Humor...or something like it.

[CtrlAltDel]

A man visits his doctor. "I think I have a problem, doc," said the patient. "One of my balls has turned blue."



The doctor examined the man briefly and concluded the patient would die if they didn`t have his testicle removed.



"Are you crazy?!" exclaimed the patient, "How could I let you do such a thing to me?"



"Do you want to die?", asked the doctor rhetorically, and the patient had to agree to have his testicle removed. But two weeks after the operation, he came back.



"Doc, I don`t know how to say this, but the other ball has turned blue too."



Again, the doctor told him that if he wants to live, his other testicle must be cut off too. And again, the man was very reluctant.



"Hey, do you want to die?", asked the doc, and the patient had to agree to the operation.



But, about two weeks after he is testicleless, he returned to the doctor.



"I think something is very wrong with me. My penis is now completely blue."



After briefly examining the patient once again, the doc gives him the bad news. If he wants to live, his penis has to go. Of course, he did not want to hear about it. "You really want to die?", asked the doctor.



"But... how do I pee?"



"We`ll install an plastic pipe, and there will be no problem."



So, the penis is removed and a while after the operation, the unfortunate man again returns the doctor`s office. He is very angry.



"Doctor, the plastic pipe turned blue."



"What?"



"Can you tell me what the hell is happening?"



So, the doctor examined the patient more carefully this time, and says, "Hmmmm, I think your jeans is losing colour......"

[LP]

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

*she studied for a blood test.

*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

[LP]

A Love Letter worth reading...





My dear FAIR and LOVELY (ek chand ka tukda), you

are my TVS SCOOTY (first love) and my AIWA (pure

passion ).I always BPL (believe in the best) and you

are SANSUI( better than the best).You are DOMINO'S

PIZZA (delivering a million smiles ) for me.This is

a COLGATE ENERGY GEL (seriously fresh) feeling for

me. I want you to be my life partner but I think you

are worried about your father who is KAWASAKI BAJAJ

CALIBER (the unshakable) and my father who is CEAT

(born tough), but don't worry as I am also FORD

ICON (The josh machine)and rest of our family members

are pretty KELVINATORS (the coolest ones). If our

fathers say no, we will run away and marry, and

PHILIPS (let's make things better).They will feel

MIRINDA (zor ka jhatka dhire se lage ) but I believe

in COCA-COLA (jo chahe ho jaye). Trust in God who's

always NOKIA (connecting people) who love each other.

And do not forget that we are WILLS (made for each

other). Now that HYUNDAI (we are listening) the song

of love,you must know that

love is DAIRY MILK (real taste of life ), SATYAM

ONLINE (fun fast easy) and PARX (always

comfortable).So never forget me.

Ok bye!



I wrote little but actually PEPSI ( yeh dil mange

more)!!.



Yours



LG (digitally yours).

[rock_26iin]

Musharaff And His Ass



Musharraf wanted to raise money for his country and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However at the local auction, the going price for a horse was far too high and he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had the donkey, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races.



To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper headlined



MUSHARRAF'S ASS SHOWS.



Musharraf was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read:



MUSHARRAF'S ASS OUT IN FRONT.



His wife was so upset with this kind of publicity that she ordered Mian Musharraf not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read:



WIFE SCRATCHES MUSHARRAF'S ASS



This was too much for wife. So she ordered Musharraf to get rid of the donkey. Musharraf decided to give it to Benazir. The paper headline the next day read:



BENAZIR TAKES MUSHARRAF'S ASS.



Followed by another on the next day:



NOW BENAZIR HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.



All the opposition leaders got very upset at this kind of publicity. They informed Benazir that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for Rs.500. Next day the headline read:



BENAZIR SELLS HER ASS FOR Rs. 500



This was too much for the veteran opposition leader, Nawabzada Nasrullah Khan, so he ordered Benazir to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains. where it could run wild and free. Next day, the headline in the paper read:



BENAZIR ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.



The Nawabzada died on reading this and was buried the next day and Pakistan got rid of the biggest Ass it had produced in the bargain.

