavi Morpheus]

Scott Adams had a IIT coleague where he used to work(Before taking up dilbert fulltime). He gave him the idea to introduce the 'Asok' character in dilbert series.

[CtrlAltDel]

its really surprising how much dilbert characters and situations match with real life corporate experiences!

[Mayavi Morpheus]

To understand the above cartoon, you must be aware of musharraff's public statements:

1. He (and other paki ministers) said that Pakistan is being generous by accepting India $ 25 M aid and 100's of tonnes of relief supplies.



2. They specified that they will take aid from everyone except Israel and India, but eventually they took Israel's aid and not mentioned it in the intl. media.



3. Everyone might be aware of Musharraffs comments on women during his US trip "Women in pakistan try to get raped so that they can get canadian visa".

[akhilis2cool]

Good one Mayavi!

[BEST POSITIONS IN BED]

BEST POSITIONS IN BED -Take Care and open carefully........



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And you thought it was going to be dirty

Get your mind out of the GUTTER.





HA HA HA HA.....







Scroll down more.....These speak for themselves!

[Funnyman HP]

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.



Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.



Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.



Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.



Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)



Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.



Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.



Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.



Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.



Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.



Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.



Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.



Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.



Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.



Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.



Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

[Mayavi Morpheus]

Nominated as one of the best posts on craigslist by the users:

To the little pile of dirty laundry that rides the #2 bus... Congratulations-- you have officially been named this year's Public Transit Freak Show! You join a rather impressive list of previous winners that includes:

1.) Lady Wrapped in White Towels Complete with a White Towel Turban on the #156 in Chicago: I initially wrote you off as just a garden-variety weirdo, but when you waved at me from across the aisle and asked me to "kindly" put away my walkman because "several members" of your family had been "killed by radio waves," well, let's just say you had me at hello.

2.) Mole Woman from the Millbrae BART train: your silver dollar sized black mole on your cheek and the tuft 3 inch black wiry hairs sprouting out of it had me transfixed for the entire ride. Oh to be a fly on the wall of your bathroom when you primp in front of the mirror every morning...

3.) Asian Lady on the "T" With the Full Grown Fu Manchu Mustache: people often talk about the inexplicable urge to stare at a car crash... Baby, a 20-car pileup ain't got nothin' on you.

Yes, Little Pile of Dirty Laundry (shall I call you "Ms." or "Mr."?)... with your 20 layers of dirty clothes and your head wrapped completely in old sweatpants, boxer shorts with frayed elastic, a fuzzy acrylic scarf and a black wool ski mask, your day has finally arrived! As I sat across from you on the bus, I could tell just from the way your little feet were planted firmly on the floor, that somewhere under the trench coat, the old Starter jacket, the tattered green cardigan, the polyester house dress, the nubby gray pullover, the plaid flannel shirt, the Glad trash bags, the tube socks, the corduroys (oh you get the picture) beat the heart of a true champion! Your originality, your resourcefulness and your devil-may-care attitude are to be commended. Take a bow... you've earned it.

Credit to the anonymous poster.

[CtrlAltDel]

bump...



ustaadji...use this thread for yr jokes, instead of opening a new thread for everyone of them

[Ustaad]

bump...

ustaadji...use this thread for yr jokes, instead of opening a new thread for everyone of them

Teek hai..



here's one i found...





Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son.



Laloo: I want you to marry a girl of my choice

Son : "I want to choose my own bride".

Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."

Son : "Well, in that case...... Yes"



Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani

Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."

Ambani : "But my daughter is too young to marry."

Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."

Ambani : "Ah, in that case.....Yes"



Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."

President :"But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."

Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."

President : "Ah, in that case.......Yes."



This is how business is done!!!

[ustaad]

A railway station beggar meets another beggar.

A software engineer meets another software engineer.

Both of them ask the same question to each other.

What is the question?



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"So, which platform are you working on?"

[Brondie]

1980 girls: Maa mei Jeans pehanungi

Maa: Nahin beti log kya kahengey?

2006 girls: Maa mein mini skirt pehanungi

Maa: Pehen le beti kuch to pehan le!