I am a useless, lazy, unmotivated employee. I have no interest in my work, I couldn't care less about the company i get paid by (i would say the company i work for but, ha.. we'll get to that later) i have no interest in rising up the ladder internally or externally, i hate computers and i'm not good at programming (my role here is as a programmer so thats not good) i get paid peanuts, and i'm not even worth that. If i get a pay rise, it'll be 10% of peanuts, so it's not worth working for. If i get a paycut (which i should, more on that later) then again, 10% aint gonna kill me.
let's examine the facts. My role is a bit vague, but basically i fix bugs that are assigned to me by people who know more than i do. I used to get through a few bugs a week, mostly by bugging people until they sort the problem out for me as i'm far too massively incompetent to sort these issues out on my own for the most part. Even if i had the necessary skills and intellegence, i lack the motivation. IT just doesn't grab me like i thought it would.
My typical day:
9:20 - Arrive to work (usually the first one in actually, about my only achievement in an average day)
9:30 - Coffee Break
10:00 - at this stage i've finished checking mails, i like to log on to fullhyd and make posts like this one.
11:00 - Toilet break. I put the lid down and have a sleep until
11:30 - Work time! i go through huge effort to pretend to be really busy for about 3 minutes, then i get tired and need my
12:00 Coffee break
12:45 - Lunch - I take a quick, early lunch for 2 reasons
1. The canteen packs up real quick at 1pm
2. If i go down at 12:45 and am back at my desk at 1 that means i have an hour of messing about without people looking over my shoulder.
brings me up to
14:00 Start longing for 1800, trying to look as busy as possible. I will have about 10 work related programs on my desktop and every so often i'll activate one and pretend to work on it for a while. change, repeat.
15:00 - loooong coffee break. usually i'll go up or down several floors for this one, and it'll take at least 1 hour.
16:00 - Not too bad this hour, may get a small bit of real work done.
17:00 - after this point my brain has already left the building and is busy driving home. my body sits slack jawed stairing at my screensaver for about 1 hour.
18:00 on the dot, i leave for the day, after giving a big goodbye to everyone (office wasters, here's a tip, if you're really nice to everyone they'll often overlook the fact that you are a useless, feckless gobshite)
Most fridays I spend 7 hours in the toilet trying to sleep, waiting for the weekend to begin.
As i said to Lizzie earlier, i'm pretty sure at this stage the company does better if i do nothing than if i try to help, as my influence (well meaning though it is) on buggie software is usually to take software with "issues" and accidentally transform it to software with "problems"
All in all, if i stayed home, the company would have an extra desk, would save power, and there'd be 1 extra toilet cubicle free for the day.
i'm not sure if i have the right attitude for the workplace
the irony is that outside work, my life is pretty nice. i like being here. In fact if life was less good, work might seem less shit. hows that for a monday morning paradox?
Anyhow, if i were in management i would resolve this issue in 1 of 2 ways
1. Fire me back to Ireland in a cannon with a P45 stuffed in my mouth
2. Promote me to a position where i could do less damage (Senior Vice Presedent for Lounging Around, for example)
Anyhow, i have no idea what i want to do with the rest of my life, but 1 thing is for certain, i will not be in an office. to quote from "Office Space", my current fav movie, "Human beings were not meant to sit in cubicles all day looking at computer screens" spot on IMO. I did computer engineering in college because i though it sounded like fun, and a good money maker, well wrong and wrong Mark, try again.
The light at the end of the tunnel is i'm still only 24, and i've realised the direction my worklife is taking is not one suited to my talents (or lack thereof) The other light at the end of the tunnel (there's two lights ok?) is that i've learned a lot about myself while trying to fall asleep on the toilet, valuable moments of introspection.
So anyhow, is anyone else in the same position? ok maybe not, but does anyone else feel that overall they might not be heading in the right direction with their worklife?
