A Request (Joke)

by BM » Sat Sep 06, 2003 8:47 pm

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.
 
 
When the postal authorities received the letter to \"God, USA,\" they decided to send it to the President.
 
 
The President was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
 
 
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:
 
 
Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington DC, and those _ deducted $95.

by **Mayavi Morpheus** » Sat Sep 06, 2003 9:25 pm

Farting Lady
 
 
A elderly lady goes to the doctor and tells him \"Doctor, I don\'t know what the problem is, but I\'ve been farting all the time. It\'s not really a problem socially because they don\'t make any noise and don\'t smell. I just can\'t stop farting all the time. In fact, while I\'ve been in here I must have farted at least 20 times.\"
 
 
The doctor nodded and gave her some pills. \"Here take these for two weeks and see me again when you are done.\"
 
 
So she takes the pills and returns two weeks later as instructed. Infuriated she confronts the doctor. \"What kind of medicine is this? I\'m still farting just as much, they still don\'t make any noise but now they stink terribly!\"
 
 
The doctor nodded, \"It\'s alright, now that we have your sinus\' cleared up, we\'ll work on your hearing.\"

by **Mayavi Morpheus** » Sat Sep 06, 2003 9:33 pm

Assicons,
 
 
We all know those cute little computer symbols called \"emoticons\", where

means a smile and

is a frown. Sometimes these are represented by :-)

and

respectively. Well, how about some \"Assicons\"? (_!_), a regular ass
 
(__!__), a fat ass
 
(!), a tight ass
 
(_._), a flat ass
 
(_^^_), a bubble ass
 
(_*_), a sore ass
 
(_!__), a lopsided ass
 
{_!_}, a swishy ass
 
(_o_), an ass that\'s been around
 
(_O_), an ass that\'s been around even more
 
(_x_), kiss my ass
 
(_X_), leave my ass alone
 
(_zzz_), a tired ass
 
(_o^^o_), a wise ass
 
(_E=mc2_), a smart ass
 
(_13_), an unlucky ass
 
(_$_), money coming out of his ass
 
(_?_), a dumb ass

by **Kulcha Hyderabadi** » Sun Sep 07, 2003 9:22 am

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn\'t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart \"associate\" standing there with dark shades on. She says, \"Excuse me, can you tell me anything about this rod-reel?\" He says, \"Ma\'am I\'m blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes.\"
 
 
She didn\'t believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said \"That\'s a 6\' graphite fishing rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb test line. It\'s a good all round rod and reel and it\'s $20.00\"
 
 
She says, \"It\'s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it\'s what I am looking for so I\'ll take it.\" He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman FARTS. At first she is embarassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her. Being blind he wouldn\'t know that she was the only person around.
 
 
He rings up the sale and says, \"That will be $22.50.\"
 
She says, \"But didn\'t you say it was $20.00?\"
 
He replies, \"Yes ma\'am, the rod and the reel is $20.00, the duck call $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50.\"

by **Kulcha Hyderabadi** » Sun Sep 07, 2003 9:26 am

Correction! He rings up the sale at $25.50

by **Maskhara** » Mon Sep 08, 2003 2:53 pm

Little Johnny
 
 
Little Johnny had a cursing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do.
 
 
The shrink said, \"Since Christmas is coming up, you should ask Johnny what he wants Santa to bring him. If he curses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog poop in place of the gift or gifts he requests.\"
 
 
Two days before Christmas, Johnny’s father asked him what he wanted for Christmas. \"I want a damn teddy-bear lying right beside me when I wake-up. When I go downstairs I want to see a damn train going around the damn tree. And when I go outside I want to see a damn bike leaning up against the damn garage.\"
 
 
Christmas morning, Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a pile of dog poop. Confused, he walked down stairs and saw another pile under the tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog poop by the garage.
 
 
When Johnny walked back inside with a curious look on his face, his dad smiled and asked, \"What did Santa bring you this year?\"
 
 
Johnny replied, \"I think I got a damn dog but I can’t find the son-of-a-bitch!\"

by **Kulcha Hyderabadi** » Mon Sep 08, 2003 4:01 pm

A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells good.
 
