Ok, I;m going to answer AR's questions now, for the heck of it and also to keep AR happy and his thread alive

1.)Had this dream once where I plunge a knife repeatedly into my heart and then put it back in and twist it again and again and then I looked up, saw it and then I regained consciousness. Would love to die that way.
2.)Who would I call? Why would I need to call if the one I wanted to call was standing in front of me?

3.)Thinking about that only, what has already been mentioned twice in this post

Things are supposed to happen the way they happen. And the reason they happen the way the happen is because you try to make them happen in a certain way and may or may not be succesful.