a good laugh to start the day..pls add some more folks!!

[cooldude]

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me.

My girlfriend ? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me.

That one thing was her younger sister.



My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me, and I got many a pleasant view. It had to be deliberate.

She never did it when she was near anyone else.



One day little sister calls and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she could not overcome and did not really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and commit my life to her sister.



I was in total shock and could not say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, & if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.



"I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go upstairs.

When she reached the top, she pulled down her clothes & threw them down the stairs at me.



I stood there for a moment, then turned & went straight to the front door. I opened the door & stepped out of the house & walked straight toward my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said,"We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"







...The moral of this story is :....



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Always keep your condoms in your car.

[Portuguese Man-Of-War]

After numerous rounds of, "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama decided to send George W. Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still afoot. Bush opened the letter and it appeared to

contain a coded message: 370HSSV-0773H Bush was baffled, so he typed it out and e-mailed it to the CIA. No one there could solve it so it went to the NSA and then to MIT and NASA and the Secret Service. Eventually, they asked Canada's RCMP for help. The RCMP cabled the White House: "Tell the President he is looking at the message upside down."

[Portuguese Man-Of-War]

The Dirtball Defense

Why science is a man's best friend

By Dave Barry

Sunday, November 30, 2003; Page W36





I like to think that I am a modest person.





There comes a time, however, when a person must toot his own personal horn, and for me, that time is now. A new book has confirmed a theory that I first proposed in 1987, in a column explaining why men are physically unqualified to do housework.



The problem, I argued, is that men -- because of a tragic genetic flaw -- cannot see dirt until there is enough of it to support agriculture. This puts men at a huge disadvantage against women, who can detect a single dirt molecule 20 feet away.



This is why a man and a woman can both be looking at the same bathroom commode, and the man -- hindered by Male Genetic Dirt Blindness (MGDB) -- will perceive the commode surface as being clean enough for heart surgery or even meat slicing; whereas the woman can't even see the commode, only a teeming, commode-shaped swarm of bacteria. A woman can spend two hours cleaning a toothbrush holder and still not be totally satisfied; whereas if you ask a man to clean the entire New York City subway system, he'll go down there with a bottle of Windex and a single paper towel, then emerge 25 minutes later, weary but satisfied with a job well done.



When I wrote about Male Genetic Dirt Blindness, many irate readers

complained that I was engaging in sexist stereotyping, as well as making lame excuses for the fact that men are lazy pigs. All of these irate readers belonged to a gender that I will not identify here, other than to say: Guess what, ladies? There is now scientific proof that I was right.



This proof appears in a new book titled What Could He Be Thinking? How a Man's Mind Really Works. I have not personally read this book, because, as a journalist, I am too busy writing about it. But according to an article by Reuters, the book states that a man's brain "takes in less sensory detail than a woman's, so he doesn't see or even feel the dust and household mess in the same way." Got that? We can't see or feel the mess! We're like: "What snow tires in the dining room? Oh, those snow tires in the dining room."



And this is only one of the differences between men's and women's brains. Another difference involves a brain part called the "cingulate gyrus," which is the sector where emotions are located. The Reuters article does not describe the cingulate gyrus, but presumably in women it is a structure the size of a mature cantaloupe, containing a vast quantity of complex, endlessly recalibrated emotional data involving hundreds, perhaps thousands of human relationships; whereas in men it is basically a cashew filled with NFL highlights.



In any event, it turns out that women's brains secrete more of the chemicals "oxytocin" and "serotonin," which, according to biologists, cause humans to feel they have an inadequate supply of shoes.



No, seriously, these chemicals cause humans to want to bond with other humans, which is why women like to share their feelings. Some women and here I am referring to my wife) can share as many as three days' worth of feelings about an event that took eight seconds to actually happen.



We men, on the other hand, are reluctant to share our feelings, in large part because we often don't have any. Really. Ask any guy: A lot of the time, when we look like we're thinking, we just have this low-level humming sound in our brains. That's why, in male-female conversations,

the male part often consists entirely of him going "hmmmm." This frustrates the woman, who wants to know what he's really thinking. In fact, what he's thinking is, literally, "hmmmm."



So anyway, according to the Reuters article, when a man, instead of sharing feelings with his mate, chooses to lie on the sofa, holding the remote control and monitoring 750 television programs simultaneously by changing the channel every one-half second (pausing slightly longer for programs that feature touchdowns, fighting, shooting, car crashes or bosoms), his mate should not come to the mistaken conclusion that he is an insensitive jerk. In fact, he is responding to scientific biological brain chemicals that require him to behave this way for scientific reasons, as detailed in the scientific book What Could He Be Thinking? How a Man's Mind Really Works, which I frankly cannot recommend highly enough.



In conclusion, no way was that pass interference.

[Sri]

With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said,"We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"



...The moral of this story is :....

Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks Cool.

For making me laugh (heartfelt) after long long time

My Blues are Shattering

[Sri]

Tell the President he is looking at the message upside down."

HELLO ASS HOLE



Nice