Overcome Stress and Suffering - Tips

[Happy Husband]

Hi,



Nobody is here in the world who has not come across any stress or suffering.



In this thread I'll post some tips.. I hope some contribution from you ..

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Being Happy:

People are as happy as they make up their minds to be. -- Abraham



Reaction to Stress:

It's not stress that kills us,

it is our reaction to it.



--Hans Selye



A man who suffers or stresses before it is necessary,

suffers more than is necessary.



-- Seneca

[Happy Husband]

Give Up Your Angry Behavior





If you are the least bit annoyed, do nothing. Exercise is the best way to get rid of "anger chemicals," or just walk away and wait till you chill.



Before you open your mouth, stop and think about how and what you will say.



Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Calmly.



Never, ever raise your voice.



If your partner thinks your voice is too loud, it is too loud. It doesn't matter if you don't agree.



If you are too emotional to control yourself, see an MD for a medication evaluation. Inability to control emotions is often a real physical disorder that can be helped!



Give up drinking. Alcohol use is associated with anger and violence.



Never, ever hit, punch, tap or push your partner or any object.



Never, ever walk away from, walk ahead of, roll your eyes, yawn, breath hard, sigh, frown, or make any other unnecessary behavioral expressions of anger towards your partner.



Make eye contact when addressing your partner or replying to them.



Your criticism is not "constructive."



Do not make threats.



Everything you think, do, like, dislike, wear, eat, etc., is your responsibility. Own it.



Nobody makes you angry. You do that to yourself. That is why only you can stop it.



Remember all these things when you are angry.

[Happy Husband]

How To Heal A Painful Relationship





Any relationship can heal. No matter how painful or destructive your relationship may be, it can now be restored. Sound impossible? Well, it's not! Antagonism and defensiveness can be dissolved. Anger and resentment can be replaced with forgiveness and compassion. Conflict can turn into cooperation.



Maybe you'll fall back in love and stay together in a way that works. Maybe you'll need to go your separate ways. Whatever happens, you have the opportunity and ability to heal your relationship. You can be free of the hurt, the anger and the resentment.



The key to healing your relationship is you.



How you interact with the other person determines how that person will interact towards you. How you interact towards each other determines whether your relationship will be painful or supportive.



Once you discover your role in any disharmony, you can heal your relationship. Until this happens, you will forever be ineffective.



As a former divorce attorney, I've worked with many couples whose relationships were painful and destructive. In each instance, the individuals involved were totally unaware of their role in the conflict.



By not being aware of their role in the conflict, there was nothing they could do to end it.



This is what happens in most relationships. We only notice what the other person does to us. We then treat the other person accordingly.



If we receive love and appreciation, we'll give love and appreciation. If we receive criticism and resentment, we'll give criticism and resentment. We call this giving people what they deserve.



The problem with this is that the other person is doing exactly the same thing. That person only notices what is received from you. Then that person treats you accordingly. Then you treat him or her accordingly.



When you treat each other based on how you get treated, there is no telling what will happen. It's like sailing with no one at the helm. When no one is in charge of the ship, your relationship is in big trouble. You're likely to end up on the rocks.



Usually it's just a matter of time until one of you gets upset. When you get upset, you automatically put up your walls of protection and either resist, attack or withdraw. Then the other person gets upset and does the same thing to you. Then you get more upset and react even more forcefully towards the other.



Without ever knowing, you create a cycle conflict, a cycle of resisting, attacking and withdrawing from each other. This cycle then goes on and on without either person ever noticing his or her role in the problem.



Sides get drawn and issues become something to fight over rather than something to resolve. Walls of protection get fortified and distance grows. The experience of love quickly fades away.



We hurt each other over and over, feeling fully justified for everything we do. Serious damage is done, and none of it is necessary.



If you want to heal your relationship and be free of the suffering, you need to end this cycle of conflict. You need to interact with the other person in a way that works.



Two people are required to create and maintain a cycle of conflict. Only one is needed to end it.



When you put the focus on you and your actions, you can put water on the fire instead of more fuel. You can interact in a way that gains cooperation instead of resentment. You can heal your relationship.



What you do today determines what will happen in your relationship tomorrow. Whether your relationship is painful or supportive is up to you.

[mark]

Give up drinking. Alcohol use is associated with anger and violence.

yeah, take up weed instead. Cannabis use is associated with laughing your ass off and staring at the walls.