 
The woman immediately goes into her supervisor\'s office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harrassment suit and explains why. The supervisor is puzzled by this and says, \"What\'s wrong with the co-worker telling you your hair smells good.\"
 
 
The woman replies, \"He is a midget.\"

by **Maskhara** » Mon Sep 08, 2003 4:06 pm

That was great Kulch Bhai!!!

by **Maskhara** » Mon Sep 08, 2003 4:33 pm

Bob was excited about his new rifle and decided to go bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. He bent over to start cleaning it when there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, \"That was my cousin and you\'ve got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex.\" After considering briefly, Bob decided to accede to the latter alternative. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Bob soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, \"That was a big mistake, Bob. That was my cousin and you\'ve got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex.\" Again, Bob thought it was better to cooperate. Although he survived, it took several months before Bob finally recovered!!! Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but, then, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him very sadly and said, \"Admit it Bob, you don\'t come here for the hunting, do you?

by **Radha** » Tue Sep 09, 2003 9:25 pm

BM, adaab! Aap ke board per bhi kuch likha jaye nahi toh aap naraaz ho jayengey.
 
 
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked \"Is my time up?\". God said, \"No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.\"
 
 
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, a liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
 
 
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, \"I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn\'t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?\"
 
 
God replied, \"I didn\'t recognise you.\"

by **Maskhara** » Wed Sep 10, 2003 2:38 pm

Getting Flowers
 
 A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the brunette happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, \"Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again.....for no reason.\"
 
 The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, \"What’s the big deal, don’t you like getting flowers?\"
 
 The brunette says, \"Oh sure.....but he always has expectations after getting me flowers, and I just don’t feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air.\"
 
 The blonde says, \"Why, don’t you have a flower vase?\"

by **Maskhara** » Wed Sep 10, 2003 2:45 pm

Two immigrants arrive in the United States and are discussing the differences between their old country and the US. One of them says that he heard that people in the US eat dogs, and if they’re going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two ‘dogs’. The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
 
 
\"What part of the damn dog did you get?\"

by **Kulcha Hyderabadi** » Wed Sep 10, 2003 8:30 pm

Looooooooooooolllll!!!
 
 
Written by an African Shakespeare/Longfellow
 
 
Dear White Fella.
 
 
Couple of things you should know:
 
I black when I born, I black when I grow up, I black when I go in the sun, I black when I cold, I black when I scared, I black when I sick, and when I die, I black.
 
 
You white fella, when you born, you pink, when you grow up, you white, when you go in sun, you red, when you cold, you are blue, when you scared, you yellow, when you sick, you are green and when you die, you grey.
 
 
AND YOU HAVE THE BALLS TO CALL ME COLOURED!!!

by **Kulcha Hyderabadi** » Wed Sep 10, 2003 8:37 pm

Good one Maskhara - On immigrants.
 
 
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind ignores them at first, but her attention is gavlanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
 
 
\"Emma come first, Den I come. Den two assess, they come together. I come once-a-more, two assess, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.\"
 
 
\"You foul-mouthed swine!\", retored the lady indignantly. \"In this country we don\'t talk about our sex lives in public!\"
 
 
\"Hey, coola down lady,\" said the man \"Who\'sa talking about sex? I\'m a justa telling my friend how to spell Mississippi\".

by **Maskhara** » Sat Sep 13, 2003 12:55 pm

Saving Costs.
 
 
Man to Wife: Business is going down. If you learn to cook, we can get rid of our cook.
 
 
Wife to Husband: Idiot! If you learn to have sex, we can get rid of the driver, the gardner and the watchman!

by BM » Sat Sep 13, 2003 4:56 pm

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses\' wife instead.
 
 
\"I\'m afraid he died last week\", she explains.
 
 
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. \"I told you\", the wife replies, \"he died last week.\"
 
 
The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:
 
 
\"I\'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?\"
 
 
\"\'Cos\", he replied laughing, \"I just love hearing it.\"

by **Cnu** » Sat Sep 13, 2003 7:17 pm

Pakistan\'s New education system
 
 
INDIANS beware! Indian Intellectuals will be facing tough competition wherever they go from now onwards, thanks to the new education system introduced in Pakistan (which is carefully planned following the footsteps of INDIA?). The following are some of the reputed institutes, the courses offered by them and their Entrance tests:
 
 
IIT: Islamic Institute of Terrorism (through JEE: Jehadi Entrance Exam). Coaching for JEE will be offered only in Kashmir! and not in any Ramaiah or Krishnamurthy.
 
 
IIIT : Islamic Institute of International Terrorism (through JEE for domain training in usage of arms and ammunition and a written test for masters in international terrorism followed by hands on training in usage of weapons of mass destruction, including visiting lectures from
various honchos of terrorism, viz bin laden and others.).
 
 
IIM: International Infiltration Management, through CAT:Careers in Al-Quaeda & Taliban - Guarenteed foreign placement.
 
