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Cost for marriage

by Chahat » Tue Jan 23, 2007 11:45 am

A boy says to his father:



"Dad, how much does it cost to get married?

I don't know my son, I am still paying!"



----------

- Chahat



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Happy birthday for the one year old bill.

by Chahat » Thu Jan 25, 2007 11:30 am

A lawyer sent an overdue bill to a client,

Attaching a note which said "this bill is one year old".

By return mail, the lawyer had his bill back.



To it was attached another note: "happy birthday !"



----------

- Chahat



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Tense

by Chahat » Fri Jan 26, 2007 11:49 am

A very old lady teacher of English ask this question with the class:



When I say "I am beautiful", which tense is it?



One pupil anwers: It's the past of course.



----------

- Chahat



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Take him to the zoo.

by Chahat » Sun Jan 28, 2007 1:19 pm

A couple was walking in the street the suddenly he found a penguin .The woman asked what they could do with it,her husband answered that they could ask a policeman.This latter said:

Well.you can take him to the zoo.

Two days later,the policeman met them in the street with the penguin.

He said: told you to take it to the zoo.



The woman answered:

Yes, we did we took him to the zoo, to the muSeum and tonight we are going to take it to the restaurant.

What a lucky penguin.



----------

- Chahat



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Dancing like a camel.

by itschahat » Thu Feb 01, 2007 11:43 am

It was in evening party, where persons were invited to dance.

A woman choose a partner and while dancing, the man told her that he seems to be in the desert (as he was fascinate by the lady).



The lady answers that she noticed that he was dancing like a camel.



----------

- Chahat



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Buy a tie and drink water

by itschahat » Fri Feb 02, 2007 1:06 pm

There's this man and his travelling across the desert, and he suddenly finds he hasn't got any water left. So his starting to get worried, and his very thirsty, but luckily, a man comes towards him on a camel.

So he said to the man, ' I'm thirsty. Have you got any water?' and the other man says, ' No, I haven't, but I've got a wonderful selection of ties. Would you like to by one?'So the other man says, 'No , of course not!' and man rides away on his camel.

After about another hour or two, he's desperately thirsty and he sees a beautiful 5-star hotel. So he slowly goes up the steps, crying ' water! water!' and the hotel manager says, "I'm sorry, sir. You can't come in here without tie."



----------

- Chahat



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A true football fan.

by Chahat » Sun Feb 04, 2007 11:46 am

A young man was watching football. He noticed an empty seat in front of him. It was a better seat than his. At half-time he went down to the empty seat. He asked the old man sitting next to the empty one is it ok if i sit here?

No problem, said the old man. It was my wife’s seat, but she’s dead. We’ve been to every home match together for 40 years, and always had these two seats.

A tear rolled down the old man’s cheek.

Don’t you have a friend, or someone from your family, who’d come with you? The young man asked, gently.

The old man wiped his eyes and said yes, but not today. They are all at my wife’s funeral.



----------

- Chahat



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Best way to see flying saucers

by itschahat » Mon Feb 05, 2007 1:54 pm

I asked my uncle if he knew the best way to see flying saucers.

He said, "Yes, pinch the waitress."



----------

- Chahat



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Rabbit and the bear in a same den

by Chahat » Thu Feb 08, 2007 12:37 pm

Once upon a time, there were two friends living in one common den - a bear and a rabbit. The rabbit, unlike his friend, was a very ardent party-goer, and every time he came back home at dead of night, the bear would beat him up. One day, the rabbit begged the bear:

Please don't beat me at least this once when i am back late at night, plese please, bear!

Well, ok.

Next morning, the rabbit wakes up and realizes that his ear is half torn, his coat is ragged, he has a black eye and his whole little body aches badly. Embittered, he hobbles towards the bear and, nearly crying, he asks:

You promised... Why did you do it, bear?

You came back, at first you called me a fat faggot and a moron, i was just about to whack you, but i thought: i promised.

Then you started to insult my girlfriend... I thought: i primised... And i bore it.

Then you started cursing my mummy... But somehow, i restrained myself even then...

But when you shitted on my bed, sticked some crayons into the shit and announced that a hedgehog was staying overnight, i lost my temper!



----------

- Chahat



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Which organ is in charge in human body?

by Chahat » Fri Feb 09, 2007 11:36 am

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.



The brain said: "i should be in charge, because i run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."



"I should be in charge," said the heart, "because i pump the blood and circulate oxygen all over the body, so without me you'd all waste away."



"I should be in charge," said the stomach, "because i process food and give all of you energy."



