but ya all gotta admit no one'z PERFECT...!!
though we r close 2 it!!
Whatever u do, if u are a CHICK, do not read this.
Moderator: The Moderator Team
38 posts
• Page 2 of 2 • 1, 2
haha! tht waz hilarious!
but ya all gotta admit no one'z PERFECT...!!
though we r close 2 it!!
but ya all gotta admit no one'z PERFECT...!!
though we r close 2 it!!
Ahh...wHo Da BlOoDy HelL...CaReZ..!?!
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PaSt_pReSeNt_FuTuRe - Level 3 Star User
- Posts: 1568
- Joined: Mon Jan 03, 2005 3:46 am
- Location: <..YaHiN kAhIn..>
BrownBoy wrote::lol:
i m surprised why the girls havent made a male bashing thread yet ,
we must be perfect
ahh...well we have more sense then to wastin time on uselezz stuff!
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PaSt_pReSeNt_FuTuRe - Level 3 Star User
- Posts: 1568
- Joined: Mon Jan 03, 2005 3:46 am
- Location: <..YaHiN kAhIn..>
PaSt_pReSeNt_FuTuRe wrote:BrownBoy wrote::lol:
i m surprised why the girls havent made a male bashing thread yet ,
we must be perfect
ahh...well we have more sense then to wastin time on uselezz stuff!
Ohhh ohhhh then u shud havent read this thread n posted .....wastin ur precious time
Don't expect to learn about people from books; a person can't fit in a bookcase
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salamehyderabad - Level 1 Star User
- Posts: 654
- Joined: Thu Aug 26, 2004 2:02 am
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PaSt_pReSeNt_FuTuRe - Level 3 Star User
- Posts: 1568
- Joined: Mon Jan 03, 2005 3:46 am
- Location: <..YaHiN kAhIn..>
PaSt_pReSeNt_FuTuRe wrote:haan...khair boriyat main ye last option rakha hai..!
chal lite leee.....
Don't expect to learn about people from books; a person can't fit in a bookcase
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salamehyderabad - Level 1 Star User
- Posts: 654
- Joined: Thu Aug 26, 2004 2:02 am
Misuse dowry laws...could you please take your MCP comments off this thread to some godforsaken place? This is a fun thread and we intend to keep it that way.
In un foro nella terra, viva un hobbit
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Habitual Perfectionist - Level 1 Lord
- Posts: 2527
- Joined: Sat Dec 06, 2003 4:28 am
- Location: Omnipresent
to have fun on a fun thread
Habitual Perfectionist wrote:Misuse dowry laws...could you please take your MCP comments off this thread to some godforsaken place? This is a fun thread and we intend to keep it that way.
Oops!!
If this is all about fun, that you provided from http://www.avolites.org.uk/jokes/perfect.htm
Then, here is some more fun of same kind.....
The Top 10 reasons why a handgun is better than a woman
#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.
#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for
when you're on the road.
#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he
will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a
backup.
#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of
ammo.
#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.
#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look
fat?"
#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you
use it.
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A
WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun.
- misuse_dowry_laws
- Registered User
- Posts: 107
- Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2004 9:38 pm
Re: to have fun on a fun thread
misuse_dowry_laws wrote:Oops!!
If this is all about fun, that you provided from http://www.avolites.org.uk/jokes/perfect.htm
Sorry to disappoint you but the fun I provided was from elsewhere.
btw...here's something I came to know about Genesis.
Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said, "This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you.
She will always agree with every decision you make.
She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.
She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
The rest is history...
In un foro nella terra, viva un hobbit
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Habitual Perfectionist - Level 1 Lord
- Posts: 2527
- Joined: Sat Dec 06, 2003 4:28 am
- Location: Omnipresent
daisy wrote:Q. What did God say after creating Adam
A. I must be able to do better than that.
Q - And what did he say after creating Eve?
A - Sheesh....I should have stopped right after creating Adam. This pepper vodka is too strong.
daisy wrote:Q. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.
Q - How do you get a woman to do sit-ups?
A - Simple. Tell them not to do sit-ups.
daisy wrote:Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm cells to fertilize one egg?
A. They won't stop to ask for directions.
Q - Why does it take 1 million sperms to fertilize one egg?
A - The egg just acts too hard to get.
In un foro nella terra, viva un hobbit
-
Habitual Perfectionist - Level 1 Lord
- Posts: 2527
- Joined: Sat Dec 06, 2003 4:28 am
- Location: Omnipresent
Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Women
1. You can enjoy a beer all month long.
2. Beer stains wash out.
3. You don't have to wine and dine beer.
4. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car while you play baseball/soccer/basketball/etc.