 
IAS: Iraq After Saddam. This is a research course established with the Aid of CNN-America and not many placement opportunities.
 
 
ISB:
Islamic School for Bombardment, through GMAT : Graduate Management Aptitude Test for creating terror. These graduates are among the most sought after, especially by the FBI after their
success on Sep 11.
 
 
ISM: Islamic School of Militancy. Also through JEE. Rigorous training in various camps across POK. Guranteed languishment in Tihar jail after being caught by Indian security forces.
 
 
M.M.Tech.: Masters in Militancy Techniques, through GATE: Graduate Aptitude Test in EXTREMISM. This is a post-graduate course equivalent to Indian M.Tech. only for the Engineers graduated from IITs.
 
 
M.S: Musharraf\'s Security. Highly competitive and equally paid service through GRE: Grooming the Rising Extremists and TOEFL: Test Of Efficiency In
Fighting and Looting.
 
 
Interested candidates can obtain further details and prospectus free from the following addresses:
 
 
The Head, ISI, Karachi.
 
 
The Head, LeT, Lahore.
 
 
The Head, JeM, Peshawar.
 
 
The Headless Head (alias Musharraf), Military Ruler of Pakistan, Islamabad.

by **Mayavi Morpheus** » Sun Sep 14, 2003 7:47 am

That\'s not a joke, its true. They have changed their education system and even introduced satellite TV for education purposes. Source:
 
 
Reuters 09/2002: Paksitani dictator Mush-rat today anounced the successful acquisition of in-orbit Hutchinson satellite from Arab comminications. Musharaff claimed that the 108 Kg BadrII satellite is more advanced than any of the Indian satellites - the IRS constellation of 6 satellites and six 2 tonnes category Insat satellites and soon to be launched three tonne Edusat, which is a dedicated satellite for education purposes. With the launch of BadrII, Mush-rat said that a new avenue in distance education has been opened, that a Mullah in a Islamabad Madarassa can now teach a jihadi in Karachi Madarassa how to load, unload, grease and fire an AK-47 rifle.

by **Cnu** » Sun Sep 14, 2003 11:44 am

I was happy. My girlfriend and I were dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.
 
 
My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me and that was my mother-in-law to be. She was a career woman, smart, but most of all beautiful and sexy, who sometimes flirted with me, which made me feel uncomfortable.
 
 
One day she called me and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. So I went. She was alone, and when I arrived, she whispered to me, that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn\'t overcome. So before I got married and committed my life to her daughter, she wanted to make love to me just once. What could I say? I was in total shock, and couldn\'t say a word. So, she said, "I\'ll go to the bedroom, and if you are up for it, just come and get me." I just watched her delicious behind as she went up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, and then turned around and went to the front door...
 
 
I opened it, and stepped out of the house. Her husband was standing outside, and with tears in his eyes, hugged me and said, "We are very happy and pleased. You have passed our little test. We couldnt have asked for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
 
 
Moral of the story: Always keep the condoms in the car.

by **Maskhara** » Sun Sep 14, 2003 5:49 pm

A Highway to Hawaii:
 
 
A man was walking on a highway when he discovered a genie lamp. He rubbed it and a genie came out and said, \"I will grant you one wish.\" The man thought for a minute and said, \"Well, I never have gone to Hawaii because I never could afford it. Could you make a highway from here to Hawaii so I could just drive over anytime?\" The genie sighed and said, \"Man, I have been in this genie business for 10,000 years. I am quite tired. Can’t you think of something a little more simple?\" The man thought and said, \"Well, you know, I have been married to my wife for 5 years now but I still can’t understand her. Can I get into her mind and find out what’s going on out there?\" The genie sighed again and said, \"You want two lanes or four on the highway?\"

by **Cnu** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 4:48 pm

1. SSC + HSC + BCOM + MBA = UNEMPLYOMENT
 
 
2. An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.
 
 
3. One Chinese gymnast = India\'s Gold Medal tally since 1896
 
 
4. Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.
 
 
5. Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic Park.
 
 
6. 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = a 4 minute song in Hindi movie.
 
 
7. Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality + own production company = Kajol
 
 
8. Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum\'s favourite serials.
 
 
9. Amitabh Bachchan - Mrityudaata + Kaun Banega Crorepati = A SUPERSTAR.
 
 
10. Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan - Talent = Abhishek Bachchan
 
 
11. Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan
 
 
12. 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda
 
 
13. 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan
 
 
14. 1 person + straight hair + un-straight walk = Sanjay Dutt
 
 
15. 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol
 
 
16. One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace = One Sooraj Barjataya Film.

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