[CtrlAltDel]

A sadistic whale and his soft hearted girl friend were swimming around when they spotted a small navy boat.

the male says "hey...look at that boat. lets go under it and use our blow hole to overturn it..."

the female says "no...i am not interested..."

the male: "c'mon honey, it'll be fun...wud just take a few minutes..."



the female reluctantly agrees and they slip under the boat. they blow hard with their blow holes and succeed in overturning the boat. the sailers start swimming desparately.



the male turns to the female with an evil grin and says "i got a better idea, we go n gobble up those people..."



the female shouts "look, i agreed to blow, but i am NOT swallowing any sea-men..."

[Stingrae]

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.



After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.



After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he’s found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says, “It looks like you blew a seal.”



“No, no,” the penguin replies, “it’s just ice cream.“

[akhilis2cool]

My friend got this email which i thot i shld paste here.......

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it.)



If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is

produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's more like it!)



The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out

to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

(O.M.G.!)



A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)



A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to

death. (Creepy.)

(I'm still not over the pig.)



Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.)



The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")



The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

(30 minutes... lucky pig... can you imagine??)



The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)



Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)



Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know.)



The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm........)



Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer

than left-handed people.

(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)



Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

(OK, so that would be a good thing....)



A cat's urine glows under a black light.

(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)



An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)



Starfish have no brains.

(I know some people like that too.)



Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)



Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for

pleasure.

(What about that pig??)

!

[Ajju]

Actually i got this as a comic strip... but here's the story anyway:

A bear is chasing a rabbit in the midst of a thick forest... A frog stops them and offers three wishes to each if they stop running around interrupting the peace of the forest. they agree and the bear goes first, "i want all the bears except me to be females"

frog:'Granted!"

rabbit:i want a helmet and a pair of gud strong boots

frog:'Granted!"

bear:"I want all the bears in this country except myself to be females"

frog:'Granted!"

Rabbit:"i want a very powerful bike"

frog:'Granted!"

bear:(now drooling very heavily)"I want all the bears except myself to be hot bears!!!"

frog:'Granted! you are now the only male bear in the entire world!!!"

Rabbit:(racing away)"Make that bear homosexual!!!"

frog:'Granted!"

[akhilis2cool]

Make that bear homosexual!!!"
frog:'Granted!"

ROFLMAO

[BM]

Musafir: Kya mei bus mei cigrete pi sakta hoon.



Conductor: Ji nahi - bus mei cigrete pina manah hei.



Musafir: Toh phir yeh cigreton kei tukRe kaha sei aaye.



Conductor: Yeh in logon ne phenke hei jinho nei aapki tarha pucha nahi tha

[BM]

Tang aaker ek shaks nei hamsaya kei bete ko bulaker kaha tum log apne us gadhe ko bech kyon nahi dete jo raat kei waqt aap kei walid kei kamre mei ghus ker shor machana shuru ker deta hei. Hamara toh deemag chat leta hei. Kya tumhare baap us waqt kamre mei nahi hote.



Yeh sun ker bache nei muskuratei huwe jawab diya: Ji nahi janab gadha toh apni jagah per maze sei khurrate bharta hei. Kamre mei toh abbu gane ki mashak kerte hein.

[BM]

Ek magroor shaks sei ek ghareeb doast nei jo barson baad usse mila tha pucha - kya tum ne mujhe nahi phechana.



Magroor doast nei jawab diya: Mei gadhon ko nahi phechanta.



Us per ghareeb doast nei berjista kaha "lekin mein phechanta hoon.

[BM]

Shoher: Mujhe tang na karo mere deemag mei aag lagi hei.



Bivi: Tabhi toh mei kheti hoon kei uple jalne ki mahek kahan sei aara hi hei.

[BM]

Musafir: Suna hei aapke hotel mei machar aur khatmal bahot hein.



Malik: Ji haan - shaher ka sab sei sasta hotel hone ki wajeh sei her koyi yahaan aata hei.

[BM]

Master: Hamed mei paRha raha tha toh tum batein ker rahe thei.



Hamed: Nahi sir aapko ghalat fehmi ho rahi hei, mei neend mei batein nahi kerta.

[BM]

Pitaji aap bail sei dherte hein.



Nahi beta.