"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "because i'm responsible for waste removal."



All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss.



----------

- Chahat



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Divorce

by Chahat » Sun Feb 11, 2007 1:10 pm

A man and his wife were eating dinner in an expensive restaurant when young beautiful women approached and kissed him on the mouth,

She said to him "see you later" and came out.

The wife shouted:

- Who was she?

- She is my mistress.

- What? ... I want a divorce!

- Ok. I agree. But you must know that you wouldn' have a mercedes in your garage, you wouldn't spend your holidays in hot countries and you wouldn't go shopping in paris.



At the same time their friend karol came in to the restaurant with a young woman.

- Who is that woman with karol ? - Asked wife

- She is his mistress.

- Really? ... Ours is more interesting - said the wife.



----------

- Chahat



Watch these SECRET PHOTOS captured after a WILD PARTY.

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More answering machine answers..

by Chahat » Mon Feb 12, 2007 11:20 am

Actual answering machine messages recorded and verified by the world famous international institute of answering machine answers:

1.) My wife and i can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished washing dishes.



2.) A is for academics, b is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.



3.) Hi, this is john: if you are the phone company, i already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, i have plenty of money.



4.) Hi. Now you say something.



5.) Hi, i'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.



6.) Hello. I am david's answering machine. What are you?



7.) Hello! If you leave a message, i"ll call you soon. If you leave a sexy message, i'll call sooner.



8.) Hi, john's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.... Please speak very slowly while i write down the message and i'll stick it to myself with one of these magnets.



9.) Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.



10.) This is not an answering machine-this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where i can reach you, and i'll think about returning your call.



11.) Hi. I am probably home, i'm just avoiding someone i don't like. Leave a message and if i don't call back, it's you.



12.) Hi, this is george. I'm sorry i can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait by your phone until i call you back.



13.) If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message.



14.) Hello, you've reached jim and carol. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Carol likes doing it up and down, and i like doing it left to right... Real slowly. So leave a message and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.



----------

- Chahat



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At first Make sure he is dead.

by itschahat » Wed Feb 14, 2007 12:54 pm

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.

He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "my friend is dead! What can i do?" The operator says: "calm down, i can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."



There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the guy says: "Ok, now what?"



----------

- Chahat



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I know the password.

by Chahat » Fri Feb 16, 2007 11:44 am

While my friend was tapping away on his home computer, his ten-year-old daughter sneaked up behind him.

Then she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family,

"I know daddy's password! I know daddy's password!"

"What is it? Her sisters asked eagerly.

Proudly she replied, "asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"



----------

- Chahat



Women are impossible to please

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Its not a joke, its a wonderful story about love.

by Chahat » Sun Feb 18, 2007 12:04 pm

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."



"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.

"No", she replied. "He's out."

"Then we cannot come in", they replied.

In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.

"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"

The woman went out and invited the men in"

" We do not go into a House together," they replied.

"Why is that?" she asked.



One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."



The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How n ice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"

His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"



Their daughter was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"

"Let us head our daughter's advice," said the husband to his wife.

"Go out and invite Love to be our guest ."

The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest."

Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, t he lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?"



The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success."



----------

- Chahat



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We cant get married!!!!

by Chahat » Mon Feb 19, 2007 11:57 am

Boy : I dont think we can be a couple.

Girl : Why, did you met my Father?

boy : No, I met your sister.



----------

- Chahat



Women are impossible to please

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How is the taste of three-leged chicken?

by Chahat » Wed Feb 21, 2007 1:32 pm

A man was driving down a country road one day at 45 miles per hour when suddenly he noticed a 3-legged chicken running at the same speed beside his truck.



Though he thought this odd, the man decided to speed up so he wouldn't cause an accident with the chicken.

The man sped up to 55 miles per hour, but low and behold, so did the 3-legged chicken.



The man then sped up to 65 miles per hour only to again be equaled in speed by the 3-legged chicken.

As the man watched in amazement, the chicken suddenly made a sharp left turn and took off down a side road toward a small farm.



The man quickly also made the left turn and followed the chicken to the small farm, parking out front.



Looking around the man found the farmer around back in the midst of many 3-legged chickens.



After greeting the farmer, the man asked him why he was raising 3-legged chickens.



"Well we figure," said the farmer, "That with an average family of 3 people, only 2 can have a chicken leg with an average chicken. But with a three legged chicken, each member of the family can enjoy a chicken leg of their own."



"That's pretty wise," said the man, who then asked "well how do your 3-legged chickens taste?"



"I don't know," said the farmer. "We've never been able to catch one."



