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URGENT: Personal message from Fatso

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URGENT: Personal message from Fatso

by DestroyerofWorlds » Wed May 15, 2013 4:22 am

How Fatso Destroyed the Known Universe (a short story)

It is midnight. In a small house in Typical City, Suburbia, a small drama is about to enfold. Me and my husband, having not made love in three weeks, are feeling deprived. We settle in for a three hour session of lovemaking. Finally unable to bear it any longer, we climax together.

Fatefully, something goes terribly wrong.

Maybe we have been listening to too much U2. ... But it's not a case of with or without you.

We both go together, with smiles on our faces. Black Widow and Widower, the headlines would have read. If it weren't for Fatso the Cat. ... In the last minute he wanders in. Taking in what has happened, he expires within moments of a terribly agonizing death, brought on by remorse and unrequited longing for a threeway, one he realizes he has missed his last chance on. The police, neighbors, relatives, try to break into the house, but it is days before he is found. By that time, his body has swelled up to 5 times its size, a huge, colossal bulk, blocking all exits and rapidly expanding.

As it spreads outward, it turns into a neutron star, then a supernova, then a black hole. Soon, his little brother, The Little Masked Wonder of the Hopeless Stupidity joins him. Which part of him is dumber, the black or white, the world will tragically never know. His single negative IQ brain cell, also a singularity. The two become a binary system and the dynamic duo rapidly engulf the known and unknown universe. They are seen on the edges of the Milky Way, overpowering the Horse Head Nebula with the sheer force of stupidity and corpulence, sweeping before them time, matter, and space. ...

Taking with them all life as we know it.

And that's how Fatso destroyed the Universe.

p.s. It was a stupid thing to do.
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