Whatever u do, if u are a CHICK, do not read this.

[lizard king]

alright boys.....one more thread for all that girl bashing



to start off with...



Seminars For females

Elementary Map Reading

Crying and Law Enforcement

Advanced Math Seminar: Programming Your VCR

You CAN Go Shopping for Less than 4 Hours

Gaining Five Pounds vs. The End of the World: A Study in Contrast

The Seven-Outfit Week

PMS:It's YOUR Problem, Not Mine ("It's Happened Monthly Since Puberty: Deal With it")

Driving I: Getting Past Automatic Transmissions

Driving II: The Meaning of Blinking Orange Lights

Driving III: Approximating a Constant Speed

Driving IV: Makeup and Driving: It's As Simple As Oil and Water

Football: Not a Game: A Sacrament

Telephone Translations (formerly titled "Me Too Equals I Love You")

How to Earn Your Own Money

Gift-giving Fundamentals (formerly titled "Fabric Bad, Electronics Good")

Putting the Seat Down By Yourself: Potential Energy is on Your Side

Beyond "Clean and Dirty": The Nuances of Wearable Laundry

Yes, You Can Fill Up At A Self Serve Station

Joys of the Remote Control: Reaping the Benefits of 50+ Channels

What Goes Around Comes Around: Why His Credit Card is Not a Toy

His Best Friend Can Be Yours Too

His Poker Games: Deal Yourself Out

Commitment Schmittment (formerly titled "Wedlock Schmedlock")

To Honor and Obey: Remembering the Small Print Above "I Do"

Why Your Mother Is Unwelcome In The House

Your Mate: Selfish Bastard, or Victimized Sensitive Man?

Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits

Combating Imelda Marcos Syndrome: You Do Not Need New Shoes Everyday

Parties: Going Without New Outfits

Man Management: Discover How Chores Can Wait Until After the Game

Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too

Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is His

Communication Skills I: Tears-The Last Resort, Not the First

Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want, Without Nagging

Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up

Introduction to Parking

Advanced Parking: Reversing Into a Space

Water Retention: Fact or Fat

Cooking I: Bringing Back Meat, Eggs and Butter

Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not For Human Consumption

Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To

Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have

Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice

Ballet: For Women Only

Oil and Gasoline: Your Car Needs BOTH

Do These Jeans Make My Butt Look Big? - Why Men Lie









Girls, I asked yous not to read this. Did nt I? or is it just that u dont understand english?

[rock_26iin]

Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

That one had me laughing for quite a bit!



Nice thread, LK

[Sharjeel]

His Best Friend Can Be Yours Too

<--- My Fave. And it did not make me laugh...

[CtrlAltDel]

good ones lizardmasala!

[lizard king]

A simple example of how internet can keep u happy.

here is another one





Things women just don't say.....





Do you think this dress makes me look too slim.

You take me out too much, can't we just stay in.

A fake one will do.

You look stressed out, let me give you a blowjob.

Have a night out with your mates, you deserve it.

That Pamela Anderson has a lovely body.

My mother is a real old bitch.

No, No, you buy me too much already.

Give it to me hard up the arse, big boy; you know I love it.

What headache?

Put your money away, let me buy the round.

You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.

The new girl in my office is a stripper. I invited her over for dinner on Friday.

While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover.

Bar food again?? Kick ass!!

I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.

I love hearing stories about your old girlfriends. Tell me more.

Let's just leave the toilet seat up all the time; then you won't have to mess with it anymore.

It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.

I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.

I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and scotch. You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya big silly!

[san]

alright boys.....one more thread for all that girl bashing

Girls, I asked yous not to read this. Did nt I? or is it just that u dont understand english?

Oi cheeky! Since when have women obeyed men? It's the other way round

[daisy]

i didnt read it



and you men dont read the following



HIS and HERS Road Trip



HERS:



Pulls off at wrong exit.



opens window



asks directions of a knowledgeable police officer



Arrives at destination presently.