----------

- Chahat



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Eating my Popcorn

by Chahat » Thu Feb 22, 2007 10:37 am

An old farmer went to town to see a movie.



The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"



The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes."



"I'm sorry sir.", said the ticket agent, "We don't allow animals in the theater."



The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater.



He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.



The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie.



"Marge", whispered Mildred.



"What", said Marge.



"I think this guy next to me is a pervert.", said Mildred.



"What makes you think that", asked Marge.



"He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out", whispered Mildred.



"Well, don't worry about it", said Marge, "At our age we've seen them all."



"I thought so", said Mildred, "But this one is eating my popcorn."



----------

- Chahat



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Ducks Humor

by Chahat » Fri Feb 23, 2007 12:07 pm

A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"



The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.



The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"



Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.



The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!''



The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?"



Confused, the bartenders says no.



''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes?''



----------

- Chahat



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Ant and elephant's romance

by Chahat » Mon Feb 26, 2007 12:57 pm

An ant and an elephant share a night of romance.



The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.



"Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"



----------

- Chahat



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Purchasing a turkey

by Chahat » Tue Feb 27, 2007 2:46 pm

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.



She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"



The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."



----------

- Chahat



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Cause of being of a lawer in old age!!!

by Chahat » Thu Mar 01, 2007 11:01 am

An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he

called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is

it or the express degree you told me about?"



"It's $50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon,

why do you want to become a lawyer?"



"That's my business! Get me the course!"



Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer

was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid.



Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and

it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the

lawyer leaned over and said, "please, before it's too late,

tell me why you wanted to to get a law degree so badly before

you died?"



In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said,

"One less lawyer..."



----------

- Chahat



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by Chotee » Thu Mar 01, 2007 12:44 pm

Hamar Bharat ka Rail mantri kahta hu, jokwa bhi karoo tu Bihari ma ji !!!



Jack n Jill (Seeda Bihar se . . .)



Jackwa aur Jillwa,

Gaye upar Hillwa,

Paani bhari ke waaste,

Jackwa gir gawa,

Uka khopadiya phoot gawa,

Aur Jillwa awat loodken poore raaste.



- Bihari Babu
"It's all purchased by blood"
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Grandma and grandfather in trouble.

by Chahat » Fri Mar 02, 2007 10:54 am

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.



When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.



The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching tv, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "where are you going?" He replied, "to the kitchen." She asked, "will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He replied, "sure." She then asked him, "don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" He said, "no, i can remember that."



She then said, "well i would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because i know you'll forget that." He said, "i can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." She replied, "well i also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."



With irritation in his voice, he said, "i don't need to write that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily: "i told you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"



----------

- Chahat



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by Chotee » Sat Mar 03, 2007 1:44 pm

Nennu ye sari CM padiwe ki uste, anni Bollywood movies ne IT names to release chaipistan anni taliya chaiskuntunnano . . .



Pramukhanga ivvi konni possible names marri Bills Gate consultation tu nennu miku ippudu chappapotunnano....



Munna Bhi MCSE

Kal MSN Ho Na Ho

Love in mIRC

Tere Nick

ID Mil Gaya

Chat tu Kero

Ek Programmer Thi

Yeh Hack Horaha Hai

Hum Pyar PC Se Kar Baithe

Network Ke Us Paar

Meri Disc Tumhare Paas Hai

Aao Chat Kare

C++ Wale Job Le Jayenge

Programmer No.1

Mera Naam Developer

Hum Apke Memory Mein Rahate Hein

Do Processor, Baarah Terminal

Tera Code Chal Gaya

Har Din Jo Mail Karega

Debugging Koi Khel Nahi

Jish Desh Mein Bill Gates Rehatha Hai

Raju Ban Gaya MCSE ..!

Client Ek Numbari, C ++Programmer Dus Numbari

Login Karo Sajana

Naukar PC Ka

1942 -- A Bug Story

Kaho Na Virus Hai

Crash Se Crash Tak

Haan Meine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai

Shaheed Hacker Singh

Password De Ke Dekho

Terminal Apna , Login Parayi

Mr. Network Lal

Terminal Sajaake Rakhna

Hackers Ka Raja, Debuggers Ki Rani

Kyonki Mein Debug Nahin Kartha

Phir Theri Java-script Yaad Aayi

Hang To Hona Hi Tha !!!!!!!!!!!!



Ma agenda lu pramukhanga, mi ku nachutai anni ashisto ....



- Itlu mee Babuu (The Man On Fire)
"It's all purchased by blood"
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