How to become a politician?

[Kavita]

Hey people, there are lots of threads on s*e. Lets talk something else for a change.



Pour in you own ways, means, ideas. How should one plan a career in this field, how to make it big, etc.





P.S.: Neat humor is allowed, but not mindless spamming. Mind you I am very rude, I will treat you as spittoons if you go for mindless spamming.

[daisy]

nice thread kavita.



well... for beginners, can start as a street rowdy



good education and awarness of political/local situations wouldnt hurt

[3 T'z]

To become just a politician here... i think min. education,a Big name,lotsa corruption, n loooadz of good contacts r jst bout enuff 2 get ya thr..



but 2 become a good politicial...good educational background,social awareness , experience etc would make ya stand out..

[agonys_requiem]

Hey people, there are lots of threads on s*e. Lets talk something else for a change.

Pour in you own ways, means, ideas. How should one plan a career in this field, how to make it big, etc.


P.S.: Neat humor is allowed, but not mindless spamming. Mind you I am very rude, I will treat you as spittoons if you go for mindless spamming.

aite missy... lets have some of tht spit........ aint noway you gonna get outta here without givin some.... m waiting......



errr.. how do i pour in my means tho?? is it like meals ready at the local mess? meals mess means???

[akhilis2cool]

get a few FIRs registered against u for starters...

[CtrlAltDel]

a politician requires:



1) a thick skin



2) flexible spine for somersaults



3) good oratorial skills



the rest is taken care of by itself...



if u dont have all or any of the three above, having the correct surname helps...

[Sharjeel]

a politician requires:

1) a thick skin

2) flexible spine for somersaults

3) good oratorial skills

the rest is taken care of by itself...

if u dont have all or any of the three above, having the correct surname helps...

you forgot the sex-related offenses...

[Ar!e$]

a politician requires:

1) a thick skin

2) flexible spine for somersaults

3) good oratorial skills

the rest is taken care of by itself...

if u dont have all or any of the three above, having the correct surname helps...

you forgot the sex-related offenses...

[CtrlAltDel]

a politician requires:

1) a thick skin

2) flexible spine for somersaults

3) good oratorial skills

the rest is taken care of by itself...

if u dont have all or any of the three above, having the correct surname helps...

you forgot the sex-related offenses...

well...thats taken care of by the first two points!

[Sharjeel]

a politician requires:

1) a thick skin

2) flexible spine for somersaults

3) good oratorial skills

the rest is taken care of by itself...

if u dont have all or any of the three above, having the correct surname helps...

you forgot the sex-related offenses...

well...thats taken care of by the first two points!

rite!

[enigma]

Well if someone wants to make it big in politics then he/she should posses the below mentioned attributes.



Physical attributes



1. Politicians should have a huge belly because they have to end up eating the food of so many people of the country

2. Long sharp canines so that they can suck the blood from the anemic country

3. Sharp eyesight to identify the industralists who can fund their party

4. Clear nose to smell controversies and dangers ahead and plan out the escape route, well in advance

5. Clear speech to lie convincingly



Other inborn traits one should have are:



Heights of sensitivity: To indulge themselves in criminal and unlawful expenditure on wastefull occasions(optimum utilisation of public money).

Spending crores of rupees on birthdays and marriages when that amount should be spent on upliftment of the poor.



Heights of patriotism: We should sit and carry on with our business as usual even if the national anthem is playing.







A politician should be a person who sets an example in encouraging unemployment,joblessness,terrorism and illetracy.



So a person who can lie, be corrupt, greedy, insensitive, senseless, hungry, unpatriotic and selfish, and to top it all one must posses good dramatic skills too, and should be prepared to sell one's own consious, self respect and dignity.

[akhilis2ool]

Goodone enigma

that sums it up perfectly.

[mark]

best to first of all have a small private army. deploy them as peacekeepers in your village, maybe hire another small private army to occasionally start a small, localised war. call ceasefires occasionally, and make sure no civilians are killed in the fighting. try to keep everything above board, involve the UN at every stage in the proceedings.