HIS:



Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it's the correct one.



Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he's right.



Drives an extra 5 miles just in case.



Finally rolls down window just to get fresh air



Pulls up to a 7 -11



Gets three hot-dogs, a large slurpee, and beef jerky



Asks person behind counter how to get back onto the highway.



Gets back into car.



Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7-11.



Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because guy from 7-11 said it was.



Almost hits a deer



Curses the night



Curses you



Curses the large slurpee



Drives and fiddles with radio.



Yells at you for suggesting the map again



Admits he didn't want to go to Thanksgiving at your sister's anyway.



He hates your sister.



Ever since she called him a pernicious weasel



He had to look up pernicious.



Couldn't find a dictionary.



Finally found a dictionary



Couldn't spell pernicious.



Seethes at the memory of it all



But she is laughing inside...



And of course you're still lost.

[CtrlAltDel]

touche Daisy!





btw, i didnt read it

[daisy]

touche Daisy!


btw, i didnt read it

i have more of these if you dont want to read, i can post them

[Habitual Perfectionist]

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor?





Scroll down for answer.....





































































































































































The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke. Men keep scrolling.......







































































































































So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen.

[Habitual Perfectionist]

Yesterday, after extensive testing, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones... yes, it's true.



To prove their theory, the scientists had 100 men consume 12 bottles of beer.



They then observed that 100% of them:

1: Gained weight.

2: Talked excessively without making sense.

3: Became emotional.

4: Called home just to see if anyone called.

5: Couldn't drive.

6: Went to the bathroom in groups.

7: Rearranged the furniture for no apparent reason

[Habitual Perfectionist]

Q. Why did God give man a p****s?

A. So we'd have at least one way to shut a woman up!



Q. What are the small bumps around a woman's' nipples for?

A. Its Braille for "suck here."



Q. What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull?

A. Lipstick.



Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex?

A. They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.



Q. Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?

A. They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.



Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?

A. After 5 years your job will still suck.



Q. How is a women like a condom?

A. Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your _.

[Habitual Perfectionist]

1. Bikes don't pregnant.

2. You can ride your bike any time of the month.

3. Bikes don't have parents.

4. Bikes don't whine unless something is really wrong.

5. You can share your bikes with your friends.

6. Bikes don't care how many other bikes you've ridden.

7. When riding, you and your bike can arrive at the same time.

8. Bikes don't care how many other bikes you have now.

9. Bikes don't care if you look at other bikes.

10. Bikes don't care if you buy bike magazines.

11. You'll never hear, "Suprise, you're goning to own a new bike" unless you go out and buy one yourself.

12. If your bike goes flat, you can fix it.

13. If your bike is too loose, you can tighten it.

14. If your bike gets misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics with it.

15. You can have a black bike and bring it home to your parents.

16. You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your bike.

17. If you say bad things to your bike, you don't have to apologize before you ride it again.

18. You can ride your bike as long as you want and it wont get sore.

19. You can stop riding your bike as soon as you want and it wont get frustrated.

20. Your parents wont remain in touch with your old bike after you dump it.

21. Bikes don't get headaches.

22. Bikes don't insult you if you're a bad rider.

23. Your bike never wants a night out with other bikes.

24. Bikes don't care if you're late.

25. You don't have to take a shower before you ride your bike.

26. If your bike doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.

27. You can ride your bike the first time you meet it without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.

28. The only protection you need to wear when riding your bike is a decent helmet.

29. When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great ride you had the last time you were on your bike.

[Habitual Perfectionist]

Instructions for the guys:

1. Pull up to ATM

2. Insert Card

3. Enter PIN

4. Take cash, card and receipt

5. Drive away



Instructions for the Gals:

1. Pull up to ATM

2. Back up and pull forward to get closer

3. Shut off engine

4. Put keys in purse

5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine

6. Hunt for card in purse

7. Insert card

8. Hunt in purse for grocery receipt with PIN written on it

9. Enter PIN

10. Study instructions

11. Hit "CANCEL"

12. Re-enter correct PIN

13. Check balance

14. Look for envelope

15. Look in purse for pen

16. Make out deposit slip

17. Endorse checks

18. Make deposit

19. Study instructions

20. Make cash withdrawal

21. Get in car

22. Check makeup

23. Look for keys

24. Start car

25. Check makeup

26. Start pulling away

27. Stop

28. Back up to machine

29. Get out of car

30. Take card and receipt

31. Get back in car

32. Put card in wallet

33. Put receipt in checkbook

34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook

35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook

36. Check makeup

37. Put car in reverse

38. Put car in drive

39. Drive away from machine

40. Drive 3 miles

41. Release parking brake

[daisy]

NICKNAMES:If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.



GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a soda. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.



CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.



LAUNDRY: Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American Style."



OFFSPRING: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

[Bimbette]

A simple example of how internet can keep u happy.
here is another one


Put your money away, let me buy the round.
You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.

I read ur post Liz King, coz I have a sense of humour! Not that I need to justify that but still! Daisy, liked the stuff u posted



I've always insisted on paying my share most of the times when I've been out with friends and more than one of them has told me that I need to 'chill' in that dept. I think its bimbettish (yeah, yeah I'm a bundle of contradictions!) to let a guy pay all the time. Am earning, will pay.



And yeah I have admitted to getting cranky with friends.

[rock_26iin]

Dump your girlfriend, Go for a cup of coffee instead.....



A cup of Coffee never talks back at you

A cup of Coffee looks good even in the mornings

You'll never fall asleep after having a cup of coffee

Warming a cup of Coffee takes less efforts

Warming cup of Coffee is also much less cheaper

A cup of Coffee is out of your system by next morning

You can take even a black coffee to meet your parents

You can make a cup of Coffee as sweet as you want



Coffee tastes good even when it is absolutely cold

Coffee strains are easier to remove

Coffee is invariably ready in fifteen minutes or less

Coffee does not mind being grounded any time

You can easily reject a horrible cup of coffee



Coffee does not occupy half of your bed

Police does not question you for loitering with Coffee

You can easily order fresh Coffee

Your cup of Coffee does not get jealous of another cup

No matter how much your IQ, you can always get coffee

If you put chocolate in Coffee, it does not put on weight

All can love coffee at the same time

Coffee shall not take you to courts

[lizard king]

so the XX syndrome still prevails.



And Daisy, ur stuff was good... splly the driviing and missing dirctions... always happens to me, but then again...... a longer spin is more fun, unlike, waiting ata the ATM, going back and forth 10 times to get 10 bucks out as HP quoted.

[CtrlAltDel]

some FEMALE QUOTES:



1. I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb .... and I also know that I'm not blonde. -Dolly Parton-



2. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong-



3. I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. -Rita Rudner-



4. My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. -Rita Rudner-



5. I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. -Wendy Liebman-



6. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. -Erma Bombeck-



7. If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. -Sue Grafton-



8. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr-



9. I think-therefore I'm single. -Lizz Winstead-



10. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. -Elayne Boosler-



11. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson-



12. I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. -Gilda Radner-



13. In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher-



some advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -



15. Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. -Gloria Steinem-



16. I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband:- I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night -Marie Corelli-



17. Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths. anonymous



18. If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? -Linda Ellerbee-



19. I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor-



20. Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. -Eleanor Roosevelt-

[misuse_dowry_laws]

Women natural born liars: Study



http://www.despardes.com/lifestyle/dec0 ... s-dec4.htm



LONDON: According to a survey by That's Life magazine, women are very suspicious by nature and almost one woman in two has searched her husband's pockets or read his mobile telephone messages without his knowledge.

