Comedy Club

by **mrk** » Sat Jul 26, 2003 5:10 pm

I am Thanking all the participants now our comedy club has reached upto 25 postings means it has made its quartercentury. I hope next half century to come-in.

by **mrk** » Mon Jul 28, 2003 12:04 pm

Adding to the above - At one spot two men were discussing about sex - one said "hey I had scored 15 and waiting to make it 25". Then the otherone said, even I'm interested in having/making sex score but what can I do if my useless bat is not permitting me to do?

by **Smocking Rock** » Mon Jul 28, 2003 11:00 pm

A young blonde comes home from school and asks her mother,
 \"Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies come out of
 the same place where boys put their thingies?\" 
 
 \"Yes, dear,\" replied her mother, pleased that the subject had finally
 come up and she wouldn\'t have to explain it. 
 
 \"But then when I have a baby, won\'t it knock my teeth out?\"

by **BeerYanni** » Mon Jul 28, 2003 11:22 pm

ROFWL.........
 
 cant pick myself up from the flllloooorr.....oh mannnnnnn.....lol ...heheheheheheh

by **mrk** » Tue Jul 29, 2003 4:54 pm

In office both colleagues were discussing about sex. One colleague asks other you are having a good wife then why are indulging in the sex with others. He replies to him daily eating one sought of curry is not a good taste. Likewise indulging with one is not a good life.

by **Anil** » Wed Jul 30, 2003 4:12 am

Things you don\'t want to hear during surgery:
 1. Better save that. We\'ll need it for the autopsy.
 2. \"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness.\"
 3. Tommy! Come back with that. Bad dog!
 4. Wait a minute, if this is his liver, then what\'s that?
 5. Hand me that... uh... that uh... that red-tomato like thing.
 6. Oh no! Where\'s my Rolex.
 7. There go the lights again?
 8. \"You know, there\'s lots of money in kidneys? and this guy\'s got two of them.\"
 9. Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
 10. Could you stop that thing from beating; it\'s throwing off my concentration.
 11. What\'s this doing here?
 12. I hate it when they\'re missing stuff in here.
 13. That\'s cool. Now can you make his leg twitch by pressing that one?!
 14. Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
 15. OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
 16. Don\'t worry. I think it is sharp enough.
 17. Oh no! Page 33 of the manual is missing!
 (Source: Some site from the net)

by **Anil** » Wed Jul 30, 2003 4:17 am

Here\'s two more (a little bawdy... but I guess not offensive) ;-)

Three engineering students were discussing the
 possible designers of the human body.
 
 One said, \"It had to be a mechanical engineer, look at
 all the joints.\"
 
 Another said, \"No, it had to be an electrical
 engineer, the nervous system is just a marvel of
 millions of electrical connections.\"
 
 The third said, \"Actually, it was a civil engineer.
 Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline right
 through a recreational area?\"
 **************************************************
 Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and
 bodily dysfunctions.
 
 One sixty-five year old man says, \"I have this
 problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes
 me twenty minutes to pee.\"
 
 The seventy year old man says, \"My case is worse. I
 get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan
 for half an hour before I finally have a bowel
 movement.\"
 
 The eighty year old man says, \"At seven I pee like a
 horse, at eight I crap like a cow.\"
 
 \"So what\'s your problem then?\" asked the others.
 
 \"I don\'t wake up until nine.\"
 **************************************************
 (Source: Again from some site on the net)

by **mrk** » Wed Jul 30, 2003 1:43 pm

What I am saying is a real incident, just believe me... Last night it was Amavasya. At 2.30AM, I had sexual contact with a beautiful woman. But it was a dream, and when I woke up the beautiful woman was missing. I understood that it was fine dream. But I am worried that since it was an Amavasya night, perhaps the beautiful woman who approached me in my dream was a devil.

by **vivek** » Wed Jul 30, 2003 2:49 pm

Hee hee, you and your dreams! Man, why would a beautiful lady come during Amavasya?! Anyway, two sardars are walking opposite to each other, and one of them is wearing his turban frontside back. The other sardar asks, \"Oye, tu aa raha hai ya ja raha hai?\"

by **Faheem** » Wed Jul 30, 2003 10:44 pm

Now don\'t get me started with Sardar Jokes! one of my best friend (A Sardarji) told me this one.
 
 A sardar cab driver picks up an Indian family from JFK NY airport and is driving towards destination, he approches a traffic light which is red but Sardarji just doesn\'s stop and casually drives through the red light, alarmed at this the passenger ask him, why the hell you didn\'t stop at red light? Sardarji replies, Oye, ham Sardar hai red light pe nahi rukhte! By then he approaches another intersection and this time its green and noticing green Sardar slams his brakes, his car skids and finally stops at the intersection. Confused passengers enquire \"Why the hell you stopped at green light? Sardar replies, Kya pata doosre taraph koi sardar ja raha ho to?

by **Faheem** » Wed Jul 30, 2003 10:46 pm

What\'s up with Sardar friends telling us Sardar Jokes? do you have Sardar friends telling you sardar jokes? I find it very humorous!

by **Anil** » Thu Jul 31, 2003 4:21 am

Well, these were not said by any Sardar (and unconditional apologies at the outset - nothing personal here):
 
----------------------------------------
 
An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called
 
upon to test a lie detector .
 
The Englishman says: \"I think I can empty 20 bottles
 
of beer\".
 
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
 
\"Ok\", he says, \"10 bottles\".
 
And the machine is silent.
 
The American says: \"I think I can eat 15 hamburgers\".
 
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
 
\"All right, 8 hamburgers\".
 
And the machine\'s silent.
 