[CtrlAltDel]

talking of stress, read this article from yeaterday's ToI:



http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/1113747.cms

[Happy Husband]

Suggestions for dealing with stress:





Read over the list below and mark the suggestions that will help you deal with your stress. You can use them to make a personal stress plan.



1. Recognize the things that bother you. Becoming aware of your stresses is a first step to dealing with them. It also is part of showing respect for your own feelings.



2. Recognize that you may not be able to fix everything at once, but there are things you can do that will help. Maybe they are little things. But they make a difference.



3. Throw away stresses that you cannot change. For instance, you may worry that an earthquake or tornado is going to destroy you and your family. While it is possible that you could move to a safer house or city, it may be more appropriate to throw away that worry. You may want to close your eyes and mentally tie the tornadoes in a knot and throw them in the trash or lock them in a closet. Decide which of your stresses you cannot change by thinking about them. Then don't think about them.



4. Replace stressful thoughts with pleasant ones. Think of it as emotional gardening. You pull the ugly weeds out of your garden, and you cultivate the good plants. Instead of dwelling on a hurt or an injustice, think about someone you like and perhaps about some way you can help that person. A beautiful garden is very satisfying. A garden of weeds can be very discouraging.



5. Allow yourself to have vacations from stress. Sometimes we feel so worn-out or frustrated that we want to cry or scream. That's a good time for a mental vacation. Find a place where you can be alone. Lie down, close your eyes, and imagine that you are lying on a beautiful, peaceful beach. Imagine the sun on your face. Listen to the sounds of birds and waves. Feel the warm sand. Breathe deeply and slowly. Enjoy relaxing for several minutes. Then imagine yourself jogging, swimming, shopping, or anything you would enjoy doing on your vacation. When you are feeling better, open your eyes. Think of some small thing you can do to make things run more smoothly.



6. Use your sense of humor. When I start to get frustrated and angry with my children, I hold a training session. For example, when the children have left lights on throughout the house, I may feel like screaming at them. Instead, I call them together and tell them that a crime has been committed. Someone has sneaked into the house and turned on all our lights. I suspect it may be an elephant. Maybe we could all hunt through the house looking for the elephant ? and turn off lights. I am very careful to avoid sarcasm or hurt. I make my statements ridiculous so that everyone starts laughing, including me.



7. Be sure you are keeping yourself strong. Are you eating well? Do you regularly get some exercise or relaxation? Make time in your schedule to keep yourself physically fit. For child care, you might take turns with a friend. Today you watch her children for an hour or two while she takes a break. Tomorrow she watches yours while you take a break.



8. Draw strength from friends and family members. You may have some friends who help you make decisions, feel loved, and feel hopeful. Call them. Ask them if they will listen to you. Talk to them. Tell them how you feel. You may have some friends or family members who make you angrier or sadder. It might be good not to talk to them when you feel stressed. Anger makes stress worse.



9. Focus on things you love to do. Go back to the list you made, and pick out some of the things you love to do most. Make time for them. Set aside money to do them. Ask people to help you do them.



10. Anticipate problems and solve them. Deal with them. For example, maybe your toddler loves to play with the stereo, and that bothers you. Put the stereo up out of reach. Put interesting and safe toys where the children can play with them. Baby-proof your home. Make a special play area for your children. Prevent the troubles that drive you crazy by planning ahead.



11. When you are feeling tired and discouraged and don't want to do anything, look for a little job. Maybe you could wipe off the cabinets. Maybe you could take out the trash. Look for a little job to get started. Once you fuush the little job, give yourself credit for it. Don't beat yourself up with a long list of all the things you still need to do. Once you get started with a little job, you may feel like tacklingbigger jobs.



12. Deal with rejection. One powerful stress for most people is the feeling that no one cares. Maybe when you talk to your mother she only preaches to you. Maybe your husband or wife doesn't understand you or show respect for your feelings. Some researchers now tell us that the healthiest people are not necessarily those who had perfect childhoods but those who have made peace with their child-hoods. Maybe Mom was not nice and maybe Dad deserted the family. But healthy people don't stay angry and upset with the past. They accept what has happened, and they live in the present. They accept what their parents have done and can do for them. They build good friendships.



13. Get outside yourself. Sometimes we worry so much about our problems that we can't see anything else. It may help to take some cookies to the neighbor, to volunteer some time for a church or community group. You don't need a lot of extra demands. But taking a little time to help others can bring peace and satisfaction.