The poll of 5000 women, entitled the ‘National Scruples and Lies Survey’, claims that most women have "warped morals". The average age of the women polled was 38.



The survey shows that 94 per cent of women admit to lying like faking orgasms or pretending to love presents they really hate, according to a report in The Telegraph .



73 per cent women in the survey have also revealed that if they had an affair and became pregnant they would not tell their husband that the baby was someone else's.



Nearly a third of women have said that if they wanted a baby and their partner did not, they would lie about using contraception. A fifth checked her husband or partner's emails and one in 10 have even followed him to keep a check on him.



Seventy per cent of women have admitted that they get drunk at the office Christmas party, with a quarter flirting with their boss.



Ironically, only a quarter of women think that their partners have done the same to them. (ANI)

[BrownBoy]

some funny stuff in this thread..



i m surprised why the girls havent made a male bashing thread yet ,

we must be perfect

[CtrlAltDel]

i m surprised why the girls havent made a male bashing thread yet ,
we must be perfect

shhhhhhh...



dont give them ideas....

[misuse_dowry_laws]

:lol: some funny stuff in this thread..

i m surprised why the girls havent made a male bashing thread yet ,
we must be perfect

There are no dearth of male bashing sites in Internet.



I quote a small one here.

http://indiatogether.org/interact/2004/itr-000018.html



In that discussion.......



Posted by hxxxx on June 2, 2004 03:26 PM



Feminism to me in very simple terms is 'letting the women live her life exactly the way she wants to'. If she wants to abandon her children or her husband, then it is her choice, she should not be judged as a BAD woman for what she decides to do. And if needed there should also be help available if she needs it and asks for it. Feminism to me is a women should be able to live her life exactly the way she wants without being judged by the society.



(If children and husband are meant to be abandoned, then whats the necessity of marriage and having children ? Well, you may not get the point easily. Marriage is needed to claim maintenance(free money) from the "husband slave" after he and the children are dumped. I have not come across anybody who lived life exactly the way he wanted. Even Gods do not have life exactly the way they want. Moreover, help is also need to be provided by other lesser mortals for her to lead the life exactly the way she wants.)



If you want some more interesting discussions by young females against their mother-in-laws and husbands get to the link below.......Unfortunately the mother-in-laws are not yet that much tech savvy to have discussion groups on net. (Here as a bonus you may even get some new ideas for female bashing as well).



http://www.indiaparenting.com/boards/in ... ole_inlaws

[daisy]

i m surprised why the girls havent made a male bashing thread yet , we must be perfect

yeah right



these are for you



Q. What did God say after creating Adam

A. I must be able to do better than that.



Q. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?

A. Put the remote control between his toes.



Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm cells to fertilize one egg?

A. They won't stop to ask for directions.

[salamehyderabad]

i didnt read it

and you men dont read the following

HIS and HERS Road Trip

HERS:

Pulls off at wrong exit.

opens window

asks directions of a knowledgeable police officer

Arrives at destination presently.

HIS:

Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it's the correct one.

Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he's right.

Drives an extra 5 miles just in case.

Finally rolls down window just to get fresh air

Pulls up to a 7 -11

Gets three hot-dogs, a large slurpee, and beef jerky

Asks person behind counter how to get back onto the highway.

Gets back into car.

Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7-11.

Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because guy from 7-11 said it was.

Almost hits a deer

Curses the night

Curses you

Curses the large slurpee

Drives and fiddles with radio.

Yells at you for suggesting the map again

Admits he didn't want to go to Thanksgiving at your sister's anyway.

He hates your sister.

Ever since she called him a pernicious weasel

He had to look up pernicious.

Couldn't find a dictionary.

Finally found a dictionary

Couldn't spell pernicious.

Seethes at the memory of it all

But she is laughing inside...

And of course you're still lost.

HIS: We try firstly and then quit if unsuccessfull and then shout for help in the worst case.



HERS: yaal need help first hand....