Aur saanp sei, isse bhi nahi.



Phir aap kis sei dherte hein.



Sirf teri maa sei.

[BM]

Shoher: Zara kursi la doh, mujhe neend aarahi hei.



Biwi: Toh palang per soiye.



Shoher: Mujhe dafter mei kursi per sone ki aadaat hei.

[BM]

Ek ganja (dusre ganje sei) Kya aapki bachpna ki koyi aarzoo puri huwi?



Dusra: Haan - jab bachpan mei ammi mere baal khichan kerti thi toh mei aarzoo kerta tha kei kaash mere sir per baal na hote.

[BM]

Ek khatoon nei phal farosh ki dukaan per jaker phal farosh sei shikayat ki kei tum ne mere bete sei doh seir kei paise liye, mager jab mei unhe tola toh toh sir ek sair nikle.



Dukandaar nei baRhi itmenaan sei muskura ker jawab diya mohatrama aap ney apne bete ka wazan bhi kiya hei.

[BM]

Ek aurat (sabzi farosh sei) ager yeh sabzi achi na huwi toh paki pakaiye tumhare pass lei aawoongi.



Sabzi farosh (aurat sei) ager ho sake toh rotiyaan bhi apne saat lei aana.

[BM]

Ek aadmi bazaar sei guzer raha tha. Kisi dukan per rakhi huwi ek tasveer use bahot pasand aayi. Tasveer kisi bahadur ki thi. Isne dukandaar sei khimat puchi. Dukandaar nei bataya: Pachaas rupiye. Is aadmi kei pass doh rupiye kam thei, dusre din woh phir us dukaan per phoncha toh maloom huwa kei tasveer bik chuki hei. Ek din woh shaks apne doast kei gher gaya. Wohi tasveer usse wahan samne nazar aayi. Us nei doast sei pucha yeh tasveer kis ki hei? Doast nei kaha: Hamare buzrug ki. Woh aadmi aah bher ker khene laga: Doh rupiye kham paR gaye thei, werna yeh hamare buzrug hote.

[rock_26iin]

Bihar Driving License...

================================================================

DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM

-----------------------------------------------------------------





NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter.

He will give you the licen.



For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.





1. Last name:



(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dot no



(Check karet box)



2. First name:



(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dot no



(Check karet box)



3. Age:



(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dot no



(Check karet box)



4. Sex: ____ M _____ P(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable



5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right



6.Occupason:



(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed



(Check karet box)



7. Number of children libing in the household: ___



8. Number that are yours: ___



9. Mather name: _______________________



10. Phather Name: ____________________ (If not no,leave blank)



11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)



12. Dental rekard:



(_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other -__________ Give egjhakt color



(Check karet box)



13.Your thumb imparesson :

____________________________



(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy thumb impression also. Please

provide your own thumb impression.)



PELEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS



Use thumb on your lepht hand only. If you dont have lepht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.



NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE.



WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS



==============================================================

[BM]

Bihar Driving License...
================================================================
DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM
-----------------------------------------------------------------

Good one rock

[rock_26iin]

Good one rock

Thank you. I'll admit i didnt write it (as if u didnt know it already ). Got it in a mail and thought it was worth this board

[Ajju]

An old couple sitting at a bar, are re-living memories of their jawani. the man says,"remeber the fence behind this bar where I gave u one from behind?? do u want to do it another time... for old times sake???"

the old lady agrees and they both walk out. A young man overhearing their conversation decides to take a peek. at the fence, they strip and the old man grabs the woman's hips and she reaches for the fence. wat follows is 40 min. of the most athletic sex the man has ever seen. the old man is banging away at old lady at a pace that can only be described as phenomenal. limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur and they do not stop for a second. Finally they collapse and dont move for an hour.

the stunned man had never seen anything like dat b4. he decides to find out the secret behind their vitality and musters up courage to approach them. in the meanwhile they recover and dress themselves.

the young man says,"Sir, in all my life i have never seen anyone do it like that before, particularly at your age. wats ure secret?? cud u do it like that 50 yrs ago?"

To his the old man replies,"Son, 50 years ago that f***king fence wasnt electrified."