14. Be creative. Organize to solve problems. Look for good solutions. For example, if your children are always cross by dinnertime, maybe you could provide them with a healthy afternoon treat. Or you could eat dinner earlier.



15. Get help if you need it. If you begin to feel overwhelmed ? especially if you feel suicidal ? get help! Go to your minister or mental health clinic. Everyone gets discouraged from time to time. But if those feelings become severe, get help.



16. Be patient. Some problems solve themselves with time. Eventually children outgrow diapers. They get past teething. The rain stops and the sun comes out. Work on the things you can change. Be patient with things that take time.



17. Be a friend to yourself. Don't expect yourself to be perfect. Stop doing things that tear you down. Notice the good things you do, and dwell on those things. Don't try to force yourself to be perfect or always kind. Treat your feelings with respect. Other people may sound bigger and stronger and more sure of themselves. But your feelings are important. Listen to them. Instead of dwelling on a mistake, learn what you can from it and then let the mistake go. Examine the expectations you have for yourself. Check to be sure they are reasonable.



18. Take control of your life. Helplessness is a terrible feeling. While you may not be able to change everything, notice the things you can change.



19. Discover meaning in your life. Some people find meaning through religion, some through learning, some through service. Enjoy the contribution you make. See the purpose of people doing good.



20. Don't compare yourself to others. Your sister may be a wonderful cook. Your neighbor may be incredibly organized. But don't compare yourself to them. No one has every talent. Discover your talents. Enjoy them. Use them to help others.

[Happy Husband]

It's not always easy to forgive. But without forgiving, you will not be able to move past the anger the other person's 'wrong' has produced in you. Anger may put your entire relationship in jeopardy. With enough anger and rage inside yourself, you cause damage to other relationships in your life.



Can there be any doubt that unforgiveness and the resulting anger motivates a man to stalk and kill his unfaithful wife? Can there be any doubt that unforgiveness and the resulting anger motivates a woman to destroy her ex-husband's reputation with lies and innuendo? Can there be any doubt that unforgiveness and the resulting anger motivates an employee to return to the workplace with a rifle...



It's not easy to forgive the pain of betrayal, the pain of abuse, the pain of loss... Yet, without forgiving, you cannot move forward to new, fresh relationships. Without forgiving, you cannot truly mend a broken relationship.



Forgiving does not mean you will allow your spouse to continue to abuse you, or cheat on you, or make your life miserable. It means you look past the act and at the person. It means you forgive the personal weakness he or she is unwilling or unable to control.



Forgiving does not mean you will remain in a bad marriage if your spouse cannot change his or her behavior.



Forgiving does not mean you must be friends with the woman who slept with your husband or the man who slept with your wife.



Forgiving does not mean you will continue a friendship with a person who is mean-spirited toward you.



Forgiving does not mean you won't seek legal recourse against a boss who is discriminatory.



Forgiving the actions of others helps to remove damaging anger and rage from within you.



How many times have you wondered if you did all you could to save your marriage? Forgive yourself for 'failing' to stay in a situation without hope.



Can you forgive? Should you forgive? Have you forgiven and regretted doing so? Forgive for YOUR future.



Take care of yourself.

[Vishrasayan]

Give up drinking. Alcohol use is associated with anger and violence.

yeah, take up weed instead. Cannabis use is associated with laughing your ass off and staring at the walls.

really hilarious Mark

[Happy Husband]

Anger Management: A Ten-Step Program



1. Accept that most things in the world are out of your control.



2. Accept that it is your choice to get angry about those things.



3. No one makes you angry.



4. Life is unfair. Waste no energy lamenting or trying to change that fact.



5. No one likes to be around an angry person. No one feels like helping an angry person.



6. So why be angry? Maybe you really don't want your problems solved. Maybe you just want to complain and wail and gnash your teeth.



7. Take stock of yourself. What do you want?



8. You should smile more. Your face won't break.



9. Anger is a weed; hate is the tree. -St. Augustine



10. Anger makes a rich man hated and a poor man scorned. -Thomas Fuller

[CtrlAltDel]

Anger is a weed

cool! can we roll n smoke it...?

[Sri]

Thanks Mr Happy,



Thanks for the good topic.



But you know sometimes out of extreme professional stress,



and the stress gifted by our bosses,



I am



sometimes forced to take



Alcohol( Beer)



and in some times rarely



Tab Alprax 0.25mg



But these things occur very rarely.



I accept physical activity like Walking gives good relief.