after a while your village will become such a shithole the government wont want it as part of the country, this is when the fun begins. declare independence, offer huge tax breaks to large companys, dig for oil. get invaded by the US and remove yourself to a non extradition south american country. pay some people to miss you, and have them start a campaign to bring you back to power. at this stage someone will try and assassinate you, try to take this in the humourful way it's probably intended. you'll need to buy a few newspaper companies (preffabely all of them) ban televisions in your country, and the internet would have to be modified signifigantly to stop people talking behind your back. you would have to approve every page that any of your citizens would see personally. Google would have a little link to your email so people could apply persoanly when they want to view a new page, or send email. this will take up a large amount of your time, you may want to hire some scientists to research cloning, as your going to need a lot of yourself to rule for the next few thousand years. practice lieing on front of a mirror. when you believe yourself then you're good to go. promote animal welfare, to the level of it being obligatory that everyone provides proper accomodation for their pets, in large pallacial apartment blocks. champaigne for the dogs, pernoid for the cats, and a steady supply of chewy toys for all. set up pension plan that begins at 61, but instate a law making it obligatory for anyone over the age of 60 to be shot in the head. make an exception in the case of you and your family, after all you can;t be an efficent dictator if your in any way dead. no the real fun begins. get one of your private armies, and get it to start a war again with the other one (actually theres a good chance these people will be still fighting (probably for free at this stage, you won't even have to pay them!)) have your newspapers lable 1 group terrorists, and the other freedom fighters, and claim they really want the same thing, which is for the status quo to remain the same. celebrate "Me day", when your population will be forced to remain silent for 24 hours to show their appreciation for your rule. hire some people to break the silence, have them shot. have a test to find the dumbest person in your country, cook and eat him as an example to everyone. find the cleverist person and give them a licence to do whatever they want as long as it doesn't break any existing laws. pay someone to discover an new invention/concept and have it named after you. set up a royal family (best if this is the family of the stupid person you've already eaten, actually this could be a sort of consolation prize (sorry for eating your son, but you are now king sort of thing) hand over all power to the King, kill all who dissagree. Vow to stamp out corruption (do this every few weeks actually, people really like that) instruct the king to set up a large, beurocratic institution called The Institute for Time Pass. Your citizens will come here, and fill out forms for things. Ask them for redundent, useless information. burn all forms immediately after the citizens have filled them out. "accidently" burn some people too, pay the rest to keep quiet about them. right you're ready to recieve foreign diplomats now (these people will initially lable you a "rogue state" and may threaten nuclear warfare, pay them money until they treat you like a friend. pay them to threaten to nuke your enemys. pay your enemys to threaten to nuke your friends. get a team of scientists to research time travel, that'll come in very handy later on in your career. invent a new word each week, and make it obligatory for your population to say it as often as possible. people not using your new words will be paid money or shot until they do. next build your cabinet, try to include mostly dead people. when they start to smell, elect fresh ones. try to ensure happiness at this stage by threatening to wipe out everyone in the country if they don't cheer the _ up. they'll love you. get your newspapers to deny the existance of other countries (you'll have sealled your boarders naturally) sleep with the most famous person in your country (do this repeatly throughout your reign) pay them lots of money to make up lies about you then have them shot.

right you're ready for a cultural revolution. burn all historic monuments and have new ones made, identical to the old ones. outlaw talking for a few days, then recend it saying "the threat has passed"

laugh insanely all day long.



just remember

1. Gather Money, you'll need it to pay for the whole operation

2. Try to culture and air of enivitably and fatalism in your population

3. Lead by example

[Sharjeel]

nobody's gonig to read this anyway

:P

1. Gather Money, you'll need it to pay for the whole operation
2. Try to culture an air of enivitably and fatalism in your population
3. Lead by example

Hilarious!

[ycr007]

Can anyone Paraphrase Mark's answer??? Too lazy 2 read it



IMHO,The Ladies have a better chance of becoming Politicians than Men

They have the guile & ingenuity that goes with it





Better still,Marry a Top politician and then convince him 2 make u one too

[mark]

Can anyone Paraphrase Mark's answer??? Too lazy 2 read it

basically i meant to say if your going to be a politition you should check to see if you're nuts first (get yourself chacked out by a psycholigist) if you are insane, it's best to choose a different career.

[Kavita]

aite missy... lets have some of tht spit........ aint noway you gonna get outta here without givin some.... m waiting......

errr.. how do i pour in my means tho?? is it like meals ready at the local mess? meals mess means???

You havent done any spamming worth a spit. Will sure give you some when you do something worth it.



By 'pour in' I meant 'share' and by 'means' I was point to the way you think is a better way to become a successful politician.



If you have anything to say on topic, share it, it would be great to know.

[Kavita]

Becoming an actor and then switching to polics is another popular way.

[mark]

Becoming an actor and then switching to polics is another popular way.

starting to see a link between two of your threads