5. When your beer goes flat, you toss it out.
6. Beer is never late.
7. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
8. Hangovers go away.
9. Beer labels come off without a fight.
10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.
11. Beer never has a headache.
12. After you've had a beer, the bottle is still worth 5 cents in IA n 10 cents in detroit (added by me).
13. A beer won't get upset if you come home and have another beer on your breath.
14. If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head.
15. A beer always goes down easy.
16. You can have more than one beer in a night and not feel guilty.
17. You can share a beer with your friends.
18. You always know you're the first one to pop a beer.
19. Beer is always wet.
20. Beer doesn't demand equality.
21. You can have a beer in public.
22. A beer doesn't care when you come.
23. A frigid beer is a good beer.
24. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
25. If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony.
26. Good beer costs less than good women.
27. A beer doesn't change its mind after you've taken off its top.
28. Beer doesn't expect an hour of foreplay before satisfying you.
29. A beer looks as good in the morning as it did when the bar closed.
30. You can't get thrown in jail for having a beer under the grandstand at halftime.
31. Afterwards, a beer won't feel guilty, cry, propose, call her mother, your ex-wife or her therapist.
32. Beer never bugs you to have little beers.
32. If your preference for a type of beer changes, you don't have to get involved with lawyers.
32. Beers don't want a lasting relationship.
32. A beer doesn't make you sleep onthe couch after you've taken six other beers on a picnic.
32. After you've put your lips to a beer, a beer never asks, "What are you doing?"
32. Finishing a beer in 3 seconds is something to be proud of.
32. You can have a beer on your lunch hour.
32. A beer never wants to stay up afterwards talking about respect.
32. A beer won't slap you in the face for putting it between your legs at a drive-in movie.
Disclaimer: No Serious Looks.
1. You can enjoy a beer all month long.
2. Beer stains wash out.
3. You don't have to wine and dine beer.
4. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car while you play baseball/soccer/basketball/etc.
5. When your beer goes flat, you toss it out.
6. Beer is never late.
7. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
8. Hangovers go away.
9. Beer labels come off without a fight.
10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.
11. Beer never has a headache.
12. After you've had a beer, the bottle is still worth 5 cents in IA n 10 cents in detroit (added by me).
13. A beer won't get upset if you come home and have another beer on your breath.
14. If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head.
15. A beer always goes down easy.
16. You can have more than one beer in a night and not feel guilty.
17. You can share a beer with your friends.
18. You always know you're the first one to pop a beer.
19. Beer is always wet.
20. Beer doesn't demand equality.
21. You can have a beer in public.
22. A beer doesn't care when you come.
23. A frigid beer is a good beer.
24. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
25. If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony.
26. Good beer costs less than good women.
27. A beer doesn't change its mind after you've taken off its top.
28. Beer doesn't expect an hour of foreplay before satisfying you.
29. A beer looks as good in the morning as it did when the bar closed.
30. You can't get thrown in jail for having a beer under the grandstand at halftime.
31. Afterwards, a beer won't feel guilty, cry, propose, call her mother, your ex-wife or her therapist.
32. Beer never bugs you to have little beers.
32. If your preference for a type of beer changes, you don't have to get involved with lawyers.
32. Beers don't want a lasting relationship.
32. A beer doesn't make you sleep onthe couch after you've taken six other beers on a picnic.
32. After you've put your lips to a beer, a beer never asks, "What are you doing?"
32. Finishing a beer in 3 seconds is something to be proud of.
32. You can have a beer on your lunch hour.
32. A beer never wants to stay up afterwards talking about respect.
32. A beer won't slap you in the face for putting it between your legs at a drive-in movie.
Disclaimer: No Serious Looks.
Don't expect to learn about people from books; a person can't fit in a bookcase
-
salamehyderabad - Level 1 Star User
- Posts: 654
- Joined: Thu Aug 26, 2004 2:02 am
How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off the fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning because there was a distinct chill in the air due to the temperature dropping below 33 degrees.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh immediately and rush to bathroom.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whinge even more about how you're getting fat.
Turn on the hot water only.
Get in the shower, once you have found it through all that steam.
Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash your hair once more with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
Complain bitterly when you realise that your boyfriend/husband has been eating your Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).
Debate shaving armpits and legs and decide that you can't be bothered, and anyway the hair helps keep you warm.