The Sardarji says: \"I think...\", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.
 
----------------------------------------
 
Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out.
 
His friends asked him how he did his examination. He replied: Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, and thought, and thought... and at last I wrote THUNK !!!

by **Anil** » Thu Jul 31, 2003 4:24 am

And here\'s something about our star couple, who else but Rabri and Laloo:
 
Rabri Devi died and went to heaven.
 
As she stood in front of Yamraj, she saw a huge wall
 
of clocks behind.
 
She asked, \"What are all those clocks?\"
 
Yamraj answered, \"Those are LieClocks. Everyone on Earth has a LieClock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.\"
 
\"Oh,\" said Rabri, \"Who\'s clock is that?\"
 
That\'s Gautam Buddha\'s. The hands have never moved
 
indicating that he never told a lie.
 
\"And whose clock is that?\"
 
That\'s Abraham Lincoln\'s clock. The hands have only
 
moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told two lies in his entire life.\"
 
Rabri asked, \"Where\'s my Laloo\'s clock?\"
 
Laloo\"s clock is in my office\", replied yamraj, \"I\'m
 
using it as a ceiling fan.

by b. » Thu Jul 31, 2003 12:34 pm

A man is riding a horse.
 

 
Sardarji asks \'Bhaisaab aap ghode pe jaa rahe ho\' Man asks: Sardaji mai ghode pe to jaa raha hoon, is me poochne wali ki gal hai\'
 
Sardarji says \'yaar is me harj kya hai\'

by **BeerYanni** » Thu Jul 31, 2003 3:52 pm

A Physics professor, a Chemistry professor, a Biology professor and a software engineer start discussing the nature of work done by God........
 

 
Biology prof: God must have been a Biologist. He created so many life forms from chaos.
 
 
Chemistry prof: You are wrong, he must have been a Chemistry guy, because he first created molecules of so many elements from chaos.
 

 
Physics prof: You are wrong too. He was a Physics guy because he had to create space-time continuum to begin with, from the chaos...
 

 
Software engineer: How the hell do you think he created all that chaos.

by **Learner** » Thu Jul 31, 2003 7:56 pm

Superb. Maan gaye bhai Faheem. Thanks a lot

by **Faheem** » Thu Jul 31, 2003 11:15 pm

An elephant is enjoying a shower in a pond. A mouse approaches him in a hush and asks the elephant to come out of the pond immediately, the elephant ignores and goes on with his shower, the mouse insists and asks the elephant to come out, irritated but anxious to find out why the elephant comes out, but then the mouse asked to go back and continue the shower. Now the elephant gets mad and wants to know the reason why he wanted him out. The mouse replies \"I lost my underwear and just wanted to make sure you weren\'t wearing it\"!

by **Faheem** » Thu Jul 31, 2003 11:25 pm

A bengali, tamilian and a Sardarji having lunch at there work place. Bengali said, I am tired of eating fish, if I find fish tomorrow in my lunch then I will commit suicide. Tamilian said, I am tired of eating Idli and Vada, If I find this tomorrow in lunch I will commit suicide. Sardarji said, I am tired of this roti too, I find this tomorrow I will commit suicide too. Next day, everyone found the same food in their lunch boxes so they all end up commiting suicide. Now goes the investigation..... Bengali\'s wife said, had he ever told me didn\'t wanted fish, I could have cooked something else but he never did. Tamilian\'s wife said, had I known, I would have never given him Idli Vada. Sardarji\'s wife said, \"Pata nahi Sardarji ko Kya hogaya, woh to khudhi roz abni roti banate hain\"

by **Faheem** » Thu Jul 31, 2003 11:29 pm

Two Sardar co-pilots are hovering above the airport trying to land a plane. \"these stupid poeple don\'t even know how to make a runway, they made such a short runway, but look how wide they built it\"

by **Faheem** » Fri Aug 01, 2003 3:03 am

A Cuban, Dutch, American and a Desi were on a cruise. One evening, they all got together on the deck of the ship and were chatting. Suddenly, the Cuban throws the cigar he was smoking into the sea. Everyone asks him: You only took few puffs from that cigar, why did you throw it? Cuban replies: The place where I come from, it\'s no big deal, we have plenty! Now the Dutch throws the Whiskey he was drinking and comes up with the similar explaination, \"the place where I come from, Whiskey is no big deal! Now suddenly the American picks up the desi and throws him into the sea, when all ask him why he did that, he said, he was a Software Engineer and the place where I come from, it\'s no biggie, we have a lot of those people.

by b. » Fri Aug 01, 2003 4:21 pm

Our great Johnny Walker passed away.!!
 

 
Let me narrate one of his jokes in a movie.
 

 
He goes to a mithaai shop and asks for 1 kilo of sweets. Then he returns it, then asks for something else in its exchange. Thus finally he walks away with 1 kilo free....

by **Andhraite** » Sat Aug 02, 2003 10:03 am

poor choice, brother, i think that this is good to watch, but can\'t narrate this , properly...

by b. » Sat Aug 02, 2003 12:00 pm

agree with you
 

 
it was fun to watch, yes.
 
I was just combinig obituary here.
 
didn\'t work out I guess.

by **Arch** » Sat Aug 02, 2003 1:06 pm

What does a sardar think when he sees a banana peel? Saala! Phirse phisalna padegaa!\"What does a sardar think when he sees two banana peels on the road\"Isspe phisloon ya us pe/"

by **pavani** » Sat Aug 02, 2003 2:39 pm

haha check this cartoon
 
<img src=\"http://www.attrition.org/gallery/cartoons/donor.jpg\">

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