Slick hair back and pretend you're like Bo Derek in 10.
Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you get a rush of scalding water.
Turn hot water on full and rinse off.
Dry with a towel the size of a small African country.
Check entire body for the remotest sign of a spot. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh immediately, ignore his juvenile turban gags and then rush to bedroom.
How to Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.
Walk to bathroom wearing a towel, tensing all available muscles. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs. (always there, whatever your shape)
Turn on the water. Check for pecs again. (yup, still there) Get in the shower.
Have some Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake stuff. 2 minute full body wash (NO accessories).
Shampoo your hair. (NO conditioner)
Make a shampoo Mohawk. Open the door and look at yourself in the mirror. (Grrrr).
Return to the bedroom wearing a towel tensing all available muscles, if you pass your girlfriend/wife, flash her.
Take off the fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning because there was a distinct chill in the air due to the temperature dropping below 33 degrees.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh immediately and rush to bathroom.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whinge even more about how you're getting fat.
Turn on the hot water only.
Get in the shower, once you have found it through all that steam.
Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash your hair once more with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
Complain bitterly when you realise that your boyfriend/husband has been eating your Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).
Debate shaving armpits and legs and decide that you can't be bothered, and anyway the hair helps keep you warm.
Slick hair back and pretend you're like Bo Derek in 10.
Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you get a rush of scalding water.
Turn hot water on full and rinse off.
Dry with a towel the size of a small African country.
Check entire body for the remotest sign of a spot. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh immediately, ignore his juvenile turban gags and then rush to bedroom.
How to Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.
Walk to bathroom wearing a towel, tensing all available muscles. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs. (always there, whatever your shape)
Turn on the water. Check for pecs again. (yup, still there) Get in the shower.
Have some Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake stuff. 2 minute full body wash (NO accessories).
Shampoo your hair. (NO conditioner)
Make a shampoo Mohawk. Open the door and look at yourself in the mirror. (Grrrr).
Return to the bedroom wearing a towel tensing all available muscles, if you pass your girlfriend/wife, flash her.
-
lizard king - Level 2 Lord
- Posts: 3882
- Joined: Wed Aug 04, 2004 11:41 am
PMS Definitions
* Pass My Shotgun
* Psychotic Mood Shift
* Perpetual Munching Spree
* Puffy Mid-Section
* People Make Me Sick
* Provide Me with Sweets
* Pardon My Sobbing
* Pimples May Surface
* Pass My Sweatpants
* Pissy Mood Syndrome
* Plainly; Men Suck
* Pack My Stuff
* Permanent Menstrual Syndrome
Joke......., have a good laugh boys
How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
One.
Only ONE!!
And do you know WHY?
Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb!
They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!
They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out.
And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS!
But if they did, by some miracle, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!
AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!
WHY? BECAUSE NO-ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!
IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12' DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE.
THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS #@*$!#@!... HOUSE!
I'm sorry...what did you ask me?
oi chicks... no offence., but if u still feel offended, guess its just yous.
* Pass My Shotgun
* Psychotic Mood Shift
* Perpetual Munching Spree
* Puffy Mid-Section
* People Make Me Sick
* Provide Me with Sweets
* Pardon My Sobbing
* Pimples May Surface
* Pass My Sweatpants
* Pissy Mood Syndrome
* Plainly; Men Suck
* Pack My Stuff
* Permanent Menstrual Syndrome
Joke......., have a good laugh boys
How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
One.
Only ONE!!
And do you know WHY?
Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb!
They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!
They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out.
And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS!
But if they did, by some miracle, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!
AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!
WHY? BECAUSE NO-ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!
IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12' DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE.
THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS #@*$!#@!... HOUSE!
I'm sorry...what did you ask me?
oi chicks... no offence., but if u still feel offended, guess its just yous.
-
lizard king - Level 2 Lord
- Posts: 3882
- Joined: Wed Aug 04, 2004 11:41 am
Alright... more fun stuff!
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There's a clock on the oven!
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in.
All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.
What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.
Scientists have discovered one certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%...wedding cake.
How are women and tornados alike?
They twist and moan when their coming and take the house and car when their leaving.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There's a clock on the oven!
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in.
All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.
What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.
Scientists have discovered one certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%...wedding cake.
How are women and tornados alike?
They twist and moan when their coming and take the house and car when their leaving.
-
lizard 'the MCP' king - Level 2 Lord
- Posts: 3882
- Joined: Wed Aug 04, 2004 11:41 am
38 posts
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